I’ve had late-night work events followed by early mornings all week, haven’t even been home in three days and I started this post at 8 AM. Still nothing – nothing! - shall keep me from a Foxy Friday that is 10 months, two dinners and one KISS costume in the making.
Foxy Friday: Robert Bortuzzo
You may recall that when Lindsay, Alison, Emma and I went to Pittsburgh in March, Borts was the mayor. We saw him at dinner the first night. Two days and two games later, not only did Borts show up at dinner again, he brought Crosby with him. And made sure we saw Brandon Sutter. And almost made Alison drop her drink. Okay, that was me. If he’d shaken our hands and asked for a campaign donation, I would have given him my whole purse. We learned that Pittsburgh is a wonderful place and there are Penguins in every restaurant.
Is this heaven? No, it’s Thunder Bay.
Tall, dark and handsomely bearded, Robert Bortuzzo has quite the foxy competition on a team full of dorks in boyfriend shirts. Yet I’d say he has cornered both markets.
That pullover counts every time.
Borts – who I really want to call “Rob” but it’ll never stick – and Beau Bennett spend all their free time visiting patients in hospitals. There are so many pictures they really must go every day. What a pair.
Another of the many stories here.
Other areas where Robert Bortuzzo excels include charming children and babies [video]:
Best babysitter ever
Thigh-highs on 6’4″ Borts would be overalls on me.
Shirtless interviews (to highlight beard evolution, of course):
Just have him home by curfew.
Wearing a Red Sox hat:
We’re WUYS and we support this message.
Did I mention the hair/beard combo?
Curls for the girls
And the Red Sox hat? He also loves waffles and The Sandlot.
I mean, come on.
Despite all those talents, Rob is really best – and we mean best – at reaction faces. There’s no feeling you can’t express in a Bortuzzo internet jpeg. Try it.
When your boss is explaining something completely wrong:
I am surrounded by idiots.
When this isn’t where you parked your car:
But I went in through Nordstrom…
When that just really happened holycrapyouguys!
I hope someone Snapchatted that.
When you get the last deluxe copy of the new Taylor Swift at Target:
No bonus tracks for you suckers!
When you think you’re not the prettiest person in the room (but you really are):
Keeping up with the Kardashians
When Hockey Twitter is talking shit:
I thought I unfollowed Rossi!
When the 2014-15 schedule says you don’t come to DC until late January:
My expression right now.
Borts is recently back from injury and we’ve been holding on this Foxy Friday for his return. He had a fight last night vs. Blake Wheeler, involving a lot of very long arms and a possible misunderstanding of velocity physics:
In his 77 NHL-game career, Bortuzzo has 2 goals, 13 assists and 108 penalty minutes. That’s one goal for every time we saw him in Pittsburgh. Want more offense from your defense, Penguins? The solution is obvious and we’ll work for tickets.
Waiting to see his name on the scoreboard.
If we may make a suggestion based on past levels of costume commitment, Rob looks a little like Sacha Baron Cohen (especially here). It’s never too early to plan next Halloween.
We apologize in advance if this happens.
Our reaction shot is ready to go:
:: speechless ::
Follow Borts on Twitter @rbontuzzo21. Happy Friday!