I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to think a safe-for-work way to describe this.
The best I could do is a photo play-by-play of me, earlier today. Enjoy.
Someone posts that a Camp Biosteel video is up:
The video opens with Steven Stamkos doing something so extraordinary that it can only be described as walking.
Then turning. While still walking. God, he’s amazing.
I had to pause the video for a second and just:
Guest appearance by Intern Jeff Skinner, showing off his two best skills: lifting heavy things and running away (from girls). Make that three skills – skipping work!
Cut to Stamkos. He doesn’t just walk, he jogs. Someone hold me.
(Pale white guys with their socks pulled up? Apparently yes.)
Oh, it’s not over. Look at him turn…
… and do this until I’m yelling, “LEFT JUSTIFY! Get out of the way!”
Some other people appear in this video, none of which are James Neal. SCANDAL AND OUTRAGE. Tyler Seguin doesn’t even have his puppy and Biznasty is never actually seen doing anything but talking. Hmmm, real life? There’s also actual hockey, shootout-style, which gives me a stomach pain of longing and fear. I keep going back to the beginning.