What's Up, Ya Sieve

Last time we put Foxy Friday up for popular vote, Sam Gagner stuffed the ballot box from ten Twitter accounts.  Or maybe you guys get jealous that we’re all #TeamEbs when we could be sharing the love.

The Oilers beat the Blue Jackets 6-4 last night.  Sam had 1 G/2A and his 250th NHL point, so it’s his turn today.

Remember that time Sam had an 8 point game?

And a shootout goal like this?

Sam is 23.  That’s like old man on the mountain in Edmonton, if Edmonton had mountains.  He has 90 G/161 A in six seasons with the Oilers.

Before that, Sam grew up 5 minutes from John Tavares and played junior hockey with Patrick Kane.  Why didn’t we live near places like this?  Baby Sam!  What is your tie?  And your hair is so almost-Eberle… stop it right now.

While hockey stats are about running numbers up, Sam is also adept at keeping things under 140 and still making you fall in love with him.

Especially photos:

That’s why we don’t live in Edmonton, right Sam?

But we could be persuaded to visit, say in November.

If that doesn’t work, he sure loves to pour water on himself for a less subtle approach.

As of today, Edmonton is tied for 11th in the West.  My prediction for them the make the playoffs has been duly noted.  I wish they played before my bedtime but I’m doing my best to watch more Western Conference hockey this season.

Rumors abound that the Oilers may trade Sam before he becomes an RFA at the end of the year [link].  He’s playing well enough to earn a big contract, but they’ve tied up tons of money locking in Ebs and Hall, with Nuge and Yakupov coming due before long.

Jeeeez, look at the Oilers’ roster – that’s a lot of expiring deals [link].

Sam’s true home is in The Hobbit alongside Danny Briere.  It’s the ears!!  They can replace the disconcertingly attractive dwarf as even more disconcertingly attractive guys in the 5’10″ – 5’11″ range.  Also, Sam has Bieber on his iPod.  Cue me, singing the Canadian National Anthem and marching around my office.

And just because I can… photos from The Land That Time Forgot.  Seven year old Sam Gagner meeting Jarome Iginla:

There you have it, #TeamGagner shippers.  Happy Friday to you all.

As desperately as we might have tried, we cannot ignore Chris Higgins.

I mean, he’s a Canuck, for pete’s sake.  AND a Montreal Canadien. These alone make our skin crawl.  It fills us with the fire of a thousands suns.  It makes us rage like a Desperate Housewife who has drank up all her chardonnay and has no alimony money left to buy more.

But for today (and only today) do we put aside our blinding hatred and name Chris Higgins from the Vancouver Canucks this week’s Foxy Friday.

Chris Higgins is 100% Foxy.  Here’s how we break it down.

85% – Abs.  Those glorious, perfect, mantacular abs.

 We feel like Emma Stone in “Crazy, Stupid Love” when she sees Ryan Gosling with his shirt off.

8% – Beard.

7% – Smile and overall adorableness.

Obviously, he has some hockey skills too, but we wouldn’t know.

We’re too distracted.

This Foxy Friday is presented by democracy.

First I asked Twitter to nominate candidates.  Then I picked a guy who only got one vote and declared him the winner anyway, because he’s from my home state and he plays for my team.  Is it Nepotism? No.  It’s America.

Brandon Sutter had a good week.  He got some goals, some hugs, some wins.  He even got confused for his dad, which if you’re a Sutter is a big deal.

As you know, he is also not Jordan Staal.  The subject of much weeping into a bag of Fritos during the lockout has become instead one of joy for Penguins fans.

Pick us up, swing us around.

Sutts played the last four seasons with the Hurricanes – including three stints with my hometown AHL Albany River Rats.  Brandon, you’re already Foxy Friday, you can stop with the flattering me. (Don’t stop.)

He was traded to Pittsburgh during JStaal’s wedding like a cake with someone inside, waiting to jump out.

So far he has 8 G/5A in 23 games this year.  He’s playing primarily third line center, though with Malkin out everyone is everywhere for the Pens.  It doesn’t matter.  When Brandon ends up alongside Neal, all James has to do is flinch while Sutter buries it:

When he’s on the ice with Crosby, he might not even pass.  He might just win the game himself.

How’s that feel, eh?

What else? Brandon is 24 and was born in NY (though he is Canadian) on Valentine’s Day, no less.  He’s tall and honestly too skinny, I worry about him getting broken out there.

According to the Tumblr rumor mill, Brandon is also recently engaged. It’s no wonder when you read that he keeps his apartment neat [link] and, well…

This trade has been a win for the Penguins, who’ve been winning a lot of games lately.  Sutter looks pretty happy about it too.  Here he is answering Twitter questions from Pens fans:

The Pens play the Rangers tomorrow afternoon, the rematch against Chuck’s Bruins on Sunday.  Sutter’s 2-goal comeback game will not be forgotten by the Bs.  They host the Caps tomorrow.. wait, why am I not in Boston this weekend? How dare Chuck be away on a weekend like this?

I guess it’s better, we don’t want to fight. GO PENS!

Side note: 200 people (okay, 5) voted #TeamGagner because apparently we don’t do enough for the Oilers around here.  Duly noted, ladies, duly noted.  Sam will get his day.  A few other guys got multiple votes and I’ve filed them all away.

Everyone says do-overs don’t count, but that’s only when you’re calling your ex-boyfriend for a date to the wedding of a girl you hate.

Here at #TeamEbs Campaign Headquarters, it’s Friday and this is Foxy, so enjoy our new recruiting video.

Don’t be shy, just bask in it.

This is the same gym Mike Green trains in the off-season.  Do the maids know they’ve cornered the market on second-hand sweaty towels?

Does Alberta have eBay?

We’ve re-named this video:

Jordan Eberle Demonstrates the Emotional Range of a Girl Watching this Video 

…and called in a doctor to identify what you’re feeling.

1) Seeing that it’s 16 minutes long results in complete preemptive shut down of all systems, to avoid permanent damage.

“I poked one, it was dead.” – Flight of the Conchords

2) You may struggle to stand up straight.

One of his arms is shorter, but that side of his shorts is longer. Even-Stevens.

3) As you try to pull yourself out of it, you feel unusually heavy.

What is with guys from this gym and nude-colored belts, Mike Green?

4) An increased pressure on your chest may indicate a heart attack.

#TeamEbs Recruiting Poster – Rough Draft

Any questions so far?  “Wait, Doc.  What are you saying?”

5) Symptoms include labored breathing, possible sweats.

Kick from the Official Spice Girls Workout on AOL

6) Hysterical giggling at inappropriate time.

He’s thinking about the Taylor Swift-sung-by-a-goat video.

7) The Earth moving under your feet.

8) And the eventual loss of previously noted ability to stay upright by oneself, resulting in the need for professional help.

Diagnosis: The rest of your day is going to be a struggle.

Signed: Oh shoot.  We knew there was something wrong with that doctor.

Treatment: Your move, #TeamHall.  Or #TeamSchultz, #TeamCorey and if anyone wants, #TeamRNH and #TeamGagne are available.

Mullets.  Eyebrows.  Fights.

Three things we love and post about probably more often than is normal.  But we can’t help it.

And when you have all three AT THE SAME TIME – well, we’re just smitten.  We must honor you with our most prestigious award.

This week’s Foxy Friday is Adam McQuaid of the Boston Bruins

This 6’5″ defencemen from Prince Edward Island might not be known to many outside of Boston but we’re out to change all that.

He’s so adorably Canadian, using words like “o-fence” and “eh”.  With eyebrows like his and a full mane of luxurious hair, all the world shall know the name “McQuaid.”

McQuaid is perhaps most famous for his hair, a riotous accumulation of dark curls like no other. It just won’t quit.

Seriously, it’s amazing.  I’m obsessed with it.

And apparently so is Adam.

Even in mullet form, his coif is pretty spectacular, while at the same time delightfully hilarious.

It takes a very special, confident man to wear this hair.  His hair alone is worthy of this Foxy Friday honor.

 In addition to the hair, he has also got some sweet eyebrows.  Look out, Zach Bogosian and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins Molly Ringwald.  You’ve been put on notice.

McQuaid is a classic defencemen – big, physical, and not afraid to mix it up when needed.  Like when he beat down Raffi Torres.

And Inigo Montoya.

Or this Canuck.

Now one must keep in top physical form in order to beat opposing players to a pulp.  Also, when Zdeno Chara freak of nature is your team mate, you best be hitting that gym wicked hahd. (God Bless the interweb and tumblr)

Squats.

Crazy legs.

Arms.

Walking.

Running.

Only adding to his legend is his nickname – Darth Quaider.  It might be one of the best EVER.  For Star Wars nerds like us, this is just beyond perfect!

from daysofyorr.com

If you’re ever find yourself lost in the woods with only a bag full of hockey sticks, some inner tubes, and a plank of wood, he’s a good friend to have.  You might even survive.

Besides all of these things, he’s just really freaking adorable.

Hope you enjoyed this week’s Foxy Friday, Mr. Adam McQuaid.  I know we certainly have.

“Oh what’s that you say?  You want to take me out on a date?”

Well, if you insist.

It appears to be Friday again, or as it’s becoming known around this office: “Underage Boyfriend Day.”

Foxy Friday: Erik Gudbranson

My, how big your hands are…

Erik is a 21-year old defenseman for the Floria Panthers. (I accidentally typed 12-year old defenseman.  My brain loves Damn You, Autocorrect!)

I think he should also be their mascot, because tickets to Saturday’s game vs. Tampa Bay are $11 on StubHub.  That’s $11 to see this:

Though he’ll probably wear a shirt.  Is there a $15 ticket package where he doesn’t?  I will mail you $5 – you can tuck the last dollar into his hockey shorts.

If you were going to choose a place to professionally play your favorite sport, you could do worse than Florida.  Yesterday I had to scrape the ice off my car door with a credit card just to get to the ice scraper inside.

Erik doesn’t have that problem.  He probably drives a Jeep with no doors on it while wearing flip flops and a really tan left arm.

Erik made his sophomore season debut with the Panthers just last week.  He missed the first 9 games of the year recovering from a September wakeboarding crash, which he admitted to his team.

Since the injury was non-hockey related, he was suspended – and thus unpaid – for the duration of the lockout.  His honesty about the event seems to have gone a long way with his teammates and the press [link].

Honest, charming… go ahead and sigh.

Does that make you want to give him a hug?

Now Erik is back in the lineup and earning his way to full ice time [link].  Last season he had 2G/6A in 72 games.

Gudbranson was selected 3rd overall in the 2010 NHL Entry Draft.  I couldn’t see him over the screaming for Taylor Hall (#1) and Tyler Seguin (#2), so it’s taken me a while to get to Erik.  Still not sure how this escaped my attention.

.gif by stu-bickel.tumblr.com

He was the 2010 OHL Scholastic Player of the Year, for the athlete who “best combines high standards of play and academic excellence.” [link]  If they had an award for holding babies, he’d have won that too.

Erik does a lot of charity work for cancer fundraising – even shaving his head to benefit St. Baldrick’s in February 2012 [video].  His youngest brother Dennis is a leukemia survivor.

The start:

The finish:

That’s pretty foxy… or literally Fox-y.  Fox-esque?

Honestly, what are the chances you’re still reading the words on this page?

Here’s Erik talking junior hockey.  Enjoy it while you plan the rest of your life around the Panthers schedule and following Erik on Twitter – @Guddy44.

PS: A while back, someone suggested Erik for Foxy Friday.  I had *just* seen him in the Gongshow catalog the day before.  Thanks to whoever that was for reminding me!

This week, we honor Viktor Fasth, goaltender for the Anaheim Ducks.

Fasth has burst onto the NHL scene in this shortened as the back-up to Jonas Hiller in Anaheim.  Initially, Fasth wasn’t expected to play much but instead has dominated in a most unexpected way.

The Ducks are on a winning streak and the rookie goaltender is 4-0 as a starter.   This week, he got his first NHL shut-out with a 3-0 blanking of the Colorado Avalanche.

Fasth leads the league with an infinitesimal GAA and impressive save percentage.  In fact, he’s allowed only 4 goals this season and the Ducks are currently 1st in the Pacific Division and off to their best start since they won the Stanley Cup in 2007.  This upsets my cousin Tom and WUYS Contributor, Aaron very much. (They are both Kings fans).

Coach Bruce Boudreau has a problem that every NHL coach would kill to have – two great goaltenders, playing well, and winning games.

No doubt that Fasth is a goalie to watch this season, but there are a few other reasons why he is deserving of this honor

• His name is seriously cool – Erik Sixten Viktor Fasth.  This is not the name of a hockey player. This is the name of a Swedish prince.  Also, his last name amuses us.  No lack of “Fasth and the Furious” puns here.  (Side note: Pants is WICKED excited about the new Fast & Furious movie. Like seriously. She loves her some Paul Walker for eva and eva.
• He was born in 1982, which makes him 30 years old. Age-appropriate, ya’ll.
• He has perfected his “Hey Gurl” face.

• He must protect his house. Always.

• 

  

  The hair.  The hair alone is worth the honor.  He seems to have been diligently studying Mike Green and James Neal post game video clips (and this blog) in an effort to achieve that perfect “undone, yet perfectly done” look that we so admire.  Mission Accomplished.

•  Again, the hair.  And also the suit.  And the face. What is it with these Swedish people?  Sweden is like an alternate universe were all citizens have been genetically engineered to have perfect hair and have impeccable style.

Well there you have it – Sweden wins again.

We love this beautiful country.

Not only for its affordable, yet slightly infuriating to assemble furniture, but more so for their ability to produce countless Foxy Fridays.

Keep ‘em coming, Sweden.

We are only two weeks into the hockey season and I’m already exhausted.  I’ve also made at least two jokes about not knowing the Ottawa Senators.  Both true.

So this week, we bring you learning.

Foxy Friday: Peter Regin

Peter is a 26-year old center from Herning, Denmark.  He’s got an old-school Zack Morris thing going on, minus the teal varsity jacket (nobody’s perfect).

This is Peter’s fourth full season with the Senators.  He had 13 goals in ’09-’10, then a disappointing 3 goal campaign in ’10-’11 cut short by a season-ending shoulder dislocation in February 2011.  The injury, corrected twice by surgery, sidelined him for all but 10 games last season.

During the lockout, he earned 5 points in just 4 games with Switzerland’s SC Langenthal.  Now, he’s back in the Ottawa lineup and hopefully healthy, because he’s got big skates to fill.

Originally destined for the Seantors’ third or fourth line [HockeyBuzz.com], the recent injury to center (and everyone’s boyfriend ever, says Jess) Jason Spezza creates an interesting space for Regin.

He’s already spent time filling Spezza’s spot on the Senators top-line.

Peter doesn’t have any points yet this season, but his 12 shots on goal show some promise.  Spezza will be out two months for surgery to a herniated disk in his back [Puck Daddy].  This scary forecast for the Senators is Regin’s chance to step up his game.

Read The Ottawa Sun and Ottawa Citizen‘s thoughts on Regin’s 2013 season, written prior to Spezza’s injury.  Then quadruple the expectations, pressure and need, and tune in when the Senators face the Hurricanes tonight.

Here’s Regin with Cosmo’s “Hottest Senator” Marc Methot.  We think he gives both Marc and our pick Erik Karlsson a run for their money.

Things I never said before the lockout:

“I was watching the Sabres game last night….”

But it was on the other day and I was enjoying some Upstate NY (represent!) vs. Toronto rivalry.  Didn’t take me long to tell the otherwise empty room we’d found our next Foxy Friday: Marcus Foligno.

I’d like to officially announce a recount of my vote for Hottest NHL Player: Sabres.  Kaleta’s out, Foligno’s in.

If Cosmo can make so many mistakes, surely I can have one.

Marcus is a 21-year old forward playing in (hopefully) his first full season with the Sabres.  He tallied 14 NHL games last season and spent the rest of his time playing for the AHL’s Rochester Americans.  His dad Mike played for the Sabres and Marcus was even born in Buffalo!  All this Upstate NY love.  His brother Nick currently plays for Columbus.

While the NHL was having a lockout, the Amerks were getting all their players to do the Gangnam Style dance.  Sorry Troy Brouwer, you were game but Foligno’s freestyle wave takes the cake:

What’s that? You want to see it again?

Top quality.

Marcus is also a fighter… at least against Toronto.  Last year in his first NHL fight, he beat up Matt Frattin (97.4% win on HockeyFights.com) and this week he took Mark Fraser for an 80.6% win.

Foligno had 10 goals in the first half of the Americans season, looking to outpace his 16 goal total from last season.  We don’t think he’ll complain about not getting to finish the year in Rochester.

He had 6 goals in 14 games with Buffalo last year.  So far none this season, but his 4 shots in the Sabres loss yesterday to Carolina predict that drought won’t last long.  Chances generated by the Foligno-Ennis-Stafford line have been “encouraging” news for Sabres fans [link], despite a lack of secondary scoring in this young season.

According to Twitter, The Source of All Verifiable News, Marcus liked Silver Linings Playbook and watches USA Network’s Suits.  Am I the only person NOT watching Suits? I see more Tweets about that show than about Manti T’eo.

Follow him at @marcusfoligno.

The Sabres are in DC for a game this Sunday.  I wasn’t going to go – the Caps are too painful – but I might have just changed my own mind.

Note: This post is dedicated to our resident Sabres fan, @Tephywashere.

It’s been all Tampa Bay up in here this week so I thought of no better way to round out the week that with a Tampa Bay Lightning Foxy Friday!

This week’s honoree -

Ryan Malone

Here are the stats on Mr. Malone -

• Born in Pittsburgh on December 1, 1979.  Not only is he perfectly age-appropriate for Pants and I, we’re also pretty sure he loves maple bacon donuts. (BONUS!)
• a strapping 6’4″ and 219 lbs. This is not a boy. This is a MAN.
• 1st Pittsburgh area native to play for the Pens
• He wears #12 in honor of his dad, Greg, who also played in the NHL
• Career stats: 560 games played. 347 points (168 G, 179 A). A -45 +/- rating (way harsh, man). 600 minutes of shame. 24 game winning goals.

Now onto the real (and way more fun) Foxy Friday stats…

1. Ryan is affectionately know as “Busgy”.  As in Bugsy Malone. You know, that classic gangster movie acted out entirely by children and starring Scott Baio and Jodie Foster.  (Yes, this is a real movie. No, I’m not joking. Watch the entire film here)

2. He’s got this sort of Hey-Dude-Brah-Matthew-McConaughey thing going on and it is pretty damn endearing.  All that missing is a surf board and photos of him shirtless on the beach in Malibu.  Bongo playing optional.

JK Livin’, man.

3. That “Yo-Adrian-Rocky-Balboa  smile.

4. I like a man whose not afraid to show us how much he loves us.

5. He’s got sweet dance moves. Watch out, Justin Timberlake.

I’m bringing sexy back. Yeah!

6. He’s got famous Foxy Friday friends.

Geno: “This is how we say I love you in Russia.”

anything more presh than Stamkos’ face? I think not.

7. The tattoos.  Pants doesn’t like ‘em, but I love them.  They’re pretty and colorful and completely distracting.

8. Although he is supporting the Evil Empire, I’m going to cut him some slack.  But ONLY because he has excellent flow and keeps excellent company. #longhairdontcare

9. Watch out, James Neal, Claude Giroux, & Don Cherry. Ryan is giving you a run for your money. #plaidsuit

10. He’s got a GGB – a GLORIOUS  ginger beard. Fingers crossed that the Lightning go far in the playoffs so we can see it in all its wonder.

11. Sometimes, he rocks a mustache.  And I don’t hate it.  Not even one little bit.  He actually sort of works on him.

So there you have it, folks – Ryan Malone, this week’s Foxy Friday. Another worth addition to the Foxy Friday Fraternity.

He’s fuzzy.

He’s tatted up.

He looks like he’d be a whole lot of fun at your pool party.

And he’ll make you fall in love in with him.

Hey Gurl….