8(7+1) Days of Christmas

@raedanda sends me the best work emails! Today it was this KDKA-TV sneak preview of the WHIRL Magazine January cover shoot with everybody’s boyfriends:

pens1

Girls Love, Double Date Edition

That’s right – pre-mumps Crosby and Geno, part-time models.  You know I live for shots of Sid putting on his jersey (3:15 mark, someone gif that please).

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Does this video make my shoulders look broad?

Put this January issue on your Christmas list.  (A lot of my Dear Santa items are Penguins-related.)

Our office holiday party is in 24 minutes, so I can watch this a few more times.

pens

Mister(s) January

Tyler Tuesday: Tats, Stats, Sweaters, and Hats

Pants referenced this photo in her post yesterday, but as the resident Seguinista here at WUYS, I had to weigh in.

First off, can we talk about his legs? Now, I knew that he was bow legged and that they were kinda skinny for a hockey player, but in those white tights…I can’t look away.  Seriously, how does he stand on this twigs, let alone skate? Hockey player bodies just defy explanation.

Seguin, Tyler - ugly sweater

Holly and Jolly.

On a side note – Just me, or has Jamie Benn gotten hotter?  Maybe it is just because we are noticing him more. Or maybe it is because some of Seguin’s swagger is rubbing off on him.  Or maybe he is just a late bloomer and only now coming into his own.  Whatever the cause for Jamie Benn’s metoric rise to hockey hotness, we”ll take it.

In other Tyler Tuesday news -

I love….goooooooooooals

Seguin, Tyler - stats dec 16

‘Sup, ya’ll

Tyler is leading the NHL in points (38) as well as goals (23), five ahead of Rick Nash.  Despite launching himself into the hockey stratsophere this season and becoming a bonafide NHL star, Seguin and the Stars are still 6th in their division and 11th in the conference with a record of 11-13-5.   Seguin could very well win the league’s scoring title this year while his team fails to make the playoffs…again.

*deepsigh* from klingbergluvr.tumblr.com

Boston to Texas

Recently Tyler hung out with this guy…

Seguin, Tyler - with kenny

Sober as birds.

You may be asking yourself “Who the hell is that?” Well, that guy is dancer/actor Kenny Wormald.  Not exactly a household name, but you might remember him from the recent Footloose remake (which was surprisingly enjoyable) and he has danced for Justin Timberlake and JLo to name but a few.

But what makes this photo especially exciting for me is that Kenny happens to be from my very small hometown in Massachusetts, he went to my high school and we danced at the same studio growing up.

One degree, people. One degree.

Players gonna play. Haters gonna hate.
In a recent interview for Stars Insider, intrepid reporter (and WUYS hero) Julie Dobbs (@julieanndobbs) sat down with Seguin for a little Q & A.  Pretty standard fare – favorite food, favorite movie, etc – until you get to this.

Seguin, Tyler - fave tattoo

Now I know where to send his Christmas cookies.

Julie gets up close and personal with Tyler’s new and most favorite tattoo and we thank her.  We also applause her for keeping it strictly professional and for not gingerly resting her hand on his bicep and lingering awkwardly.  We’re not sure if we could resist when temptation is so near.

We also learn that Seguin is a Taylor Swift fan (but honestly, who isn’t?) and that loves “Shake It Off” just as much as the rest of the planet does.

from bennyandthestars.tumblr.com

from bennyandthestars.tumblr.com

One guilty + another guilty pleasure.  Suddenly we don’t feel as ashamed.  I don’t know if Julie wrote these interview questions but whomever did, we thank you.  Thank you from the bottom of our Seguinista hearts. You can watch the entire episode HERE.

sick. beats.

So that’s your Tyler Tuesday round up. I’m always on the lookout for more Tyler news, so feel free to email me at chuck@whatsupyasieve.com or hit me up on twitter at @WhatsUp_YaSieve.

Happy Tyler Tuesday, ya’ll!

from siriuslygoonerific.tumblr.com

10 Days of… oh well.

I was going to do a “Happy Almost Holidays!” post this morning, but there isn’t really anything good to report.  Instead I’ll trye to motivate myself and see if I can do a post a day for 10 days, so we approach 2015 with momentum.

Don’t hold your breath.

Dallas Eakins got fired

Most bosses should be so lucky as to tread water for ages while their ship breaks in half and sinks beneath them like the Titanic.  The Oilers are in a special place we refer to as DFL – dead effing last.  They have 7 wins in 31 games for a total of 19 points.  (Intern Jeff Skinner just threw his juice box at me, because the Canes are in the same boat – literally.  At the bottom of the ocean.)

eakins

Well, shit.

This would be post-worthy if only for the excuse to search “David Tennant sad” on Google Images.

Kidding. He probably wanted to go.

Kidding. He probably wanted to go.

Who will coach the puppies?  Perhaps Craig McTavish for a bit.  The man played his entire career with no helmet, so that’s apt.  If that doesn’t work, I’m always available. I’ve been training my puppy Blue and am happy to report 12 potty accident-free days!  He’s also mastered getting on the couch by himself and eating an entire cardboard box.  Free intermission entertainment.

Whaaaaaaaaaa?

Whaaaaaaaaaa?

Crosby got the mumps

What’s most surprising is not that the mumps still circulate after the vaccine was introduced in 1967.  Apparently even with a booster, that vaccine is only 88% effective (not 87%), so this isn’t an old-timey thing or bad karma from anti-vaxxers.  It could happen to you.  No, the surprising thing is that it happened to Sid.  It mostly spreads through saliva, and so I thought, “STOP KISSING COREY PERRY!” (I’m kidding.  Shudder.)  As someone who got mono in high school from kissing precisely no one, I assure you this isn’t funny.

crosby

Really, I’m fine. Giggity.

The Penguins took some serious optimism supplements to let Crosby practice and do interviews looking as he did Friday. He was set to play in the weekend’s back-to-back games for a minute there.  He could have scored 10 goals because the other team refused to come near him.  They could have played “My Humps” as his goal song. (Sorry, but every time someone says “mumps,” I think it.)

Don't be creepy.

Don’t be creepy.

Then I read this Puck Daddy post on mumps and how gross the on-ice game of hockey is, aside from practices and sharing meals and being locked inside a pressurized petri dish flying from city to city.  Now I’m swabbing my entire office with Clorox wipes while wearing a surgical mask leftover from a 28 Days Later promotion.

Beau Bennett has also been tested for mumps. If Sid’ got it and Beau’s got it, you know Borts is either next or immune like Hagrid is to stunning spells because he’s got giant’s blood.

potter cake

Slava Voynov went to court

The Kings’ Slava Voynov has a very serious domestic violence charge against him, and the details of the alleged attack revealed in today’s preliminary hearing are awful [link].  He has plead not guilty and his wife requested he not be charged [link].  Voynov is on indefinite suspension from the NHL, including team activities – like practices, the violation of which cost the Kings $100k [link].

Tomas Vokoun retired

According the a report cited at NHL.com, Vokoun has decided to retire.  He was sidelined two seasons ago as a member of the Penguins with blood clots in his pelvis.  He also played for the Habs, Preds, Panthers and Caps, and always kind of reminded me of Jude Law.

vokoun

Winner of 300 NHL games

EDIT: Just as I thought there was nothing upbeat to post, it’s Tyler Seguin to the rescue.  In tights and with mistletoe hanging above his head, of course, so I don’t even need to make a joke about sitting on someone’s lap.

stars

All I Want for Christmas is you, and you. And maybe even that other guy.

Day 10 is a success.

Foxy Friday: Alex Wennberg

Sometimes when you post a Foxy Friday, you immediately get a text message saying you’re wrong. That there is one choice and one choice only, and that choice is clear.

People are so demanding.

wenn4

“What are the two house rules? Number One: No dating till you graduate. Number Two: No dating till you graduate.”

Foxy Friday: Alexander Wennberg

In defense of these texts, Alex is just about the only Swedish NHL player we haven’t featured.  Also, we have been in the market for a new intern.  Alex is 20 (skip that part), plays in the Blue Jackets organization and, well…

wenn3

“Well, now that you’ve seen “the plan”, I’m gonna go and show “the plan” to someone else.”

We don’t typically feature AHL players, but Alex was sent down to Springfield just last weekend and I don’t have a backup plan for this week’s post. Also he scored his first AHL point last night, so we’re breaking the rules this time.  And laws.

wenn1

“You are amazingly self-assured, has anyone ever told you that?”

Did I mention Alex is 20? You have the right to remain silent. I’ll be sending this post to my 17-year old niece, who loves boybands and styled hair (she’s a smart girl).  It should send her shrieking to a Springfield Falcons game.  She’s not allowed to accept a ride home though.

wenn7

“You’re not going out and getting jiggy with some guy, I don’t care how dope his ride is.”

I don’t care how v-neck some guy’s Euroshirt is.

"Can we, for two seconds, ignore the fact that you're severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy?"

“Can we, for two seconds, ignore the fact that you’re severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy?”

And none of this looking all innocent-yet-filth-rich, okay?

wenn6

“Damn, I was going for thoughtful.”

But I will allow Alex to rescind his selection of Justin Beiber over One Direction, because this was 2013 and I presume he’s come to his senses by now.

Old Britney all the way, though.

Follow Alex on Twitter @wenniss, or Google Image search him and enjoy the related result suggestions: Beau Bennett, Gabe Landeskog, Eric Gudbranson.  Happy Friday, our work here is done.

wenn2

“I happen to like being adored, thank you!”

Full video of the above interview is here.

Caption quotes from 10 Things I Hate About You, since I was thinking about high school. This movie is required viewing for our friendship, so if you haven’t seen it, I will give you my Netflix password.

Tyler Tuesday: Weapon of Mass Distraction

My appreciation of all things Tyler Seguin is not news to anyone who reads this blog or follows us on the twitter.

At first, my friends did not understand my love for #19/91.  They couldn’t see “it”.  But slowly, over time, their resolve weakened and they willingly joined me on the dark side.  I’ve welcomed my Seguinista Sisters with open arms – and a fiercely fashionable Jedi cape.

Yet there are still those that resisted, but now I have a new weapon at my disposal.

I am the Empire and www.tylerseguin.com is my Death Star.

I am the Empire and www.tylerseguin.com is my Death Star.

www.tylerseguin.com just launched this week and immediately became #1 on my internet search history.  Sure it has some frustrating typos ( it’s SPORTS Illustrated, not SPORT’S ), but I’m gonna let it slide because of photos like this.

tylerseguindotcom -cover

Bookmark This.

I’m starting a petition that any and all future photos of Tyler Seguin only be taken in black and white.  Black and white photography = classic, mysterious, artistic.  Black and white photography + Tyler Seguin…well then just turn this mutha out.

The design of the site is clean and minimalist, which I love, and the TS logo works (even if it does kinda reminds me of fire department shield).  But we all can agree that the major draw of this site is going to be its media gallery.

They keep photo photos like this one and we’re going to get along juuuuuust fine.

tylerseguindotcom-pic4

#face #arms #eyebrows #face

I did sign up for the TS Newsletter, natch, because I am serious hockey journalist.

Ahhh, who am I kidding?

tylerseguindotcom-pic3

“…like my deep, passionate love for a girl named Chuck.”

 

 

 

 

More Puppies, Please.

Another day of hockey players and rescue pets? Tuesday, I’ve never liked you so much.

Last year I had the Caps calendar, and it could be a front runner again this year.  Or I’ll get them all and do a wall display (and no work)!

caps

Remember when Alzer’s dogs ate his whole apartment?

You need a close up, I know.

caps2

I will not fancat.

What’s more perfect: tag team puppy kisses or Mike Green’s hair?  Be honest – it’s the hair. Sorry puppies! You are a close second. Meanwhile that cat is praying for strength.

Not to be missed: Tom Wilson’s hair and general Tom Wilson-ness.

caps4

Loves long walks in the park.

The dog’s saying, “Are you seeing this?  Is everyone looking?  His hand is on my knee.  I’m gonna faint.”

If only two puppies were enough to occupy John Carlson while someone runs by with a Flowbee.  Perhaps a quick trip to the groomer?

caps3

Chuck, I’ve been waiting for you all night by this fence.

The best part: today is Giving Tuesday, and 100% of proceeds from the Caps calendar go to Homeward Trails Animal Rescue!  Get yours here for $20, or tell me and I’ll buy you one at the game tonight.

The Bruins also know where it’s at, releasing their 2015 Pucks & Pups Calendar.  This behind-the-scenes video is heavy on the cute.

bruins2

I hate being a foregone conclusion.

If I have one objection, it’s that the Bruins calendar does not appear to feature a single Boston Terrier.  None.  The cutest dog on Earth shares your city’s namesake (and that of it’s greatest educational institution), but you’re saying none of your players want to hug one?  Inconceivable.

Chuck, make a call.

bruins1

I’m going to call this puppy “Mullett.”

The Bruins calendar benefits a host of charities, and you can get it for $20 at shop.NHL.com.

PUPPIES. Really.

Happy December, everyone! As we do annually at this time (see: 2013), we enlisted the help of Alison’s mom to take pictures of the Pens & Paws Calendar. How does it always arrive first?

sid

:: unintelligble gurgling ::

Video from the calendar shoot is here.

I am always very susceptible to puppy-related advertising, as evidenced by my love for the Oilers (PUPPIES!).  Just three weeks ago, Mr. Pants & I adopted a rescue catahoula/Aussie shepherd mix named Blue.  LOOK AT THIS FACE! I love him more than Canada loves hockey, let me tell you.

Blue

Yes, I made my dog an Instagram: blue.aussie.

Before 2015 arrives, order your Pens & Paws Calendar at www.animalrescue.org.  It’s a bargain at $20 for a year worth of adorableness!  Here are a few shots, courtesy of Heidi, to get you ordering and shipping and hanging this baby on your wall.

IMG_1591

Hug everything. Immediately.

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Look at the little dog’s tongue. It captions this whole post.

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The next Disney animated companion.

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BSutts brings a boyfriend shirt, dog and shovel to bury Alison’s body.

For you Hawks fans, Bryan Bickell and his wife Amanda have put together another fantastic offering from the Bick’s Pits pitbull rescue foundation. I still have their 2014 calendar up and it makes me smile every day.

The calendar is $25 here, and you can see some of their adoption love stories on Facebook.  There’s a video below, but you won’t get past the 4-second mark.

toews

The dog has a derpface. They are soulmates.

We have room for another dog, right?  A friend for Blue?  Just bring them all over, I’ll sleep in the car.

 

If your team did a calendar, send the info our way!  I think the Bruins did, we’ll leave that love to Chuck.

Foxy Friday: Liam O’Brien

Some Friday posts are hard work: weeding through photos, combing through Tumblrs and Twitters for pictures that demonstrate exactly what we’re trying to say about the week’s honoree.  Not today, friends.  Today was easy.

Foxy Friday: Liam O’Brien

lob7

Does this beard make my jawline look laser-cut?

Type “Liam O’Brien Capitals” into a Google search and one click gives you enough photos to fill a whole post.  (Er, don’t do that, because it’s exactly what I used here.)   It’s as if someone culled the best parts of former foxes and combined them to our exact specifications.  If you made me a Build-a-Bear for Christmas, this would be it.

  • Tall? 6’1.
  • Too young? Oh yeah. (He is 20 years old. I have sweaters older than this.)
  • Obvious boyband potential? Is there ever.
  • Beard? Check.
  • GINGERBEARD? All the checks.
  • He freaking wears #87 and is from Nova Scotia, people.
lob8

For the Maritimers

But the best thing about Liam isn’t on that list.  It’s in the feel-good, cry-at-the-end, Twizzler-straw-in-your-Coke, Disney sports movie plot that is his life right now.

lob1

Dressed to impress

Liam O’Brien was not drafted in June.  Not by any team, in any round. They all passed. While obviously they don’t have the same criteria as we do when selecting fantasy teams, I find this hard to believe.  But it does happen (Chris Kunitz, anyone?) and only once in a great while does it turn into something you read about months later in hockey press across North America.

lob6

Section 12, Part B says he must keep the beard.

When Liam got invited to Caps’ camps this fall, he came to play.  The new coach and management were so impressed that a month later, they signed O’Brien to a three-year rookie contract.  Not bad to hit $550,000/season with a stroke of the pen.  On October 9, the kid from Halifax made his NHL debut in Montreal, in front of as many family and friends as could make it.  The press?  They were all over it.  Did he do interviews in French?  Of course he did, because this post writes itself.

lob

All I can think is “Je Suis une Pizza” from middle school French class

Three games later, Liam punctuated a scrum in San Jose by saying this to 6 foot, 8 inch John Scott:

French is great but Liam is fluent in our favorite language: sass.

On October 26 vs. Vancouver, Liam scored.  I fumbled the dish I was washing and ran back into the living room.  Joe B. and Locker confirmed what I thought I’d heard: Inside of a month, Liam O’Brien had 1) signed a contact, 2) made the NHL, 3) scored his first goal. If you’re not rooting for this guy, you’re doing it wrong.

lob5

Awkward puck hold, never thought to practice this.

Last week I got to meet Liam at a work event, and can attend he is this great in real life.  You can see (hopefully) a lot more of him throughout EPIX Presents Road To The NHL Winter Classic™, the series beginning December 16 that will follow the Caps and Hawks to the Winter Classic.  The best part?  You don’t need HBO to watch it!  You can stream it live from either team’s website, plus Epix.com, NHL.com, their Facebook pages or mobile apps.  That is Liam’s gingerbeard at home, at work, on the bus, at the gym… see, I told you think was custom-made for us.

lob4

Watch early, watch often

Follow Liam at @ob61, donate to Movember here.  And have a Happy Friday!

lob9

Gingerstache? Is that a thing?

Tyler Thursday: Beards and Tats

I know it is not Tuesday but it’s still a day that starts with T, so this post will totally work.

If you know anything about me, but know that I love beards and I love tattoos.   Each one on their own is fantastic, but together?

Best Kind of Sandwich

Now go in and add hockey to the mix….

O.M.G.

Perfection.  And thy name is Tyler Seguin.

#Beard

#Tats

As if that wasn’t enough, Seguin is tearing it up right now, leading the NHL in goals with 14 and third in overall points with 24.  At the rate he is going, he might just win the scoring title for the Stars.

But guess who is hot on his heels?

#Lumbersexual

Beard? Check.  Tats? Not sure.

But I gladly volunteer to find out.


Are you also into beards and tats? Check out @beardsandtats. It’s a personal fave.

What Goes Around

The best revenge after being dumped is to become more attractive. Exponentially, impossibly, space-and-time-threateningly more attractive.

image

Like James Neal at the 4 minute mark of this post-game coverage.

neal1

Top to bottom, fade from brown to orange to yellow.

The second best part, right after his face, is how much James hates doing this interview. He doesn’t get sassy, drones through cliches like I nap through episodes of Boardwalk Empire and says nothing. Repeatedly.

neal2

He’s basically ombre.

It’s almost as if he’s testing to see if they’ll keep asking questions we’ll keep watching.

Please. I paused it to make popcorn and come back.

neal3

Damn, he was trying to start a new trend.

The Pens’ only counter to this rakish hair-times-gingerbeard-equals-destruction is to mess with Neal’s car on their recent trip to Nashville. [In the Ropm: S4, E2]

lambo

Don’t leave Flower, Letang and Geno unsupervised.

It’s funny, of course, but we all know you tease the one you like the most.

image

The Preds have a new episode of Beneath the Ice up, in which James was apparently learning to cook.  Rich Clune, humanitarian.  Before Clune’s waivers/AHL assignment, hopefully James learned a few survival skills - like that Lamborghini is ridiculous and I will always make fun of it. (Correction from Alison: It’s a Ferrari. Apparently I never recovered from Mike Green’s white Lambo and confused the sleeve-tattooed, bearded drivers and their white chariots of overcompensation.)

nealBTI

My car has no backseat! Wait a minute…

In the next episode, James gets the A.  From Peter Laviolette.  Maybe we should have seen it coming?  Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy hated each other basically right up until it started raining.

nealBTI2

Pants, that is so 2012.

James is leading Nashville with 9 G, and tied for second with 14 points.  The Preds are second in their division, one point behind St. Louis, and third overall in the West.  They play tonight in Toronto, where you know all the Ontario boys love to show off in front of their family and friends.

Mustache Monday

We are halfway through November, and that means halfway to getting these mustaches off everyone’s faces!  Just kidding - we love Movember and applaud the many men’s health concerns for which it raises awareness and funds. Just don’t wear a mustache home to meet our parents on Thanksgiving.

grabner

#sorryhesnotsorry

This year I donated on the promise that Mr. Pants would spare us all from his attempt. [Donate here]  Ever the joiners, some of our favorite hockey players could not be persuaded by the same argument.

crosby

Does this mustache make my jersey look 80s?

The Sidstache continues its bi-annual tradition of failing to ruin Crosby’s face.

Tweet

Twitter is our confessional.

For a guy I’m willing to guarantee has never seen an adult film, John Tavares’ mustache is alarmingly licentious.  Give it a week to darken and a glass of scotch, it’ll be straight off Paul Rudd’s face in Anchorman.

tavares

Sex Panther (Yes, I really typed that.)

Like our favorite season – playoff beards – Movember is a time when any hockey player can shine.  The enthusiasm is fueled by charity, rivalry and selfies taken up one’s own nose.

winnik

crashzoom

Winnik’s mustache is pretty spectacular, but Komarov is no slouch.  Did we say get these mustaches off?  Rescind.  Let these babies grow.

komarov

It’s so heavy, he can’t stand up.

Chuck wanted to hire Eddie Lack as our new intern, then Intern Jeff Skinner saw his Movember face and sighed with relief.  This does not work for free.

lack

Time for a trim, Eddie.

She’d have had better luck with Montreal’s Brendan Gallagher, who could get a dollar for every hair in this mustache and still need to borrow five bucks for lunch.

gally

Soul patches may result in disqualification

But it’s not the result that count. It’s the effort and collective knowledge that no one, in any year, can ever really win Movember.  Because let’s face it, not even 2014 Beard of the Year and Stanley Cup winner Jeff Carter can really rock a mustache.  He’s just standing in this hallway, waiting for D’Artagnan to arrive for their duel.

carter

Also resembling this guy from Justified.

Who’s rocking your favorite facial hair this month?  With two weeks to go, who else will finish strong?

Foxy Friday: Elias Lindholm

This week’s Foxy Friday suggestion came to us from one of our twitter followers, Ellie (aka @hockeyfied)

Ellie - Elias Lindholm

#AllGrownsUp

Besides the obvious (#Sweden), I honestly had no idea who Elias Lindholm was.

But I do now.

Bless you, Ellie, for enlightening me.

Everyone meet Elias Viktor Zebulon Lindholm.

You can ring my bell.

Yes, that it is actually his name, and yes, it is all kinds of awesome.  Sort of makes him sound like a member of the Swedish Royal Family or something.  Name me one girl on this planet that wouldn’t want a prince like this of her very own.

Elias is foxy because he understands the value of learning from the Master.

A Jedi and his young Padawan

Elias is also foxy because he kinda has a young Mike Modano thing happening.  Or maybe it is a Mitchell Goosen thing.

Either way, we dig….hardcore.

“You hockey warrior! Hockey Nintendo!”

Elias is foxy because of this hair.  It’s fantastic.  But would you really expect anything less from a man from the land of perfect hockey players.

He woke up like this.

Seriously.  The flow – spectacular spectaular. WUYS Approved!

You lace the track. I’ll rock the flow.

Now, are we SURE he is only 19?   Because this is not the face, nor the beard of a 19-year-old.

#BeardWatch2015

But probably Elias’ best and most endearing attribute – his bromance with Intern Jeff Skinner.

Hey, bro. Let me copy your answers.

Rutti Tutti, Fresh and Fruity

Grumpy Cat & Travel Gnome

We love Intern Jeff Skinner.  If Intern Jeff Skinner thinks that Elias is good people, well then, that is good enough for us.

—-

Note: There is a distinct possibility that I will be meeting some of the Carolina players after their game with Boston on Saturday, so I’ll let you know if he’s cuter in person.   Stay tuned to WUYS twitter feed for updates!

 

Foxy Friday: Robert Bortuzzo

I’ve had late-night work events followed by early mornings all week, haven’t even been home in three days and I started this post at 8 AM. Still nothing – nothing! - shall keep me from a Foxy Friday that is 10 months, two dinners and one KISS costume in the making.

Foxy Friday: Robert Bortuzzo

borts9

Photo by our favorite, Carmen Mandato!

You may recall that when Lindsay, Alison, Emma and I went to Pittsburgh in March, Borts was the mayor.  We saw him at dinner the first night.  Two days and two games later, not only did Borts show up at dinner again, he brought Crosby with him.  And made sure we saw Brandon Sutter.  And almost made Alison drop her drink.  Okay, that was me.  If he’d shaken our hands and asked for a campaign donation, I would have given him my whole purse.  We learned that Pittsburgh is a wonderful place and there are Penguins in every restaurant.  

Vote Bortuzzo.

borts stat

Is this heaven? No, it’s Thunder Bay.

Tall, dark and handsomely bearded, Robert Bortuzzo has quite the foxy competition on a team full of dorks in boyfriend shirts.  Yet I’d say he has cornered both markets.

borts4

That pullover counts every time.

Borts – who I really want to call “Rob” but it’ll never stick – and Beau Bennett spend all their free time visiting patients in hospitals. There are so many pictures they really must go every day.  What a pair.

borts1

Another of the many stories here.

Other areas where Robert Bortuzzo excels include charming children and babies [video]:

borts kids

Best babysitter ever

Holiday cross-dressing:

borts halloween1

Thigh-highs on 6’4″ Borts would be overalls on me.

Shirtless interviews (to highlight beard evolution, of course):

borts11

Videos from 10/20, 10/31 and 11/3 (is broken)

Prom:

borts3

Just have him home by curfew.

Wearing a Red Sox hat:

WUYS-approved

We’re WUYS and we support this message.

Did I mention the hair/beard combo?

borts7

Curls for the girls

And the Red Sox hat?  He also loves waffles and The Sandlot.

 I mean, come on.

Despite all those talents, Rob is really best – and we mean best – at reaction faces. There’s no feeling you can’t express in a Bortuzzo internet jpeg.  Try it.

When your boss is explaining something completely wrong:

I am surrounded by idiots.

I am surrounded by idiots.

When this isn’t where you parked your car:

But I went in through Nordstrom, I swear.

But I went in through Nordstrom…

When that just really happened holycrapyouguys!

I hope someone Snapchatted that.

I hope someone Snapchatted that.

When you get the last deluxe copy of the new Taylor Swift at Target:

No bonus tracks for you suckers!

No bonus tracks for you suckers!

When you think you’re not the prettiest person in the room (but you really are):

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Keeping up with the Kardashians

When Hockey Twitter is talking shit:

Amazing screencap from pensfan4lfe.tumblr.com

I thought I unfollowed Rossi!

When the 2014-15 schedule says you don’t come to DC until late January:

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My expression right now.

Borts is recently back from injury and we’ve been holding on this Foxy Friday for his return. He had a fight last night vs. Blake Wheeler, involving a lot of very long arms and a possible misunderstanding of velocity physics:

 

In his 77 NHL-game career, Bortuzzo has 2 goals, 13 assists and 108 penalty minutes. That’s one goal for every time we saw him in Pittsburgh.  Want more offense from your defense, Penguins?  The solution is obvious and we’ll work for tickets.

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Waiting to see his name on the scoreboard.

If we may make a suggestion based on past levels of costume commitment, Rob looks a little like Sacha Baron Cohen (especially here).  It’s never too early to plan next Halloween.

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We apologize in advance if this happens.

Our reaction shot is ready to go:

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:: speechless ::

Follow Borts on Twitter @rbontuzzo21. Happy Friday!

Mo Bros, Mo Sistas, Movember

As you well know, Pants and I have a true, strong, and real appreciation for men’s facial hair.  We’ve been blogging about it for years now and like to think that we’ve become experts on the topics.  It sustains us, like manna from heaven. We are all about the beards but this month, we’re all about the mo.

Movember - A special time of year when men everywhere, including a number of NHL players, attempt to grow moustaches to raise money and awareness for men’s health.

Some are successful and grow glorious, perfect, masculine facial follies that make us swoon.  And then there are those that try, oh so valiantly, but come up just short.

The Masters.

Uhhhhh…

This year, I’ve made the decision to support men everywhere and participate in this charitable movement as a Mo Sista.  And I want you to join my team!

Pugstache

It doesn’t matter if you’re a Mo Bro or a Mo Sista, I want you on my team!

Guys, sign up to grow a moustache, or ladies, sign up to support the men in your life. It’s going to be a great journey.  It might get a little “hairy”, but it’ll be totally worth it.

Come a part of the What’s Up, Ya Sieve Movember Team by going to http://moteam.co/what-s-up-ya-sieve


You can learn more about the important work and impact the Movember Foundation is having at: http://us.movember.com/programs

 

 

Foxy Friday: Nino Niederreiter

It’s Friday, folks, so you know what that means!

FOXY FRIDAY!

Today, we’re featuring a guy with one of the coolest names in hockey – Nino Niederreiter.

Say that five times fast.

But who exactly IS Nino Niederreiter?

Nino is part of the youth movement in Minnesota, part of a core group of players which are poised to be an integral part of the Wild’s climb in the very difficult Central Division.

He was born in 1992 in Switzerland, land of Ricola and neutrality. One might not think of Switzerland as a hockey powerhouse, but over the last few years, there has been an emergence of Swiss talent joining the NHL ranks.

Roman Josi. Damien Brunner. Yannick Weber.  All Swiss. All love chocolate.

Mister…Randy…Watson!

Niederreiter, AKA El Nino, was drafted 5th overall by the Islanders in the 2010 Entry Draft, making him the highest drafted Swiss player in NHL History. At the 2013 Entry Draft, he was traded to the Wild in exchange for Cal Clutterbuck and a 3rd round pick.  He’s 6’2″, 210 lbs, shoots left and this season, he has 2 G and 2A in 9 games.

Also, his eyebrows are working for us.

My eyebrows are up here, ladies.

In last year’s playoff game 7 verses the Avalanche, Nino had two goals and an assist including the OT game-winner to advance his team to the second round, earning his forever place in the hearts of Wild fans everywhere.

Snipe.

Some other important things you should know about the newest member of the Foxy Friday Fraternity -

He loves slides.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

And Pictionary.

Boo.

His favorite mode of transportation are of the two-wheeled variety.

They see me rollin’…they hatin’

Beep! Beep! Who got the keys to the Jeep?

In his spare time, he enjoys knitting/wearing amazing boyfriend cardigans.

Knit 2, Purl 1

“If you want to destroy my sweateerrrrrrrrrrrr”

Perfecting his model look into middle distance. (it’s alot harder than it looks, people.)

Le Tigre

Channeling Sidney Crosby and his #AwkwardPockets.

#awkwardpockets

After his hockey career ends, we think he’d have a great future as a lumberjack.

“How much wood…

…could a woodchuck chuck…

…if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

And in honor of Halloween, we give you this gem.

Iceman, Maverick, and Goose

Top Gun Boys.  Get us every time.

Check out Nino on the twitter at @thelnino22.

Beneath the Ice

You could do worse than to launch your new season and new show with James Neal’s face. The Preds’ “Beneath the Ice” series debuted the other night with 6-plus minutes of what James is good at off the ice.

 

1. Sitting like a boy.

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Lean back.

(Remember when John Tavares was the only one with media training, and that was at 14? This is Exhibit A.)

2. Politely discussing that time Pittsburgh dumped him via Post-It Note.

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Aspiring Gingerbeard

Wait, James isn’t good with media! Who is this guy?  Maybe he didn’t need to be trained this time around.  Someone still shouldn’t let him sit like Homer Simpson.

3. Asking to have his roster photo retaken. Hey, if he doesn’t critique it, someone (around here) will! And for the record, it looks great.

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“Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?”

4. Wearing a shirt that’s too small.

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Does this jersey makes my arms look long?

5. Being unfamiliar with imperfect hair. Push it back?  Are these bangs or curtains?

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Do you have any product?

So, is this grown-up James Neal starting over? Nashville is a promising market with a new coach and new system. It’s a chance to prove himself on the ice, to let his talent speak and shut his temper down. Hockey media, not without reason, are skeptical – though I thought the word “castoff” in this Puck Daddy piece was harsh. Turns out I’m protective (and only I’m allowed to give James shit for being an idiot!). Nashville press seem to have embraced the potential, and it will be up to James what they have to say about him.

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Impressing the new boss.

We got our Rich Clune Foxy Friday posted just in time: he was placed on waivers by Nashville. Rich’s mom RT’d the Foxy Friday, which is the highest honor in the land and we can now retire. Luckily for Neal, Clune cleared waivers and was assigned to Milwaukee. Let’s hope Rich left a stocked fridge for Nealer and gets recalled to the Preds soon.

We need more of this:

 

In the next episode of Beneath the Ice, James drives a car and asks for directions. Lost and boring. It was filmed prior to Clune’s departure but this better not be what James turns into with Rich gone. Don’t get too nice, buddy.

 

Nah, we can’t leave it there!  Here’s James’ hat trick from last week:

 

#HockeyHalloween2014

Happy Hockey Halloween everyone!

It’s that special time of the year again when all of our favorite hockey players dress up in hilarious and sometimes ridiculously tiny, costumes, for our entertainment.  Most of the time, it is to bring joy and smiles to sick kids.  But sometimes it is strictly for our enjoyment.

Especially these two…

Dallas Stars (Tyler Segiun, Jamie Benn, Cody Eakin, Brenden Dillon)

BeguinTurtlePower

TURTLE POWER!

TURTLE POWER!  Seguin as Raphael? Benn as Leonardo?  If you know anything about TMNT, you know how supremely perfect this is.

Our love for Beguin is real and true, but this year’s Candy Bowl goes to Matt Fraser, Dougie Hamilton, Kevan Miller, Matt Bartkowski, Torey Krug, and Seth “Stewie” Griffith from the Boston Bruins.

bruins as frozen

Couple of years ago, we had Zee Bunny. This year, we get Dougi-Elsa.

We applaud these men for completely letting go of their ego (and their dignity) to don these costumes to cheer up a bunch of sick kids.

Krug totally loves warms hugs. Griffith’s Hans wig gives new meaning to the term hockey hair. And Matt Fraser, bless his heart) looks like a ‘roided out Pippi Longstocking.

bruins frozen selfie

But let’s be honest – Matt Bartkowski is everything.  If there was anyone on the Bruins roster that could pull off that look, it was Bart.  The Sven the Reindeer costume look absolutely perfect on him.  When he come to the WUYS Fancy Dress Party as my date, I want him to wear that.

I love it and I love him. Be my boyfriend.

“Who’s the funky looking donkey over there?” “Oh that’s Sven.”

I’m sure the Bruins weren’t the only team to dress up and have a good time, but boy, did they do it with some flair.

Foxy Friday: Rich Clune

You should know we didn’t discover Rich Clune when James Neal got traded to the Predators.  Any NHL player who is sassy on Twitter piques our interest pretty early.  But standing next to – or taking in – one of our favorites certainly brings the light.

clune7

Even Puck Daddy has a piece about Neal & Clune today – “James Neal in Nashville: Happy, dumb and dumber.”  In a good way, of course.  Remember “Dumb and Dumber” once referred to Neal and Malkin, but this is a different level.

clune

And this gem of an outtake from yesterday’s post: Beneath the Ice.

Clune was drafted in the third round in 2005 (71st overall), but didn’t make his NHL debut until 2009-’10, when he played just 14 games for the Kings.  He wouldn’t see NHL ice again until 2012, after he was waived by the Kings post-lockout and picked up by the Predators.

nhl

During that time, and for a long time leading up to it, Clune battled alcoholism.  He spoke about it with ESPN in March 2013.  Reading the story, Rich sounds like a much older guy telling the story of a troubled youth.  Perhaps that life-change is why he’s still in the League today.

clune8

It could also be why he’s so open.  His secrets are out, he’s a 4th line guy, what are people going to say about him?  He wants, both desperately and to the point of comedy, to stay and play.  In July, Rich published a 30-minute online radio program about his recovery.  He called it the “debut show,” but so far it’s the only one.  Over the summer, Clune spoke to Puck Daddy about being a reluctant role model.

clune9

For a guy with such a serious side, Clune certainly rebounds with energy.  When James Neal was traded to Nashville, he moved in with Clune – they were drafted the same year, by the same team.  The budding bromance puts a lot of pressure on the Preds web content folks to deliver! (Cliff notes: Dude Perfect.)

clune6

Rich uses social media the way it should be used: often, if you’re funny.  Contract negotiations?  He has a few ideas.

clune11

Soccer?  No thanks.

clune4 clune3

Don’t let the arms distract you from this outfit, a color and pattern combination worthy of Mr. Pants and thus my heart.

clune5

Rich plays the guitar (shirtless, of course), hosts taco night because he probably read online Neal can’t feed himself and did the ice bucket challenge in possibly the #2 outfit of all time (behind Toews’ Spanx).  He has a lot of tattoos, since some of you are into that, and almost as many pictures of his feet in Summer Skates flip-flops.

clune2

Clune’s NHL career includes 120 games, 11 points and 305 PIMs.  He has 32 regular season fights in just three regular seasons.

clune10

We love a good redemption story, and Rich Clune has survived with style and humor. He’s proven he can take care of himself – we appreciate him looking out for Nealer too. As for the Predators, atop their division and with a host of Foxy Fridays on their roster, well they are taking care of business.

Follow Rich on the webs: @richcluneshow, instagram.com/richcluneshow 

(PS: Sorry I still can’t center photos!)

To the fella over there…

Attention everyone: James Neal cut his hair.

neal1

Fifty shades

In fact, James Neal cut his hair a week ago and I didn’t even notice.  How does this happen? Am I so fickle when someone departs my team? I basically wrote, “Friends forever!” in his yearbook back in June, then went to college and forgot about him. A few kind, attentive readers mentioned the haircut, worried about my reaction to his season opening, trade-rebellion-mullet, but I did not look up a photo until now.

It was worth the wait.

neal2

No one helped me when I had a mullet.

This is excellent.  It’s almost modest, a pre-Pittsburgh, Stars-era James. Maybe the Preds equipment guys don’t provide the players’ favorite hair products in both home and away locker rooms, like Pens’ Dana Heinze.

Any new haircut needs to grow just a bit, but we are back in business.

neal3

I guess she likes my haircut too.

Photos from David Yurman in-store event, October 14.  This is a second, do-over haircut after the one Rich Clune treated us to on Twitter (resulting in the aforementioned mullet).

neal

Some assembly required.

Nealer is featured on the Predators main page at the moment (in the acceptable pre-haircut days).  Does this mean he’s fitting in down in Nashville?  Ehhh, not quite yet – at least on the ice.  He’s got just two goals in six games and my fantasy team is not happy.  But the Preds are first in their division and second in the Western Conf (10 points), still undefeated in regulation and James’ short hair can only mean better days are on the way.

neal4

Cover guy

Here’s another teaser of the Preds’ Beneath the Ice series that kicks off with a James episode on October 25.  It’s not quite Dude Perfect, but there is potential for season-long reality bromance programming.

 

One more in which James says “roundabout” and nothing else happens.  At all.

 

American Dream

As you know, hockey does not often make American airwaves.

I sometimes wonder what percentage of our population could identify Wayne Gretzky, forget Gordie Howe or Crosby or Intern Jeff Skinner.  It would be a killer round on “Celebrity Name Game,” after so few of my countrymen recognize Bill Gates but everybody knows Jared from Subway.

Imagine my excited double take when I saw this Gatorade ad (over the summer) featuring our favorite meerkat, Patrick Kane.

 

I may have fist-pumped in the gym.  Patrick Kane on TV with Bryce Harper?  With Dwyane Wade, from basketball, who is not Dwayne Wayne from “A Different World?” And that football guy I don’t know, but he’s in a lot of commercials so he’s probably a Kardashian?!  I thought, “Go Kaner!” and “Yes, his hair looks pretty good in this.”

kane2

Can’t be looking a mess when you finally make your break.

** I INTERRUPT THIS POST TO BRING YOU THE GREATEST THING EVER. **

kane6

I want you to join the US Dance Team.

Go here: Gatorade Kane Locker Tour. Click the headphones.  Click everything, and between everything click the headphones again.  How on Earth has this existed since July and we’ve never seen it?

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Recently,  another beloved tradition returned – McDonald’s Monopoly.  It’s the quintessential learning tool for American kids: throwaway money, shiny cars and that one time you went to jail but it wasn’t a big deal.  On Sunday, Mr. Pants and I hit the drive-thru. Only his soda cup had Monopoly pieces, and he didn’t notice.  I didn’t really care.  Then five hours later, at home, the Monopoly commercial came on.

 

Mr. Pants, looking around as if we keep old cups on the table: “It’s Monopoly time?”

Me, running toward kitchen, “YOU CAN WIN PATRICK KANE??”

kane7

Lebron, yes,  But a race car driver? America loves race car drivers!

Let me tell you, I went into the garbage.  I didn’t even hear what the Kaner-related prize was but I flung aside hours of moving debris just in case this was my chance to strike it Patrick.  I didn’t dig through trash to win money or Beats by Dre headphones or whatever, only for Patrick Kane.

kane8

This was just the change in my pocket.

Turns out the prize is – I still don’t know. Hawks tickets probably. That’s worth a dumpster dive. Our cup yielded nothing, not even a free soda in another cup with which to continue this cycle. The truth is: you never win, unless you actually are Patrick Kane.  Multiple Stanley Cups and most valuable-type trophies?  Side prizes.  He is standings next to wheelbarrow full of cash on the Monopoly board while it rains McChickens, all broadcast on TV.  That, folks, is the American Dream.

kane7

Do these skates make me look short?

His hair doesn’t look as good in this ad, though.