Birthday Boy: Sidney Crosby

Happy Canada Day!  Oh, wait.  Merry Christmas!  No, that’s not it either.

Happy 25th birthday to the Crosbot!  Yeah, that’s the one.

You either love Sidney Crosby, or you hate him.  Which is fine because I love him enough for everyone.  Sure, sometimes I want to smack him and say, “Stop being such a brat!”  But most of the time he’s a superstar talent with the superhuman ability to never say anything meaningful to the press.  Even when (I dream) he desperately wants to tell the world to F OFF.

And when he does… well, you think I love him now.

Truth in art, by itsstaalgood.tumblr.com

Some of you know that I met my husband because a) I was drunkinking in a bar, b) it was the ’08 playoffs and c) he kinda looks like Sid (more so back then).  I said, “I’m going to talk to that guy, he looks like Sidney Crosby.”  Et voila.

Sidebar: Mr. Pants does not find this as funny as I do.

Absolutely, 100% real-life me if this ever happened.  Complete with glasses.

I could go on all day, but I’ve been going on for 2+ years with this blog and I think you get the picture.  I’m not normal (see: traitorous love for the Washington Capitals) so I don’t have normal people problems.

What I do have is one of these:

And I’ve worn it to hockey games in these places:

And every time I do I feel like:

Because people are saying, “What IS that hideous thing she’s wearing?” and I’m all, “Shut up, bitches, I’m going to prom.”

So if you’ve ever used an 8 or a 7, or used them together, rejoice today in knowing that someone born on this day, who wears this number, will be making this much money per year for the next twelve years.  That’s over a decade for Reebok to find one male fitness commercial model who’s half as… Crosby as Sid.  (Good luck.)  And maybe a pair of sunglasses for the guy.

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  1. michelle Reply

    Pee in your pants funny, you are!

  2. Jesus. Sid says “different positions” and my mind goes to ALL THE DIRTY PLACES. How HOT is he in this video?? Happy birthday, kid – congrats on another year of making me feel inadequate compared to your legion of accomplishments. Canada (and Pants!) loves you!!

    • I’m still not sure what he’s talking about in that video.

      His hotness is really distracting. But I don’t mind.

      In fact, just turn up the heat, Sid. I can take it.

  3. Alexandra Reply

    I’m completely obsessed/in love/crazy in love with Sidney, so this blog post is in my opinion, BY FAR, the best….and the other posts about him are just as awesome 🙂
    I
    ‘d be far worse than the kid and his father; i would stare at him, then i would fan myself like a fangirl, then i would scream, and finally i would faint.

    Meeting my future hubby would give me a heart attack from his pure sexiness.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIDNEY PATRICK CROSBY!!!! <3 😀

  4. Sarah Reply

    25 years of akwardness. Lol so much truth!

  5. MouthGuard Reply

    Hard to believe he’s only 25 years old. Still a child, he is. I feel like I’ve been watching him forever, although not nearly enough over the past two seasons. I hope he wished for healthy hockey when he blew out his candles on the cake his Dad’s gonna polish off for him. 😉 A touching, goofy tribute to Sid without being weird – well done, as always!

    • Right?! I just re-read and was like “Hold up. 25??? Fuck I’m old.”

  6. Cassy Reply

    I’d just like to point out I’ve seen the pictures of Mr Pants and he does, in fact, bear more than a passing resemblance to the Crosminator. My jaw actually dropped.

    Anyways, happy belated birthday Mr Crosby. Lord knows what you ask for when you have, in fact, won pretty much everything, but I’m guessing he’d like a normal girl?

    Is it October yet!?

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