Birthday Boy: Patrick Kane

Patrick Kane likes to party.  In other news, Tyler Seguin is hot.  When two things so obvious to the world collide, it can only end in Bromaggedon.

First, it was just casual hanging out.  Maybe a Tuesday night happy hour, catch a movie in English with both French and German subtitles that cover half the screen (actual Swiss moviegoing experience).

It was nothing to break up a long-term relationship over.  Everyone knows Seguin never calls before the three day mark anyway.

Then hockey started:

And it was like magic.

ACTUAL magic.

Suddenly, Patrick and Tyler are Lockout Life Partners.

There are date nights involving sawdust and shorts.  Just two guys in matching outfits learning how to wrestle.  It’s perfectly normal.

We all knew that Kaner & Seguin vs. the World was going to be something special.  But did we ever think it would be true love?

Don’t hate the player, hate the lockout.

So it’s no surprise that at the end of a night, from the bottom of a bottle and again in matching shirts, it all came down to this.

Poppin’ buttons, er… bottles.

Go ahead and scroll back up.  Zoom in even.  Somewhere in North America, Toews is doing the same thing while polishing his death stare for the next NHLPA meeting.

In fact, Tazer’s on an Interpol watch list now as a potential threat for an international incident.  P & T are rubbing it in his face, Tweeting and Instagramming and actually playing hockey together.  Jonathan’s been dumped with #nofilter in that awful last-call moment when they turn on all the lights.

Whoever’s hip you’re grabbing at that time of night…

New shoes, plaid shirts, no problems.

Maybe Toews will rebound with a new BFF, someone on this side of the pond, to show ‘em all Kaner’s not the only one who can play the field.  Take a few steps up the 1-to-10 scale himself.  Got anyone in mind, Jon?

At least they could borrow each other’s jeans.

PKane better be careful when he comes home, because what happens in Switzerland is getting us all through this lockout.

Maybe we could just move there?  If this is what they get a guy for his birthday, imagine what they’d have for us.

Oops, not that one…

WE MEANT THIS, YOU GUYS.

It’s hard to be the man, Patrick.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

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  1. I almost dropped my phone in my drink at the bar Saturday night when Segs posted that picture.

    All of my fears of PKane joining him in Switzerland have been confirmed – missing buttons and questionable hand placement included.

    Poor Tazer…

  2. EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS MY FAVOURITE.

    I have been shipping this bromance for 18 months. It is literally meant to be.

    • WHAT JESSICA SAID. ALSO: “At least they could borrow each other’s jeans.”
      GENIUS.

    • 18 months?! Was it the drunken, shirtless Stanley Cup celebrations?

    • Pants Reply

      The best thing about that video is Taylor Hall trying so hard to melt into the background that he nearly goes through the wall into the Room of Requirement.

      • Erica Reply

        *gasp* Best ever. Ahahaha.

    • So dirty I can’t even handle it. And of course Pants loves the Taylor Hall clip. I’m expecting Jess and Amanda to chime in here any second…

      • My chiming is geographically limited. But ALL OF THIS.

  3. jana Reply

    P.P.S. I wonder if Kaner’s mom was there with him. Maybe nonchalantly sitting in a corner making sure things don’t get out of hip, er, hand.

  4. Anne Reply

    Tazer and Sid are my OTP – two nice Canadian boys who just want to play hockey. :)

  5. Ashley Reply

    these 2 are making me think that maybe true love does exist

  6. Seguin’s little wolfman afro is making me verklempt.

  7. MouthGuard Reply

    Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. :) I love it.

    I’m WORRIED. But I love it. It makes me smile.

  8. Marci Reply

    I am sorry but something about Kaner just makes me want to wash my hands…..and maybe take a round antibiotics, just sayin.

    • MouthGuard Reply

      This is why I’m WORRIED. Happy and smug. But WORRIED…

  9. Rebecca Guilbert Reply

    Don’t forget about Marchy! He must feel like a lost puppy dog without Segs!

    • jana Reply

      Marchy has got to be beside himself! Tyler Brown, too. Segs was already two-timing Marchy with Brown over the summer. Now Kane. The boy gets around …

      ;)

      • Tyler Seguin’s harem is far too large to keep track of.