And now, a dramatic reenactment of Games 1-3 in the Penguins/Islanders series.

By Britney Spears

Not exactly what Britney meant.

Game 1: Penguins 5, Islanders 0

Oh yeah.  Everything they say about me is true, look how unstoppably hot/young/talented/perfect I am.

Sid: Are you talking about us?

Remember Flower’s wedding?

Game 2: Penguins 3, Islanders 4

Waaaaahhhhhhhhaaaattt do you mean Justin dumped me and I’m fat and tone deaf and I forgot to wear pants to this TV interview?

Sid: I can hear you, you know.

Game 3: Penguins 5, Islanders 4 (OT)

I have no idea what I’m doing maybe this will work RRRRAAAAAHHHHHH oh hey I feel better now.

Sid: You take that back.

The Isles deserve a ton of credit for the great hockey they have played in bursts through the last two games.  How about their crowd yesterday?   I think the Penguins should still have this in the bag if they can just even out their game.  The Islanders have been very good, but anything less than spectacular and it’s the Penguins beating themselves.

Bets on what Tuesday night’s game will look like?

Maybe our pre-season predictions weren’t perfect, but we’re hoping for more luck with these.  If we picked our own teams to advance it’s because we feel they can.  We know they will.  Nothing else is acceptable, RIGHT?

Yet we remind ourselves, and you, these are the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  No team is safe.  Not even the #1 seed.

Pittsburgh (1) vs. NY Islanders (8)

Chuck: Penguins

Let’s be honest here – can anyone beat the Pens right now? It’ll be nigh impossible to stop the Pens on their quest for the Cup.  We’re delighted that they Isles made the big show and excited that our favorite middle school science teacher, John Tavares, finally has the chance to show off his exceptional skill in the post-season.  He could break out but this series is all Pens.

Pants:  Penguins

This is too tough a 1st round draw for the Isles.  The Penguins drop players like kids drop crayons – they can still make a picture, but one color always seems to be missing.  Now it’s: Avengers, ASSEMBLE.  Expect Crosby to be unlike we’ve ever seen him.  There is nothing he (and I) would like better than to take his injuries, time missed and all the shit-talk and shove it down every other team’s throat until they choke.  Whew… I need to calm down.  Is it Wednesday yet?

Montreal (2) vs. Ottawa (7)

Chuck:

Apparently, Erik Karlsson has Wolverine X-Men-like healing ability and boy are the Senators glad to have him back.  His return to the lineup will no doubt lift the Senators’ game. He makes all around him better and that is what his team needs to challenge the Habs.   So goes Carey Price, so go the Habs. He’ll need to be stellar this series for the Canadiens to advance.

Pants: Canadiens

Or alternatively: I don’t care about this series.  If the East sees an upset I think this would be it.

Washington Capitals (3) vs. New York Rangers (6)

Chuck: Rangers

Good looks can only get you so far and Rangers are going to have their hands full with one of the NHL’s hottest teams.  Caps’ PP is en fuego and Ovechkin has poured it on in the last few weeks (14 goals in April!).  But the Rangers have Lundqvist and a solid defensive corps.  Look for the McDonough/Ovechkin match up alot this series.  I’m glad that our friendship is strong and based on more than just hockey because this series will put it to the test.

Pants: Capitals

I believe in the Caps.  Hell, I even believe in Ovi for the last two months.  He is right now the unstoppable, force-of-nature player of years past.  Like then, he brings Nicky and Mikey right up with him.  Add in scrappy players who rise to playoff occasion – Chimera, Hendricks, Beagle, Ward – and it’s talent on top off tenacity.  I think feel hope know it’s going to happen.  The red is ready to rock.

Boston Bruins (4) vs. Toronto Maple Leafs (5)

Chuck:  Bruins

Original Six Match-Up! Bring it on! Bruins won the season series 3-1, but have slumped in the last dozen games.  Leafs have been a better team than they have in the past –  Kessel, Lupul, Van Riemsdyk, and the emergence of Kadri have lifted the Leafs to the #5 seed.  If Bruins want to win this series, they need to play “their game” – physical, punishing, bear-like.  Lucic, Horton, and Marchand need to step up.  Tuukka has played well in the net and it’s his time to shine as the Bruins #1.

Pants: Bruins

The Bruins are bigger and badder – and if they lose this series, it will be because they beat themselves.  Nice to see the Leafs make the dance, though.

Chicago (1) vs. Minnesota (8)

Chuck: Blackhawks

Hop on board the Blackhawks Train! Choo Choo! This team has been on-point from Day 1 of the season and honestly, the Western Conference is theirs to lose.  The Wild just squeaked into the #8 slot by winning their last regular season game. Suter has played well as of late after a rocky start in Minnesota and of course, there is Parise, but it is going to be hard to get past Crawford and Company.

Pants: Blackhawks

Remember in 2010, when you felt like you were watching magic happen?  That’s been going on since January, and it ain’t over yet.  There is almost no one I’d rather watch in the playoffs than Jonathan Toews – he is the epitome of a competitor and a captain.  That game-tying, short handed, under 2 minutes left goal to send Game 7 to OT vs Vancouver in the first round of 2011 still rips out my beating heart like we’re in the Temple of Doom.

Anaheim (2) vs. Detroit (7)

Chuck: Ducks

The Ducks are a team that have flown under the radar all season.  (Flown.  The Ducks. See what I did there?)  Detroit has made the playoffs for the 22nd straight season.  Ducks have a great goaltending tandem with Fasth and Hiller.  Detroit has a phalanx of talented forwards.  Series should be fun to watch but I think Anaheim comes out on top.  I weep at the thought of no Zetterberg playoff beard. WEEP.

Pants: Ducks

I don’t think the Ducks have been under the radar, just far away.  They won all but 2 games in February, so right away they were good and loud about it.  This is the Ducks team we should have seen last year, plus I miss Bruce Boudreau’s red, screaming face.  And Teemu Selanne cannot actually play forever, despite appearances.  Getcha some Haagen-Dazs for this one.

Vancouver (3) vs. San Jose (6)

Chuck: Sharks

If the Canucks are to have any chance on winning this series, Cory Schneider & Ryan Kesler need to be healthy.  Sharks won season series 3-0, have a proven Stanley Cup goalie and a boat-load of forwards led by Joe Thornton, Joe Pavelski, and our favorite caveman, Brent Burns.

Pants: Sharks

San Jose, the NHL’s streakiest team.  Remember how hot they were to begin the season?  If they can find the winning formula again, it’ll be the Conference Final before anyone knows what hit ‘em.  Then the Sharks will choke, because that’s how they do in playoffs.  At least they’ll have taken Vancouver out first.

St. Louis (4) vs. Los Angeles (5)

Chuck: Kings

No way the defending Stanley Cup Champs are going down without a fight and I still think they’ll take the series, but if Backes steps up, this series could go either way.  Sure, the Blues may have lost to the Kings 8 times in a row but like the Black Eyed Peas – I got a feeling.  The Blues do have a shot.  Both teams play a similar game but Blues’ goaltending has been slightly better, so you can see my dilemma.

Pants: Blues

The more I think about it, the more I like the Blues here.  They’re pissed LA swept them out last season.  They’ve won 12 of 15 in April, and 10 of those by 1 or 2 goals.  That’s a lot of hard-scrabble 60 minute hockey, perfectly timed for this time of year.

At the beginning of this lockout-shortened season, we made predictions for how the NHL standings would shake out come April 29th.  Some of them were spot on. Others, not so much.  (Thanks for nothing, Flyers!)

Eastern Conference

#1 - Chuck said Rangers, Pants said Penguins.

Actual: Penguins

Hands out of pockets – Sid is excited!

AND HOW.  This season was a different than expected, but great nonetheless.  Kunitz and Dupuis and Sutter?  Neal getting to 21 if a little slowly? Throw in Iginla, Morrow and Jokinen at the end and whew, it is hot in here!  Pants is sad Crosby will miss some indie awards, but more happy his face is okay and back for the playoffs.

#2 - Chuck said Bruins, Pants said Rangers.

Actual: Canadiens.

It’s not the size of the boat…

The race for top of the Northeast Division was tough all season, with Bruins and Habs jockeying for position.  Bruins almost had the 2nd seed locked but faltered in their last few games of the season.  And their arch-rival was there to pounce all over it.

#3 - Chuck said Penguins, Pants said Capitals.

Actual: Capitals

Not so young, but they’ve still got guns.

Pants didn’t think it would be so damned hard either, or that Ovi would show up to drive this train.  Mike Green leading defensemen in goals?  She probably called that.

#4 - Chuck said Capitals, Pants said Bruins.

Actual: Bruins

#BostonStrong

Please hold while Pants auditions to join Shawn and Gus on Psych.

#5 - Chuck said Flyers. Pants said Hurricanes.

Actual: Maple Leafs

We’re sorry, we misheard.  We thought you said MAPLE LEAFS.

Cartman is so happy!

#6 - Chuck said Lightning. Pants said Flyers.

Actual: Rangers

Blue Shirt Beauty Parlor

Again with the teams that missed entirely!  St. Louis & Stamkos did finish 1-2 in scoring, but that just ain’t gonna cut it.  The Rangers finished just low enough to rematch vs. the Caps and give Pants a stomach ache.

#7 - Chuck said Senators. Pants said Panthers.

Actual: Senators.

Healed right up like the cheerleader from Heroes.

Chuck wins this one.  Panthers finished DFL (dead effing last) with only 36 points. What happened there?

#8 - Chuck said Sabres. Pants said Devils.

Actual: Islanders.

If this girl’s #39 is a Travis Green jersey, I’ll die.

 If you say you predicted this, you’re either Chris Comando or you’re lying.

Western Conference

#1 - Chuck said Blues. Pants said Canucks.

Actual: Blackhawks

Did you really doubt us?

Pants’ prediction was based largely on the bad-assery of Ryan Kesler in past years.  He missed most of the season due to injury, and the Canucks missed him. Chuck’s prediction was apparently based off of David Backes’ puppies & Alex Pietrangelo’s face.

#2 - Chuck said Canucks. Pants said Blackhawks.

Actual:  Ducks

Teemu for President.

We couldn’t figure out why they weren’t better last year, so we didn’t pick them to be better this year.  Shows us.  Never doubt a 42 year old Finn.

#3 - Chuck said Kings.  Pants said Red Wings.

Actual: Canucks

#blergh

Given the Canucks’ goalie soap opera, we not surprised that they finished where they did.  Kesler’s injury didn’t help. Could the Canucks’ 3rd place finish be the start of their Western Conference decline?

#4 - Chuck said Blackhawks. Pants said St. Louis.

Actual: Kings

The Kings over-performed – by not finishing in 8th place.

#5 - Chuck said Predators. Pants said Oilers.

Actual: Blues

.

The obvious conclusion: We don’t watch a lot of Western Conference hockey.  And Pants really loves the Oilers who, in her defense, should be a lot better than they are.

#6 - Chuck said Red Wings.  Pants said Sharks.

Actual: Sharks

Sesame bagels for everyone!

Pants finally got one!  And Chuck was only 1 off!

#7 - Chuck said Sharks.  Pants said Wild.

Actual: Red Wings

Like always betting on black and doubling-down on 11, we learned to make odds in October of ’96 from watching Swingers. The Wings won the Cup that year, and the next.  We didn’t know how to bet against them.

#8 - Chuck said Stars.  Pants said Kings.

Actual: Wild.

Don’t worry, guys. I got this. 

Wild squeaked into the playoffs… by the hair on Zach Parise’s exceptionally chiseled chinny-chin-chin.

Overall, we more closely predicted rankings in the East, but chose more qualifying teams in the West.  Wishful thinking and the Ginger Power of the Flyers only got us so far!

What about you – any bulls-eyes or big misses in your crystal ball this season?

Coming soon:

We’ll be predicting playoffs winners on Puck Daddy (and here) this week.

Five days left left?  NHL ’13, we hardly knew ye!  Let’s be honest, though.

The 2013 season has not been kind to all those we love. Some teams, after these grueling months, could use a break, a tan and another go at it next year.  I’m not saying quit, of course.  Feel free to ruin someone’s playoff hopes on your way out the door! (I’m looking at you, Carolina, vs. NYR.)  You could score 3 goals, Stamkos, and maybe win yourself at least half a trophy!

Here’s to the teams we love, who still lost.  See you soon, boys.

Carolina Hurricanes

There is nothing more depressing than sad Intern Jeff Skinner.  He was so ready for this season – he grew his hair out, a girl sat on his lap, he was guaranteed more Staal-sposure.  Now he’s moping around the office, dragging his blue blankie and eating all the Whatchamacallits.

After a hot start, the Canes have lost… and lost and lost, including 10 of 13 games in April.  Cam Ward has been out so long he’s a myth, like Encino Man.  Dejected Staals are everywhere and I feel for the Hurricanes fans who had every right to expect a big, shiny, blond year out of their team.  At least they have tailgating.

Get these boys a summer, get Jiri Tlusty for my fantasy team and no, I still don’t like Alex Semin.  So there.  Just look at the size of Jordan’s skull in relation to Eric’s and pray that when you have kids, they are not boys.

More on the Canes season from the Raleigh News Observer.

Tampa Bay Lightning

If two hockey players leave the bench at the same time, and one is 23 and the other is 37, how many daisies does the mailman have when he reaches the train station?

The Bolts look at this and say: What do we have to do?!

You know I’m desperate when I start doing math:

• The Lightning offense is 3rd in the NHL, scoring 3.09 goals per game.
• The Lightning defense is 26th in the NHL, giving up 3.07 goals per game.
• A .02 goal differential will get you 2nd to last in your conference.

Marty St. Louis has 1.22 points-per-game this season.  That’s second best in his career, behind the 1.24 he notched in ’06-’07… when he was 31.  Stamkos has a career-high 1.20 points per game right now.  They account for 28% of the entire team’s points.  I’m tried of watching the epic performances of two of my favorite players go to waste.

More on the Lightning season, from The Tampa Tribune.

Edmonton Oilers

#TeamSad.  So much for my eternal optimism.  No number of gap-toothed smiles, puppy shelter visits, hilarious Cabbie videos or underage boyfriends is getting the Oilers into the playoffs this year.  We really tried though, with the collective power of our hoping.  Were we doing it wrong?

Did we not have enough matching golf outfits?  Or magic tricks?  It’s because Alison and Amanda never got their white board out to ask Schultz to the prom, isn’t it?

With absolute talent comes absolute frustration – and I could barely stay awake for an Edmonton game.  Now Molly Ringwald is having shoulder surgery.  Of all the teams not making the playoffs, I’ll miss the Oilers the most.

More on the Oilers season from Edmonton Journal.

Colorado Avalanche

When I first moved to the West Coast, I watched a LOT of Avs hockey.  They were on TV in my new time zone and hey, they won the Cup!  How else would Alex Tanguay be my lobster?  This year I haven’t watched more than 20 minutes of an Avs game, but it can’t look any worse on paper.

This is the 5th of 7 years the former Colorado powerhouse will not make the playoffs.  They rank 27th in attendance (85.2%), above just NYI, Phoenix and Columbus.  Pre-season expectations were not high, but last in the West?  Only 15 wins on the year?  They’re not gonna sell tickets off Landeskog’s Superman smile alone… at least not to anyone but us.

More on the Avs’ season from the Denver Post.

We will miss these teams and players, and hope they have better luck next season.  Also, consider this an open invitation to watch the playoffs from the WUYS office.  If Intern Jeff Skinner ‘s emotional eating leaves us any food.

Pants note: Most of these stats are from Monday, I didn’t get to post in time.

As desperately as we might have tried, we cannot ignore Chris Higgins.

I mean, he’s a Canuck, for pete’s sake.  AND a Montreal Canadien. These alone make our skin crawl.  It fills us with the fire of a thousands suns.  It makes us rage like a Desperate Housewife who has drank up all her chardonnay and has no alimony money left to buy more.

But for today (and only today) do we put aside our blinding hatred and name Chris Higgins from the Vancouver Canucks this week’s Foxy Friday.

Chris Higgins is 100% Foxy.  Here’s how we break it down.

85% – Abs.  Those glorious, perfect, mantacular abs.

 We feel like Emma Stone in “Crazy, Stupid Love” when she sees Ryan Gosling with his shirt off.

8% – Beard.

7% – Smile and overall adorableness.

Obviously, he has some hockey skills too, but we wouldn’t know.

We’re too distracted.

So remember that time, way back in Dec. 2011 BL (Before Lockout) when the NHL proposed a realignment plan that never actually happened?

Well, it’s deja vu all over again.

In a detailed memo sent to League teams on Tuesday, the NHL again proposed a new realignment plan.  This new plan would see the League go from six divisions to four and introduce a form of divisional playoffs instead of the current conference system.

Again, the plan needs approval from the NHLPA and Board of Governors.  If ratified, the plan would take effect for the 2013-14 regular season.

Under this new plan, the conferences would be re-aligned, albeit unevenly.  Columbus and Detroit would move into the Eastern Conference, leaving the Western Conference with only 14 teams.  Teams in the “Blue” and “Green” would be the East and “Yellow” and “Orange” would be West.

The schedule would see each team play teams in the other conference, both at home and away.

In the divisions with 7 teams (Yellow, Orange), the teams would play intraconference opponents three times per season and 5 of the 6 intradivision opponents five times a season.  The 6th opponent within the division would be played four times.

In the division with 8 team (Blue and Green),  teams would play intraconference three times and intradivision either four or five times per season.

With the obvious imbalance between the conference, the League has proposed introducing a wild-card to the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

I guess if it works for the NFL and MLB, it could work for hockey?

Under this new system, the top 3 teams in each of the four divisions would qualify for the postseason. The final four spots would go to the two teams in each conference with the next-best records. In theory, 5 teams from one division and just 3 from the other in each conference could make the post season.

Doesn’t the NHL know that we don’t do no math?  This is too many numbers for us to handle.

Obviously, this plan is not set in stone and who’s to say that it’ll even get approved.

But hypothetically, if it did get approved, how would you feel about it?

Love? Hate? Bored Indifference?

Last night, the Bruins squared off against the Rangers for the 2nd time this young season. Unfortunately, the Bruins lost (or fortunately, the Rangers won, depending on how you look at it) in OT.

This game had it all.  A hat trick. Saves. Blocked shots. A geek fight. And a boy named Dougie.

Thing #1 – A hat trick for Marion Gaborik

Gaborik was salty last night and gathered up his first hat trick of the season.  He’s partnered with Rick Nash and Brad Richards on the Rangers’ first line.  With that combination  I’m thinking that there are going to plenty more of these to come.

Especially impressive was the hand/eye coordination on his OT winner.

Not impressive was my failure to put him in my fantasy hockey line up last night.

Thing #2 – Tuukka Time

Two Us. Two Ks. All saves.  Tuukka Rask played an exceptional game last night, thwarting a number of Rangers’ chances that looked like sure things.

Like this one. And this one.

But especially this one…

Thing #3 – Block It Like It’s Hot

The New York Rangers blocked 5,157 shots. Okay so maybe wasn’t nearly that many, but this aspect of the game is something the Rangers defensemen (and the forwards, to some extent) have on LOCK. They are not afraid to sacrifice their bodies to prevent pucks from getting to Lundqvist.

It is frustrating as an opponent, exciting as a fan, and surprisingly kinda sexy.

Thing #4 –   Darth Quaider vs. Inigo Montoya

We like Brian Boyle.  He seems like an affable, goofy guy and we appreciate that. But damn is he annoying.  He’s like Brad Marchand…if you exposed Marchand to intrastellar radiation resulting in a genetic mutation, comic book-style.  Boyle is not shy about getting right up in there, getting under your skin, and taking some shots to frustrate you.

Be careful, Inigo. The force is strong with this one.

And Thing #5 – Welcome to the NHL, Dougie Hamilton!

Everyone, all together now!  DOUGIE, TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE!

You’re all  still dancing right now, aren’t you?

That’s cool.

We’ll wait.

……..

All set? Got it out of your system? Okay, let’s move on.

Dougie is our newest member of the HFC – the Hockey Fetus Club.  He is only 19, which is just “inconceivable”  and in three games this season has proven himself to be a poised, controlled presence on the Bruins’ back line.  As our friend Pez from Days of Y’Orr said “Dougie is wearing big boy pants now”.  And they fit him quite nicely.

Hamilton moves the puck well and has apparently impressed Coach Claude enough to earn some time on the PP and PK units. Best part of the night – his first NHL point. DH27 had an assist on Brad Marchand’s  power play goal.    The potential with this kid is scary good.  I predict an influx of Hamilton 27 jerseys in the TD Garden stands very soon.

It is not entirely out of the realm of possibility that these two teams could meet in the Eastern Conference Finals.  This game had an incredible playoff-like intensity from start to unfortunate finish. It was on like Donkey Kong from the moment they dropped the puck.  Rangers dominated in the 1st and then the ice tilted to favor the Bruins in the 2nd. The pace of the 3rd evened out as both teams looked to control the play and secure the win.

Although the Bruins lost in OT, they did get a point, bringing them to 5 and first in the Eastern Conference standings.    The teams will face off again on February 12th in their final meeting of the 2013 season.

The day we’ve long-awaited has finally arrived!

Hockey is back!

The lockout-shortened 2013 NHL Season starts today and I know you are just as excited as we are.

Pants has been cartwheeling down the WUYS hallways, while I’ve taken to spinning around and around in my office chair, screaming “Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee”.

Time for our 2013 Season Predictions!!

Eastern Conference

#1 -

Chuck: Rangers. They were *thisclose* last year, so they went out and picked up Rick Nash in the off-season. Not only does this adds much-needed offense but also takes some pressure off of Lundqvist. NYR are a built for another long, tough playoff run.

Pants: Penguins.  I’m always going to say this, at least in the Crosby era.  He’ll have a monster year, added to Geno & Neal lighting it up like last season.  A healthy Letang is a threat on both ends of the ice, and hopefully Flower asks his GAA to go steady.  They’ve got the most offensive firepower in the NHL, enough to cover a few hiccups in the defensive zone.

#2 -

Chuck: Bruins. I might be slightly biased but I’m not the only one that thinks the Bruins have a shot.  Many of the Bruins stars played overseas during the lockout so they should be fit and game ready. Tyler Seguin looks to build on his 2 great season and become the superstar we know he can be.  Fans should be ready for Tuukka Time as Rask will take on the brunt of the goaltending duties with Tim Thomas “retired.”

Pants: Rangers.  I don’t want this to be true, but they’re so strong.  They were a powerhouse before Rick Nash.  If he’s really as good as promised, if he can bring them 40+ goals alongside Gaborik and Richards, they’ll dominate in front of  King Henrik’s debonair brick wall.

#3 -

Chuck: Penguins. Pens only finished a point out of first – and most of that without Sidney Crosby. Reports suggest that his is fully recovered from concussion. If this is in fact true, then the Pens will once again contend for the Stanley Cup.  The departure of Jordan Staal could be a factor but when you’ve got Malkin & Neal, I’m thinking that you’re probably all right.  It will be interesting to see how the defense and goalie tandem of Vokoun and Fleury perform in this shortened season.

Pants: Capitals.  I’m the Queen of Wishful Thinking.  Ovi responded like a brat to having his wings clipped by Hunter last season.  Now Oates is in (and Semin out, seeyalater!), hopefully Ovi will follow suit.  Better support for Backstrom, a healthy Mike Green rediscovering his offensive touch and clutch guys like Chimera make the Caps very promising.

#4 -

Chuck: Capitals. Caps are going to have to put last year behind them and reclaim their spot atop the Southeast division. We have to face the fact that Ovechkin is not the dominating player he once was, so it is up to the other to step up. New coach Adam Oates needs to get this team to perform in the post-season to live up to the Caps fans’ high expectations.

Pants: Bruins.  They’re strong, they’re mean and they’re hungry to reclaim their trophy.  Losing a goaltender like Thomas is a question mark, but their offensive chemistry can make up for it.  Seguin should have a stellar year and plenty of protection out there.

#5 -

Chuck: Flyers. Orange and Black and Red. Expect Flyers to light the lamp a lot this season, led by new captain, Claude Giroux. Captain Ginger is filthy good and is surrounded by guys that can easily score 20 + goals, even in this short season. Defense will be suspect, especially without Pronger and don’t get me started on goaltending.  It is going to be a humougous big problem.

Pants: Hurricanes.  Jordan Staal is a beast.  We only saw a fraction of it in Pittsburgh.  He’ll make Eric a stronger player and take some of the Calder-rebound defensive heat off Skinner.  If only getting a 1-year deal scares Alex Semin into proving himself, he can devastate.  Now someone hug Cam Ward, tell him he’s special, and send him out there to be consistent.

#6 -

Chuck: Lightning.  Stamkos. St Louis. Lecavalier.  Bolts can produce goals but need more from the goaltending if they want to make the playoffs.  GM Stevie Y did get G Anders Lindback from Nashville and the defense will be anchored by Matt Carle, so the potential is there.

Pants: Flyers.  Hartnell and Giroux terrify me, because I hate the Flyers.  My love for Briere only gets me so far.  But their goaltending mess is too volatile to hang any hopes on… and it’s not getting solved anytime soon.

#7 -

Chuck: Senators. So goes Erik Karlsson, so go the Senators.  He’s a bonafide superstar after winning the Norris Trophy last year and will carry this team. While teams focus on shutting Karlsson down, it could free up some of Ottawa’s young talent like Kyle Turris to make their mark.

Pants: Panthers.  I can’t overlook their success from last season, though I’m still not sure how they did it.  They’re aging up singing guys like Kovalev and Parros, but stayed mostly intact and could replicate their success.

#8 -

Chuck: Sabres. My wild card pick. So much potential last year but they stumbled out of the locker room.  They made a great playoff push at the end of the 2012 season but it just wasn’t enough.  The addition of some grit in Steve Ott & John Scott and stalwart goaltender Ryan Miller could allow the Sabres to sneak in to the #8 slot.

Pants:  Devils.  I don’t know about this.  Parise is a big loss to them, and Adam Henrique will suffer the same fate as Jeff Skinner’s sophomore season – now everyone knows to watch out for him.  That could cut his point production, leaving Kovy and Elias with even bigger loads to shoulder.

Western Conference

#1 -

Chuck: Blues. Another team that came *thisclose* to the top spot in the West last year.  St. Louis was the NHL’s top defensive team lead by Alex Pietrangelo on the blue line and the best goaltending tandem, Elliot and Halak.  David Backes will continue to be a two-way hockey machine. Ken Adams has got everyone drinking the Kool-Aid which can only bode well for the Blues.

Pants:  Canucks.  They’re just so… predictable.  Every year, right up there. It’s infuriating.

#2 -

Chuck: Canucks. No team has one the Presidents Trophy three years in a row, but that doesn’t mean that the Canucks are going to try.  Will Luongo remain the #1 goalie or will the Ginger Kid, Cory Schneider, usurp his spot? Their lineup is virtually unchanged and you can count on the Sedins to put up their usual offensive numbers.

Pants: Blackhawks.  I like this team angry.  I like them under-performing and coming back riled up.  Toews missed 22 games last season, and I think his presence is the lynch pin for this whole group.

#3 -

Chuck: Kings.   If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Every member from the Kings’ Stanley Cup team is back.  No reason to think that the Kings can’t win it all again.  Will they suffer from the hangover? Or will the added time only rejuvenate the team to make another run for the Cup?

Pants: Red Wings.  Underestimate them at your peril – but no one ever does.  They’ll be old and rich and winning, as always.

#4 -

Chuck: Blackhawks.  Chicago’s offense is stacked like a library. Toews, Kane, Sharp.  Their defense costs alot of money and they are undersized.  Regardless, the Hawks are always a team to watch.  Big questions that remain are the health of Marian Hossa and their goaltending situation. But don’t get it twisted, you will be seeing this team in the playoffs.

Pants:  St. Louis.  Another team that surprised me last year because I don’t really follow them.  Like Florida they have a lot of guys with solid number, but no real standouts.  Balance and persistence pay off in the end.

#5 -

Chuck: Predators.  My wild card prediction.  Suter might be gone and sure, they lack a dynamic scorer, but I can’t help it.  I like the Preds potential.  Pekka Rinne is a two-time Vezina finalist (and my fantasy goalie). They still got big bad Shea Weber.  Then there is crop of young talent like Colin Wilson, Brandon Yip, and Craig Smith. But most important is Barry Trotz, the only coach the Preds have ever had, who always gets the best from his players.

Pants: Edmonton.  Whaaaaa?  They can score 10 goals a game, I promise.  Add Justin Schultz with all those points he had from the Barons blue line and it might not matter what they give up.  Since they’re all young and restless, they can do it every night.

#6 -

Chuck: Wings.  This might be a stretch but you can never count the Wings out of the playoffs. Lidstrom and Holstrom are retired. Brad Stuart went adios. But when you have Datsyuk and Zetterberg leading the way, you have to put them on the list.  But they wont’ win the Cup.

Pants:  Sharks.  Every year they get into the playoffs, and every year they choke.  They’ve made the Conference Final two of the last three years, and never managed to win more than one game per series.  Something’s gotta give.  Their older guys (Thornton, Marleau, Boyle) are still among their best guys.  They’ve gotta be motivated because they’re running out of time.

#7 -

Chuck: Sharks. This team has depth. You’ve got Thornton, Marleau and Havlat. Add Couture, Pavelski, Clowe. Defense is built on Dan Boyle, our favorite homeless caveman yeti, Brent Burns, and the Pickle, M-E Vlasic. New Sharks Adam Burish & Brad Stuart shore up the blueline.

Pants: Wild.  Let’s see it, Parise and Suter.  Put that money where the playoffs are and show the Minnesota fans they’re right to be so excited.

#8 -

Chuck: Stars.  Knock knock knocking on the Playoffs door. A mix of the old (Jagr, Whitney) and the young (Eriksson, Benn) could have the Stars just sneaking into the playoffs, were they haven’t been in almost 5 years. Lehtonen is a solid goaltender but will he be able to hold on in this shorten season.  If the Stars need to make additions mid-season, he’ll have the money to do so.

Pants: Kings.  Last year’s huge playoff run was not indicative of their team capability.  They were 29th in goals-per-game.  I’m putting them here because they know how good it feels to win, and they know it can be done.  But they can’t wait till the last-minute again because no one gets that lucky twice.

So there you have it. Our 2013 season predictions.

Who do you think will go all the way?  Who is your dark horse pick?

Now, let’s drop the puck already!

Of the Staples Center”

The Los Angeles Kings will FINALLY get to raise their Stanley Cup banner tonight and WUYS West Coast Correspondent, Aaron is hella excited about it.

Check out his post below…

So here we stand, about to embark on a far too short, forty-eight game NHL season.

Man, it sucks to get short-shrifted on our hockey this year, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that raising a certain piece of synthetic fabric to the rafters of Staples Center wasn’t going to soften the blow.

On Saturday, January 19^th at 12 p.m. on the “best” coast (sorry Chuck & Pants), the Los Angeles Kings will raise their first “Stanley Cup Champions” banner in their forty-four year franchise’s history. Worth. Every. Agonizing. Moment.

I’ve seen it all as a Kings fan.

And having witnessed the good, bad, and the oh-so-very ugly of being a Kings fan over the last twenty-five years, it’ll all be worth it, watching that banner get raised, tears streaming down my face like a toddler with a skinned knee.

That’s okay though, I will sob proudly, because this isn’t a moment you get to experience very often.

It’s worth noting that the Kings organization chose not to mount the banner on the wall of the Staples Center, because, well, a certain NBA team was kind of hogging it.

So instead, the banner will be the first to actually hang from the rafters of Staples, which symbolizes more than a lack of real estate on the wall.

It symbolizes that Tim Lieweke and the Kings organization want to leave plenty of room for future banners. Lieweke and GM Dean Lombardi built this team from the ground up with the hope of not winning one Stanley Cup, but creating a dynasty.

Seems like a smooth transition into the Kings chances of repeating. Now, it’s no secret there hasn’t been a team to repeat as Stanley Cup champions for fifteen years [1998 Detroit Red Wings.] Bottom line, it’s hard as hell to repeat.

But, and at the risk of sounding like a total “homer,” I think the Kings are poised to be the first team break the fifteen year drought.

Everyone is quick to point out the infamous Stanley Cup hangover – where the team that won the Cup struggles the following season do to an exhausting schedule of parading the Cup around all summer all the while trying to recover from injuries sustained during the elongated playoff run.

Well, considering the Kings have had an extra few months to recuperate, it’s like they ordered Grey Goose instead of the well crap and will wake up on opening day with no headache or vomiting, ready for the puck to drop.

The Kings are also the first team in recent memory to bring back their entire Stanley Cup winning roster.

Lucky for the Kings, there were no aging veterans, no pending free agents looking to get overpaid, and no fat to trim.

Being able to maintain that same chemistry and not having to learn to gel with new teammates is huge advantage for a team looking to repeat as Cup champs.

I’m not calling my shot, just saying that the Kings have a better shot than teams in recent past.

Finally, as the various sports news outlets put out their preseason team rankings, TSN has the Kings ranked at number ten.

My initial feeling upon reading that was blasphemy.

After all, how could you possibly rank nine teams above the Stanley Cup winners?

After I stopped my combination of yelling and crying however, I realized that this is right where the Kings want to be.

Flying under the radar, no expectations, doing just well enough to hang around.

The Kings are basically the “According to Jim” of the regular season.

But without sucking.

Let’s do it again, boys.

GO KINGS GO!

written by Aaron Vaccaro, What’s Up Ya Sieve’s West Coast Correspondent

“… to do with my selection.” – Sir Mix-a-Lot, Baby Got Back

JEEZ.  I go away and hockey throws a party like the Project X kids and burns down the whole neighborhood!  First things first – this Cosmopolitan list of the Hottest NHL players.

Hahahahaha!  Watching Grey’s Anatomy does not make me a doctor, so let’s not assume one Google search qualifies Cosmo to select the best-looking player from each hockey team.  Some things are best left to those who’ve done their blogging homework.  (According to Cosmo, they asked people to vote.  WHAT PEOPLE?  Calling only Phil Kessel is not “people.”)

Consider your source.  They were busy with the Sex Diet and these hot shorts.

Let’s take a look at their picks:

Washington Capitals/Mike Green – Well they got one right, even if they chose a useless photo of MG52 in which neither hair nor smile were evident.  He’d still win for the Caps, but let’s make it a landslide.

LA Kings/Jeff Carter – He’s a Cosmo kind of guy, don’t ya think?  Between stories on “Crazy Hot Sex” and “I’m Marrying My Gay Best Friend,” he subscribes for sure.  Chuck would choose Dustin Penner, I’d pick Mike Richards (I guess) and Dawn loves Doughty.  Zero votes for Carts.

NY Rangers/Brian Boyle – The hottest guy on the Rangers is Henrik.  Followed, in order, by Henrik’s bow tie, Henrik’s skinny suit pants, anything shiny that reflects Henrik’s face, and then MDZ.  It’s a tough competition, Brian.

Buffalo Sabres/Patrick Kaleta – So many head-butting jokes missed  here.  Tragic kingdom.

Philadelphia Flyers/Scott Hartnell – SCOTT HARTNELL!  Over the infuriating, shit-eating grin perfection of Giroux?  Over my foolish crush on the Briere family (they have a Boston Terrier!) and that time Danny had to stand on a box to be interviewed?!  I’ll be upstairs jumping off the roof.

Ottawa Senators/Marc Methot – Remember what I said about being a doctor? Well being a blogger doesn’t mean I know every player on the Senators. I don’t know this guy. I only know he’s not Erik Karlsson.

Montreal Canadiens/Carey Price – If you’re going to make me say out loud that Carey Price is the best looking Hab, there better be some priest-to-sinner confessional confidentiality here.  Brand new Canadien Brandon Prust will fix this problem tout de suite.

Detroit Red Wings/Henrik Zetterberg – The Beard.  The Swede.  The fact he is our age!  Fine Cosmo, you can have this one too.

Toronto Maple Leafs/Phil Kessel – Imsorrywhat?  Somewhere Joffrey Lupul is shirtless, riding a horse down the beach to bring you a hot fudge sundae asking, “What the hell does a guy have to do around here?”

Columbus Blue Jackets/Jared Boll – In a world without Rick Nash, Jared Boll’s eyebrows are pretty impressive.  Still I’d rather have an old life-size cardboard cutout of Rick.

NY Islanders/John Tavares – YES.  For every seventh grader who ever had a crush on her cute Earth Science teacher.

Vancouver Canucks/Ryan Kesler – Cosmo would never miss an underwear photo shoot, so Ry had this vote locked up.  We can’t really argue with the abs.

Winnipeg Jets/Evander Kane – Sure, if you like guys who call you from Vegas on phones made of money.  We much prefer Zach Bogosian’s overwhelmingly camouflage wardrobe (especially when he’s not wearing it).

Carolina Hurricanes/Jordan Staal – DAGGER IN MY HEART, but it’s true!  Intern Jeff Skinner is never going to win this, poor kid.  He even tried growing his hair out. Wah waaaaaaaaah.  The Staals are like a cult, or an offensive line, or the strapping inhabitants of some island where I long to be shipwrecked.

Pittsburgh Penguins/Sidney Crosby – In other news, water is wet.  If you like glass-cutting cheekbones, model’s lips and a body like a MAC Truck, Crosby’s my your  guy.  There should be a runner-up category where Neal and Letang wrestle/compare tattoos for second place.

Minnesota Wild/Ryan Suter – Just because your contract equals Zach Parise’s doesn’t mean you are equally foxy.  No voting required.

San  Jose Sharks/Brent Burns – Sans beard, Brent is a close shave for Hottest Shark.  Too bad Joe Thornton is Chuck’s high school boyfriend.  When she said “Chuck + Joe 4EVA,” she meant it.

Boston Bruins/Tyler Seguin – Another Cosmo sure shot, a la Jeff Carter.  If they knew what they were doing, there’d be a cover story entitled, “How To Hookup and Not Get Listed as This.”

Anaheim Ducks/Bobby Ryan – Cosmo picked him because he played in Sandy relief charity games.  We pick him because he’s funny and Tweets pictures of his cat.  A deadly combination.

Chicago Blackhawks/Patrick Sharp – From one magazine title to another… both wrong.  He’s perfect, we get it.  But any list without Jonathan Toews is really no list at all.  Jon would ask for a do-over, since he didn’t hear the whistle.

Tampa Bay Lightning/Vincent Lecavalier – Maybe in 2003, the year Vinny and his girlfriend where featured in the SI Swimsuit Issue.  But it’s ten years later and Stamkos is the new sheriff in town.

Florida Panthers/Scottie Upshall – People love Kris Versteeg but I’m going with Upshall here.  Spontaneous rapping skills not required.  If the Panthers went with this color navy for their uniforms, people would notice Scottie more.

Nashville Predators/Mike Fisher – He’s so pretty.  Too pretty.  We prefer our guys a little rough around the edges; a little more tall, dark and “I can put this puck though a bank vault.  Stand aside, miss,” like Shea Weber.

Colorado Avalanche/Gabriel Landeskog – Cosmo chose him for his, ahem, “leadership.”  Well he certainly leads the NHL in shirtless selfies posted to Instagram.  (This category is open, should another NHL player like to apply.)  If one world were full of maple bacon donuts sitting on a pile of money, and another full of stale bread held by Gabe, we’d take the bread.  Then invent new ways to burn off those carbs.

St. Louis Blues/Patrik Berglund – This is a legit choice, if boring.  Chuck would have gone with Alex Pietrangelo.  I would have gone for TJ Oshie’s phone and gotten myself Toews’ number.

Calgary Flames/Dennis Wideman – NO NO NO!  You need go back like PA’s and wearing PJ’s to Jarome Iginla, a handsome and distinguished older gentleman.  Or be us and pick Alex Tanguay, my long-term committed hockey relationship.  My lobster.

Phoenix Coyotes/Mike Smith – If Lupul’s on a horse trying to outrun Cartman Kessel for the Leafs’ prize, how would you describe Biznasty’s campaign?  His life is the social media equivalent of a pole dancing class.  It’s dirty, but it works for him. (Sorry Shane Doan.)

NJ Devils/Adam Henrique – Ahhh yes.  The devil in disguise.  Thank God he shows up in photos.

Edmonton Oilers/JORDAN EBERLE – Ding ding ding! We have a winner.  Cosmo is #TeamEbs!  Perhaps they are not quite so lazy and poorly educated as I thought.  Plus, Hallsy keeps needing stitches to the head.

Dallas Stars/Jaromir Jagr – I had to read this twice.  First – JAGR?!  Second – Wait, the Stars?  Oh yeah, he plays there now.  I know we took their James Neal away, but what about Loui “Crazy Eyes” Eriksson? Brendan Morrow qualifies.  They even have Derek Roy now, so if there’s no height requirement to ride this coaster than we think Jagr ends up sitting alone.

By my book, Cosmo scored +/- 50% on this list.  That’s pretty poor considering the joys of window-shopping along this particular glass.  Don’t you have interns who spend all day trolling Tumblr?  You could’ve asked to borrow Jeff Skinner (if you cut his hair before you send him back).

The season hasn’t even begun and Cosmo’s already set the bar around the .500 level.  No wonder they picked Kessel!  We know that’s not good enough to get you into the playoffs.  Maybe next year they’ll bring their A game… or just leave the surgery to us doctors.

Note from Chuck:

Our list > Cosmo’s list.

Yeah, I said it. We are superior. We may not be the best or most prolific bloggers on the interwebs, but when it comes to stuff like this – don’t get it twisted.

We got it on LOCK!