The Case for Danny Briere

Lindsay tried to warn Chuck about this last night – I’m surprised Chuck didn’t lock me out of here today!

It’s not that serious, but I’ve got a recurring problem: every time I hear the Rascal Flatts song “Banjo,” I get really excited and start rocking out in my car.  It’s a good 30 seconds before my brain remembers, “ACK!  I don’t like Rascal Flatts!  That guy’s voice drills my brain!”

This is the same experience I have when Danny Briere scores (minus the dancing).  I don’t like the Flyers!  His voice gives me the creeps!  Yet I still get really, really happy for him.

AAGHHHWHAT?! I know. Just listen: he scored 16 goals this season.  As in all year.  He has 8 goals in the playoffs – as in the last three weeks!  Five were vs. Pittsburgh and each was a nail in my coffin.  Now I have more perspective.  It’s like walking into the gym after a late night, looking at the treadmill and thinking, “This is going to hurt.”  I’ve accepted that it’s going to happen, and happen often, so I might as well get something out of it.

I’ve been saving this till you were all buttered up over Claude.  Briere’s kids are adorable and everyone’s hair is too long!  It’s like a Disney movie waiting to happen – somebody sweep in and make these guys a meal with vegetables!  (Giroux moved out, but he’d probably come over for free dinner.  You might have to feed Couturier too [link].)

I’m not saying Danny Briere will be drafted by my fantasy hockey team composed entirely of hot dads.  Chuck hates his beard and that whispery voice.  But he’s kinda Lord of the Rings-ish, no?  Legolas by way of the Shire?  He looks like he’d be good with a bow and arrow.

Speaking of Flyers I don’t like but can’t help enjoying – I mean Hartnell in just this one case.  And when he falls down.  Maybe I should make a list!

For Linsday, here’s Giroux in another episode of Things That Are Also Orange:

The sun could be considered orange, and these legs need to see some of it.

I still want New Jersey to win, and for Foxy Friday Parise to keep a) losing his helmet and b) scoring goals like last night.  I’m not completely insane, just turning into a softie.  My only excuse is that I’m traumatized by the playoffs and need a trip to the quiet room.  Bright colors and a good old-fashioned Cinderella story are clearly distracting me.  I’m even giving myself the “Hall of Shame” tag for this lapse in good judgement.

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  1. This is like our entire text message conversation from last night – I love it! Briere’s whispery voice, Giroux porn (shhhhh don’t correct me), Parise without his helmet. I’m going to ignore this “crush on Danny thing” – lalalalalalalalalala.

    And yet another reason to love TSN. I’m sorry, but it’s the only thing that Canada has over the US – everything else is cooler from America. But that video of the Briere/Giroux family? Awesome. And HOT DAMN Gingeroux is uber sexy. I could be close to saying I love the Flyers – looks like I’ve fallen under your spell yet again, Pants.

    • I’m taking you all down with me! Mwahahahahaha. Now, go Devils. Seriously.

      • I will NOT go down with you, Pants!!! I will NEVER profess any kind of love for the Flyers – EVER. Seriously.

        Go, Foxy Friday Parise & Devils!!!!

        • After seeing Zach Parise helmet-less on the bench last night I think he deserves a repeat mention as Foxy Friday.

          • Jess

            Seconded. Captain Hollister for all the Foxy Friday honours.

  2. Ashleigh Reply

    This really made me laugh. I have a similar Danny B thing going on; it’s almost as though he’s better in my mind then I see him & I’m like ….hmmm, not so much…..his kids are adorable and he kinda verges on hot dad territory so for now I’ll keep him in mind…..and yeah now that u mention the whispery voice………

  3. MouthGuard Reply

    Briere is a freaking stud. He should have won the Conn in 2010 (sorry Tazerites). The only reason he didn’t score more goals this season is because he sat a chunk of it out with injuries. But when he’s healthy and determined, he’s lethal. He reminds me of the type of guys that used to dominate the NHL pre-lockout. People go on and on about how tiny he is, blah blah blah. He’s ENORMOUS out there. Perfect combination of hockey smarts, chops and chutzpah.

    He’s absolutely gorgeous. He’s not orange. He doesn’t have weird teeth or brillo hair. His smile is to die for and his sideburns take no prisoners. He has handled a messy personal life with tremendous aplomb, and rather than feel sorry for himself/feel like a loser because – gasp! – he got DIVORCED (like most hockey players – like it’s the worst thing in the world ever) he has simply taken the bull by the horns and shown his peers how to be The Perfect Single Dad.

    I wish he wasn’t a Flyer. Sorry. :( How about a Foxy Friday featuring him? If you already did one, maybe a playoffs edition update?

    • MG, you’re trying to get me killed by Chuck, aren’t you?! I think the dad thing is adorable and the Flyers have had a few horrible divorces that make me really sad. Everyone be happy, damn it!!

      He’s only tiny compared to the Flyers. It’s not like he’s St. Louis or Gionta-sized.

      • dawncherrie Reply

        I love Danny Biere and this gets me into SO much trouble in my house. I cried when he brought his kid to the all-star game. And besides him. EVERYONE must be ORANGE for PHILLY. I’ve converted. I’m OUT, I’M LOUD AND I’M PROUD SISTERS. DANNY is a sniper and he’s AWESOME. Sorry Mr. Cherrie. Buffalo’s loss.

        • MouthGuard Reply

          Oh snap you know “Biere” means BEER in French, right?! :) :) :)

          Jackpot!!! He should make a really crappy home-brew, slap an orange label on it and call it “Danny Biere”… He could even donate all the sales to his charity, comme ça:

          http://i48.tinypic.com/dobhj4.jpg

      • MouthGuard Reply

        She will only kill you with kindness, I’m sure. And for sure, tiny is as tiny does. He’s uuuuuugggge.

  4. Michelle Reply

    Well I love the Gingeroux and told my daughter today that she had to marry him since her dad/my husband won’t let me have him! I’m all about the Flyers until they win and then (hopefully) play the Caps. Then I will most def be cheering for the Caps but on the Flyers end for warm-ups where I can have meaningful eye contact with my future … Son-in-law!

  5. No, Pants. No. I can see the Giroux thing, even if I don’t agree with it. I could understand a Talbot thing if such a thing existed, because he does have a certain appeal to the ladies from what I’ve seen over the years. But no. Not Briere.

    This is making me feel so much better about me developing an attraction and love of Mike Richards over the past few weeks. At least he’s not wearing orange any more.

    • MouthGuard Reply

      Not wearing orange anymore? You can say that again:

      http://i50.tinypic.com/5bd85h.jpg

      Briere’s got a manchild thing going that I can see being weird to a lot of people. He might be a bit of an acquired taste. I prefer him with facial hair. I would like him even more if he did NOT wear orange.

      Flyers/Kings SCF. Can you just imagine? Wow. Certainly wouldn’t be a dull moment!!!!

      • I think Pierre would lose his mind trying to balance his bromances with Giroux & Richards.

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