What's Up, Ya Sieve

If there’s one thing I like more than hockey, it’s food.  Last night the Capitals Fan Appreciation Night had free hockey AND free food.

So of course we were in the front row.

Rockin’ the Red with Rae and Pam

For this…

BAM!  No beard.  Hallelujah and also merci.  I’ll give you the hair, Greener, if you save the beard for the playoffs.

BTdubs, these were not taken with a zoom.  Where’s Harry Potter when you need him to “accidentally” make some glass disappear?

Then we could have taken care of this Caps second biggest grooming issue:

“You don’t like my flow?”

Other highlights included Nicky getting pissed because you said he looked like a woman in his roster photo:

But he had the fair Swedish curls going, so you took it all back.

Meet our new favorite Capital, Joey Crabb.  It’s a little unfair how much comic relief this team has.

Ovi told Elliot that his all-time favorite NHL player is Dale Hunter.  Oooh, burn.

Don’t get all funny and witty now, Alex.  I still don’t like you.

It was nice to see the familiar face of Tom Poti, BU alum and Caps defenseman who hasn’t played in two calendar years due to various injuries.  He may be in the lineup for Saturday’s season opener.

Neuvy and Holtby, our illustrious goaltending duo (Rae loves goalies):

At the end of the practice a few players answered fan questions.  Someone asked Matt Hendricks for his favorite Gangnam Style dance move – but Fehr claimed he didn’t know it.  IMPOSSIBLE, I say.

Luckily Troy Brouwer bailed him out:

We died.  The crowd died.  Completely overloaded with traffic, Twitter briefly changed it’s “overloaded” screen to a picture to that lasso move instead of the birds lifting a whale. Here’s the video.  TB20 really went for it, loved it long time, and will now be invited to every wedding in DC this year.

Here’s our view, complete with Rae and I screaming:

What do you think, Mike?

Amen, buddy.  Overall, a great night.  I couldn’t be more excited for hockey.

A funny thing happened at the Seahawks game last night. Yes, I said Seahawks, as in football.

Why would I be at  football game? Free tickets. Other than that? THIS!

But first, I did not know it was mascot night until there he was, in all his fin-tabulous glory, floundering away on the jumbotron.

Of course, I hotfooted it down to where he was, as any good hockey fan at a football game would.

And just as Mr. Cherrie was about to take the photo, a football shot through the frame …

Fin was there for half-time hijinks! If I wanted to spend the night in jail, I would have run down on the field, tackled him and dry-humped him silly! I can only say the lack of hockey made me go completely insane for anything hockey related. 

Luckily, there was security and I was only allowed to get to this close to him.

Who would have thought I would have had a hockey experience at a Seahawks game! Ya just never know!

And THAT is your moment of zen …

So I’ve scoured the internet and there is like a BLIP one DD’s day with destiny. If it were, er, um, other hockey players day with Lord Stanley’s cup we’d get a minute by minute count down on what he did while out saving babies and evidently puppies.

So I’ve decided to give the only real account of Drew’s day with the cup and it went as follows because I was there – TRUE STORY – to blog ‘boot it.

First he took me on a romantic tracker drive, just us and the cup after we picked it from the local airport. Love the rolled up jeans and tennies. Totes dreamy!

 Then we took in a showing of an interpretive dance, “How Oxmusk bay in mid-day in yonder meadow”. It was fabulous but honestly, I spent most of the time glaring at the cup because it was starting to seriously come between Drew and I. I mean really! Who does that whore think she is? I… I .. ah. Oh. Yeah. It’s THE CUP.

Well, I did get jealous because bitch pulled this move at dinner and the gloves came off!

 So my drunk ugly crying face came out like the girls on Bachelor pad because a girl just can’t complete between THE CUP and Stanley Cup winning hockey players attention on his big day. So I wished Drew the best and left him with his shiny toy.

BEST. DAY. EVER! F-YEAH!

GO KINGS! And congrats again on your Stanley Cup winning, record-breaking season! Loved ya in Vancouver!

<3  Dawn~

How have we never not done him? Well, I mean a Foxy Friday at least? Cause I’ve .. well. Anywho.

My pretty pony …

What? These guns? I’m a peaceful man … but DO. NOT. CROSS. ME.

Ovi has a crush on him too – and who wouldn’t? I think pretty  much all hockey players would put Kris at the top of all their lists.

Excuse me guys, can I just squeeze in between you two for my dream sandwich?

I could pick his skate-gate out a 100 hockey player’s because it’s about as beautiful as his hair!

Watching him skate backwards SHOULD BE AN OLYMPIC SPORT – just sayin’ – it’s already an ALL-STAR GAME spectacle

I love summer because the thought of Kris being shirtless somewhere hot, keeps me going until I can see him on the ice come fall!

This is SOOOOOOO last summer Kris. Come on …. cut us girls a break.

Lay your hands on me, lay your hands on me … ok – Bon Jovi, I am not.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

If any of you have watched NBC’s Post Game wrap-up, then you know Other-Brother-Darryl needs to take that sh*t on the road! Because having handled talent and sat through countless hours of interviews and seen press chewed up and spat out by the best, Other-Brother-Darryl ranks right up there only he is god damn funny about it.

Saturday night Drew Doughty went from an over-priced, cry-baby, cheese-burger eating hold out to a Rocket Man shooting lazers out his ass and smacking Devils like he was at a carnival and Brown was taunting him with a donut for each one he could take out!

Clearly Drew is VERY motivated! That’s my boyfriend!

The Kings now have the NHL record of 10 road wins in the post-season. But they don’t do well at home. So tonight Magic Cat is wishing you the best of luck boys!

A little something extra between the paws!

My cats have banned me from the TV. Osiris Jones actually mews at anyone who swears. True Story. And there was a ton of it tonight. I swear like a sailor and many of Mr. Cherrie’s friends think I learned it from him but actually, I taught him pretty much everything he knows. My grandfather worked on the railroad in the Great Depression.

Winner, Winner, Pancake Dinner!

I only wish I had this much time on my hands ….

The win didn’t come without controversy when Brown took out Rozsival with a devastating hit and a penalty wasn’t called because the Coyotes were off-sides. Just after Rozsival was taken off the ice, LA scored and the hand shake line was less than cordial with the classy Coyotes fan throwing crap on to the ice.

Pancake’s interview after the game was self-deprecating referring to Quick as Mr. Vezina-Smyth. He also said that he was going to enjoy this trip to the Stanley Cup more than the last.

Stat Girl has a few things to tease your brain with:

LA KINGS are the first 8th seed EVER to dispatch the 1st, 2nd and 3rd seed teams.

LA KINGS have broken the NHL record with 8 straight road wins in a play-off season.

LA KING have broken the NHL record with 10 straight road wins in consecutive seasons.

So a BIG WUYS congratulation LA KINGS! Here’s to your second trip ever to the Stanley Cup Finals.

As Cartman loves to say: “GO KINGS GO!”

We’re trying to keep Foxy Fridays to players still in the playoffs, since summer is long and cruel.  The pickings are getting a little slim.  But imagine if, say, the Wild had made it this far?  Blank pages, people.

Chuck is busy at her real job today (borrrrring!), so I’m honoring her turn by choosing a player she and Dawn both like.  Me?  I’ll decide by the end of this post.  A rather indelicate but obvious choice: Jeff Carter.

Only kidding.

No, really.

A Jeff Carter post takes time because I can’t stop laughing.  Not at his hockey skill, showcased from time to time, but because life is so gloriously full of bad decision yet to be made.  For Carter,  you want to make those bad decisions and wake up in the bottom of a rowboat during Spring Break, painted blue and holding a twenty dollar bill (really happened to someone I know, now starting a rumor that Carter was involved).

These are my Hollywood jeans.

Carts is 27, born on New Year’s Day in 1985.  He played six seasons with the Flyers before being rather spectacularly dumped by Post-It Note (okay, not quite) after the ’10-’11 season.  Stories and photos of his extra-curricular activities were the all-but-confirmed reason he and life-partner Mike Richards were sent packing. (Holy hyphens.)

Google the pictures. Carter should do a public service announcement called “Don’t Let Your Boss See This on Facebook.”

Wait.  The stripper pole in your place, or the one in mine?

Foxy Friday Flashback: Mike Richards

Carter landed with the Blue Jackets like a bug “lands” on your windshield at high speed.  That lasted until February when he was sent to the LA Kings casting couch to be reunited with Richie.  If hockey were more popular, this would have been show on Bravo.

Which member of this bromance married up?

Jeff, who has one 40-goal and two 30-goal seasons, didn’t exactly blast onto the ice in LA, with 6 goals in 16 games.  But remember when the Kings were LAST in the NHL in offense this season?  Things have certainly changed for them, and maybe for Carts.  His hat-trick on Tuesday night was pretty sexy.

This is my grown-up face.

The thing with Carts is he makes $6+ million/year and has 10 years (!!!) left on his contract.  He’s been called overpaid more times that he’s been called a sloppy drunk.  The only way to battle that is to settle back into his 2008-2011 groove…  after the Kings win the whole thing this year (Chuck and Dawn applaud) and we’re all invited to the party.

On our next episode: “Guys! We’re going streaking!”

How do I feel after all this?  Eh.  While Carts is chasing the Cup and working on his impressive beard, you can enjoy him.  I’ll look at this picture and think 1) Danny Briere might as well be wearing a snowsuit and 2) I still like him better.

Except for this – this is fantastic.  And only on Canadian Sportscentre.

um .. did I say Ugly? nah .. I’d take a ride into the boards with these guys ANY DAY!

LA’s Dennis the Menace

It wasn’t either team’s best game but the Kings still came out on top. Which begs the question: Come Saturday – will the Coyotes bring it or will they be swept and wept?

Kopi’s not ready for summer yet!

The Kings devastated the Coyotes last night in more ways than one. The Coyotes bit back and not in a nice way. I was going to take the high road in this post and talk about how adorable Antoine Vermette was in his pre-game interview but then the Coyotes took a page from the Penguin’s book of Poor Sports and all this happened:

Shane Doan takes Trevor Lewis’ face for a wipe board. OK-  he did turn but a delayed penalty had already been called for slashing on BROWN so all Doan needed to do was reach for the puck – not take Lewis’ face for a ride. He got thrown out which was appropriate – IN MY OPINION.

Mike Smith slashes Dustin Brown in the back of the knees. They get MATCHING penalties because the ref thinks Brown is embellishing – HELLO! Anyone who gets the craps smacked out of the back of their knees with a goalie stick by a 6’3” MONSTER isn’t embellishing ANYTHING.

As one commentator said, “If that was acting, it’s some of the best to come out of Hollywood in years!”

Then Hanzal decides ride Brown into the boards like a whore on Saturday night. Fellas, I get it, you’re frustrated. You got your asses handed to you by an 8^th seed team for a second night. But this is UNACCEPTABLE.

Then – my favorite of the night – Dustin “Pancakes” Penner decides enough is enough and when a scrum breaks out to quell it, he just sits on Antoine Vermette. Awesomesauce. Nothing says shut your face like a 6’ 4” manbeast sitting on your lame ass.

Oh did I mention that Jeff Carter, man of the hour, got a natural hat trick? The first one for the Kings in the play-offs since  – oh – Wayne Gretzky in 1993? Yeah … that happen too last night!

HAPPY SUTTER/ANGRY SUTTER

OH WHAT A NIGHT! Feel good about that one guys. Mad respect for your play. But I knew that –

Dawn – you are so funny. Calling me to wish me good luck tonight!

This is what you want from your captain – A COMPLETE BEAST!

The press conference after game one went pretty much like this:

Kopitar NEVER gives up on a puck – NEVER

Tippett: I didn’t give a F**K about Kopitar. I have to worry about my players and how they perform.

Press person: So when Brown did blah blah blah …

Tippett: I don’t give a F**K about Brown. I have to worry about my players and how they perform.

Press Person: So when they scored again in the second period …

Tippett: Maybe you didn’t hear me the second time, I have to don’t give a F**K about the LA KINGS right now, I have to worry about my players and the fact that they didn’t perform tonight. Any more questions? Alright. Thanks.

GO KINGS! KEEP BEING UNDER-RATED  – RIGHT UP UNTIL YOU WIN THE CUP!

MY BOYS! BREAKING BAD!