Knowing that Stamkos, Neal and Tavares are friends off the ice, the imaginary chirping that goes on in my head over the NHL goal scoring leaderboard is tremendous. For anyone who’s ever enjoyed NFL QBs Talkin’ on Facebook, I bring you this.
Stammer – I’ve got 17 goals in 23 games. How you guys doing back there?
Nealer – I’ve got 14. And I’m hot.
John – I’ve got 14 too!
Nealer – And Geno’s back. I hate being all aloney on my owney.
John – You have a whole team, Nealer.
Carts – Hi guys.
Nealer – Without Geno, it’s just a hollow, empty shell.
John – You’re calling Crosby a hollow, empty shell?
Neal – He doesn’t communicate like Geno.
Stammer – You mean he speaks English.
Nealer – Don’t be jealous.
Nealer – So grouchy. What, get a sunburn at Disney World on your off day?
Stammer – My team’s lost a lot of games lately.
Nealer – Don’t worry, there’s no one in the stands to watch.
John pats Stammer’s arm in sympathy.
Carts – Hello?
Neal – La la la, my boyfriend’s back…
John – Did I mention I’m tied for third in goals?
Neal (loudly) – We heard you!
Stammer – You’ll be fourth when you wake up tomorrow.
John (grumbles) – I’ll still be on Long Island when I wake up tomorrow.
Carts – HELLO?
Stammer – What the hell are you doing here?
Carts – Being second in goals.
Everyone – What? From where?!
Carts waves paper.
Stammer – You have 15 goals?
Carts, glares at Steven – I hear blonds have more fun.
Nealer – Ummmmmmmm….
John – Uh, what’s California like?
Carts – All silver and shiny, like you could just drink out of it.
Stammer – We have shiny days…
Neal – Where’s your boyfriend?
Carts – Please. I was bromancing when you were living with Brad Richards.
Nealer – We had a bromance!
Carts (scoffs) – There’s only one Richards in this League, and he’s mine.
Stammer – Whatever. Second place is the first loser.
Carts – Does your name start with a J? No? Then shut up.
John – Yeah. Sticks out tongue.
Nealer – Well Pants has a James Neal shirt.
Stammer – She has a Stamkos shirt too.
John – Why do your pants wear shirts?
Stammer – Go eat your ice cream, John.
John – Hmph. Fine.
Carts – Shirts are for losers.
Stammer – Just wait. We’ll see who takes it home in the end.
Carts – You should know by now… I always take it home.