Oh No You Didn’t

This news is a little old, but I was waiting for Toews’ black eye to look like guyliner before I posted a photo of him.

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It’s so late-90’s Rob Thomas, if y’all were even alive back then.

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Tazer got the shiner, of course, fighting Chuck’s LT boyfriend Joe Thornton on Friday.  I looked up from my computer, saw this going down on mute and threw my laptop across the room.  By the time I found the remote it was almost over, which is why Al Gore invented DVRs and rewinding.

Tazer’s scrapping so hard – even took a boarding call – that you know Thornton said something mean about Kaner.  Then Jon called him old.  Thornton dared Toews to grow half a beard.  Toews said ‘Win a Cup!’  Joey said he’d get something better than a lake named after him, then Jon threw off his earrings and press-on nails and went right after a bitch in the high school cafeteria.

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Mind you, Joe Thornton doesn’t have a black eye because he won this fight.

toews gif .gif by michaeldelzotto.tumblr.com

At the 1:08 mark of this video, Thornton says, “He asked me to fight and I was kinda shocked, and I said ‘sure.'”  And he laughs, because it was pretty funny.

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Toews didn’t make a fool of himself or anything – I’ve seen worse fights this week.  But Jon has 3 career fights (all losses/link) and Thornton has 26.  Of the last 15, Joey won 13, lost 1 (to Eric Lindros!) and had one draw.  He’s been around so long HockeyFights.com doesn’t even list winners back then.

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I always like to see star players, especially captains, standing up for themselves.  The two have a history of rough stuff – a couple of head shots from Thornton were blamed for the belated concussion that sat Toews for 22 games last year.

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That said, the Hawks have plenty of get up (what with their undefeated streak) and plenty of guys who’ll drop the gloves.  This was a pretty unnecessary risk.  When Patrick Kane starts being the smart one in this relationship [link], you need to pause.  Then save your sass for the scoreboard.

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You can see the shiner in action here, as Toews talks about a fantastic Blackhawks veteran’s outreach program that’ll make you tear right up.

 

Side note: Auto-life-blog-ban for talking about Toews’ girlfriend, the lucky duck.  Not that you would, but save it for Tumblr.

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Leave a Reply

  1. Bailey Reply

    I love Tazer, but you don’t mess with Jumbo. Silly boy. It’s a hard game to watch when your 2 favorite teams play each other…. And AGAIN tomorrow night.

  2. Feels. All of them. So many. I cannot.

  3. Can’t stop laughing! This is exactly what I needed to read after just getting home from a long day at work! Tazer is my #1 hockey boyfriend, and I loved seeing him stand up for himself. However, I must admit that my favorite part of this post is that Kane gif, it’s amazing!

  4. My boyfriend can totally beat up your boyfriend.

    • Pants Reply

      True. But my boyfriend’s win streak is longer than your boyfriend’s win streak.