What's Up, Ya Sieve

You knew it would happen.  No one can be this hilarious and adorable (and talented) without landing in the Foxy Friday history books.

Also, as a Pens fan, I know that life without Geno is a cold, sad place in which James Neal scores no goals.

I could (and might) look at pictures of Evengi Malkin all day long.  How does one guy have so many hilarious photos?

There is some room for debate here (more commonly know as The Michael Phelps Dilemma).  Is Geno hot or not?  Sometimes you get this:

And the next minute it’s this:

But mostly, I think of Geno as:

And definitely:

After all, Geno has a lot going for him. He led the NHL in points last season, which earned him the Art Ross Trophy.  He also won the Hart Trophy as NHL MVP and carried off the World’s Best Acceptance Speech title at the same time:

If you’re not squeeing, you are a robot.

Geno works hard:

Plays hard:

And brings his cute friends around all the time.  What more do you want?

Admit it, you’re jealous he’s not on your team.  Speaking of teams, in a world where Crosby fears to touch anyone (he’s a Confessor, a la The Sword of Truth series), Geno hugs EVERYTHING.

Heck, he’s even hugged Ovi.  All creatures great and small love Geno.

Don’t forget Geno’s sense of humor, because girls want a guy who can make them laugh (on Twitter).  Do parentheses mean something else in Russian?  He and Ovi both go crazy for them.  During the World Juniors:

Perhaps Geno’s greatest accomplishment is to be engaged in a bromance that actually makes me jealous.

No really, they are in love.  Geno was a huge part of Nealmobile’s 40 goal/81 point season, which must be why he thinks James is so lazy.

Watching them on the same line is so perfect, I’m like:

Moral of the story: When Evgeni Malkin says “I’m score,” he doesn’t just mean on the ice.  He means in life.  Awards shows:

Ugly sweater contests (and ugly t-shirts, ugly shorts – more photos):

Last man still dancing at a wedding:

And brightening the lives of children by identifying Russia on this globe.

He’s pretty perfect, right?

Totally.

So there you have it – Evgeni Malkin, Foxy Friday.  GIRLS LOVE.  You can argue with popularity… but you’d be wrong.

Geno is playing actual hockey right now in Russia, for Metallurg Magnitogorsk.  He had a goal and two assists yesterday.  SIGH.  Keep an eye on Twitter for live feeds of most of the games, and turn up the Russian to really make your boss wonder what is going on.

If you’re on wondering where that is, here’s part of the Google Maps directions from my house.  Very helpful.  (The earth is only 24,901 miles around, surely it would be shorter to go the other way?)

Chuck and I need a brain-cleansing after reading that disturbingly crazy stuff at Crossing Broad.  As per usual, Geno to the rescue!

What are your shorts?  What is your hat?  I can’t even come up with a name for the thing around your waist to ask what it might be.

The orange trucker hat really does it though.  Malkin is like that crazy aunt who wears wacky outfits and is always smiling, always bringing candy and making you wish you were a nicer, happier, more fun person.

I can never see Geno being Geno and not have my day improved dramatically.

Love, Geno & Sid

Geno Tweeted this picture.  I’m voting Geno for President at this point.

Oh Geno, freaking everyone out and sending the Pens PR staff into a tizzy…

I downloaded the NHL Player Tracker app [link] for my Blackberry, so these guys can keep me amused at all times.  Does anyone know of teams with apps?  I could only find the Blackhawks because they were in the Top 50.

The Penguins hosted a town hall-style meeting today for the season ticket holders and any woman under the age of dead.

Staal, Fleury, Letang, Malkin, Crosby

You can watch the highlight video [link] and bask in the combined happiness of these guys.  No one bothers to ask Geno why he’s wearing Ovi’s jeans.  Watch Sid take the ice… we see you looking.

Flower’s all self-deprecating and Kris defends his hot workout video after Sid calls it fake.  If that’s the magic of Hollywood, count us in.

Sid wanted to be a firefighter when he was younger.  We’d be burning down the office every week.  And this – better than Christmas:

Classy Dan also spoke to the crowd [link] and so did GM Shero [link].  This was after Sid participated in a controlled scrimmage at practice today [link], and looked pretty damned happy about it [link].  I swear he drinks a gallon of milk a day.  Just looking at him makes me want to take vitamins.

You may recall that Jordan was mad about my Hawks-centric post before their game the other night.  He shut me up with two goals on the way to a 4-1 win.  Well he heard about the Caps Convention yesterday and put me in my place again with this shirt.  We’re buying him one for every day of the week.

Sometimes I talk to myself in Geno-speak.  It only lasts a few minutes because I’m cracking up.

Yesterday, after a charity hockey game in Russia, Geno did this:Since we don’t have a picture of it, we’ll settle for only-slightly-less adorable pictures of him – this time with animals.

Geno with Sid and Duper.

FREE HUGS!

Is this even real?

I have a special dance lined up for the moment Geno takes the ice this season.  It’s a little bit like the Elaine from Seinfeld, which is how I picture Malkin dancing, mixed with some Time Warp.  If Sid’s there I will throw in a kick circle.  Just you wait.

Where does Evgeni Malkin shop?  Seriously.  Because I want to go to there.

There’s nothing like a built-in white shirt underneath your other shirt, especially if it’s a scoop neck.

Geno is the most endearing person in the whole world.  If he were a puppy, he would have to be multiple puppies to handle all the hugging.  And all the t-shirts I would buy.

Special Thanks to WUYS fan, Rae (@raedanda) for the heads up about this great photos from www.hotice.ru of Evgeni “Bunny” Malkin rehabbing in Mother Russia.

The scar looks pretty gnarly, but glad to see that Geno is getting in shape for the season.

99% of the time, I think he looks like a villian from a James Bond movie but dare I say, he looks pretty good in these photos.  Handsome, even.

Wow, never thought I’d actually say that…

Anyway…

Now that Geno’s back training, what about Pants’ future baby daddy, Sidney?  Could he be far behind??