When we hire interns, we expect them to work. When I drive all the way to Raleigh for the Bolts vs. Canes game on Saturday, 2/23, I expect Intern Jeff Skinner to play.
Jeff is out of the Canes lineup with an undisclosed “upper body injury.” Don’t look at us like we made him lift too many heavy things. He works for tips, okay?
But seriously, this big hit sent Skins headfirst into the boards last week vs. Toronto. He finished the game and practiced the next day, but did not practice Sunday. [link] Last season he missed 16 games with a concussion, so everybody hope this is a minor thing and not a time machine.
Just look at him!
The frown when he drops it… I’ve been laughing for a week.
Jeff has 7 goals on the season, which (he keeps reminding me) currently ties him with Crosby and Toews. Well let’s have Bring A Guy Who Also Has 7 Goals to Work Day, shall we?
If Jeff can’t play Saturday, he can at least come tailgating with @Section328 (but not drink) and sing us an Ed Sheeran song. This ‘upper body’ injury is not to his hands. Then he couldn’t play cornhole either and I’ve seen the Canes commercials: cornhole is the best part of tailgating. (Except that it’s called ‘cornhole’ which makes me really uncomfortable and now I’ve said it fifty times.)
Even without Intern Jeff Skinner I still get t0 see JStaaaaaaaaal for the first time in aaaaaaaaaages.
But I was really hoping to witness one of these as well:
Yes, the game is vs. Tampa Bay so of course Stamkos will also be there. There are few days in my life when having Steven in the building is not an ideal situation. Carolina currently leads the Southeast Division with 17 points, while Tampa Bay has 15. Saturday will be a big game for both teams – BOTH TEAMS I LIKE. Why do I let this keep happening? I might wear my Bolts shirt for the car ride, but I’m rooting for the Canes this time. My life is so hard.
The lockout is making people CRAZY. First Toews is using a baseball bat for hockey and Giroux, a golf club. Crosby’s wandering free in civilian clothes, striking fear into the heart of pockets everywhere (and fangirl sobs into ours). Patrick Kane took his mom to Switzerland, for heaven’s sake.
Now I’ve figured out where Intern Jeff Skinner’s been all this time…
Back in June at the MuchMusic Video Awards… stop. Hockey players at pop awards shows and people actually know who they are? BLESS YOU, CANADA. NHL players can barely get on the ESPN Espy’s red carpet here, and only because someone assumes they are Jessica Alba’s bodyguards. Anyway, I digress. At that magical show, this happened.
That’s Intern Jeff Skinner’s mark, as far away from a girl as possible. We did convince him to rock the white v-neck because all the cool kids were doing it.
Just when we thought it was business as usual, a photo of Jeff and Degrassi actress Cristine Prosperi! He’s still doing the hoverhand but at least he’s next to her. God, the awkward prom glory of it all.
Then right afterward… dammit, Tyler. We obviously assumed the obvious obviousness of this, which ended in Jeff getting a ride home with Subban and Seguin, well, being Seguin. WUYS hopes and dreams shattered.
Until now. This photo, posted actress Jessica Tyler (on the right) from the Degrassi wrap party last night, was captioned “Couples Retreat.”
You like how I wrote that as if I know what it means? Some things are so Canadian they are beyond even me, like Degrassi. Rumor has it the show aired in the States, but if it fell out of the sky and landed on me, I wouldn’t recognize it.
It landed on Intern Jeff Skinner instead, he seems pret-ty happy about it.
With nothing else to go on, we give this Cristine Prosperi girl our approval based solely on her excellent taste in polite and handsome young men.
It’ll be great when we have her over for an awkward meet-the-bosses party, and she and I leave dinner to do the “Beauty and a Beat” round on Just Dance 4.
This post is brought to you by all those years I spent reading Teen Beat.
I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to think a safe-for-work way to describe this.
The best I could do is a photo play-by-play of me, earlier today. Enjoy.
Someone posts that a Camp Biosteel video is up:
The video opens with Steven Stamkos doing something so extraordinary that it can only be described as walking.
Then turning. While still walking. God, he’s amazing.
I had to pause the video for a second and just:
Guest appearance by Intern Jeff Skinner, showing off his two best skills: lifting heavy things and running away (from girls). Make that three skills – skipping work!
Cut to Stamkos. He doesn’t just walk, he jogs. Someone hold me.
(Pale white guys with their socks pulled up? Apparently yes.)
Oh, it’s not over. Look at him turn…
… and do this until I’m yelling, “LEFT JUSTIFY! Get out of the way!”
Some other people appear in this video, none of which are James Neal. SCANDAL AND OUTRAGE. Tyler Seguin doesn’t even have his puppy and Biznasty is never actually seen doing anything but talking. Hmmm, real life? There’s also actual hockey, shootout-style, which gives me a stomach pain of longing and fear. I keep going back to the beginning.
Where is Intern Jeff Skinner right now? At Biosteel Camp slacking off when he should be forwarding our collective resume for this job?
Talented, witty, personable with a communications degree… sounds like some people around here. (I left off the part about the criminal background check, which probably include a Google search and then ZIP, there go our chances.)
Yes it’s real (nhl.com) and yes, you’re qualified. We are available for reference letter writing, in exchange for tickets.
Intern Jeff Skinner here. Jeez, I thought it was tough to get a word in during the regular season. If Landeskog could keep his shirt on, maybe we’d have some bandwidth left! Ahem, as I was trying to say…
I signed a $34.35 million, 6-year contract.
Not that anybody cares, because Crosby is doing something that used to require oxen. Need I remind you that I have collected (almost) all the Staals?! Pants even posted about it… and not a single picture of me, of course. (No, Pants. The sloth does not count.)
What does a guy have to do to get promoted around here?
I tried to add a photo, but she changed all the passwords. Luckily Mike Green’s birthday was my third guess.
Let’s talk about my contract. It keeps me in Carolina through 2018-2019 [link]. By then I’ll be 26. You can’t still be an intern at 26, right? It doesn’t even matter, because I’m pulling in $5.725 mill/year and I don’t need the WUYS money. Not that there is any. They’ve spent it all flying to Canada to enter that Crosby contest, which is why they’re staying with my parents.
To show them I’m ready to be promoted, I’ve spent my summer vacation doing important, grown-up things. Like wearing ties and taking meetings.
I’m coaching too, as I’m very responsible. Even if the kids are taller than I am.
Since I’m a big deal now, I’ve decided this is my best side for photos.
It’s a total resume builder.
I’m also improving my references. Not only do I have Jordan, but I’ve been collecting Foxy Friday pals. Just wait until “Bring Your Friends to Work Day” when I really impress the girls.
Or when someone steals my phone at the office Christmas party.
In case of emergency, I also made a workout video. Now that I’ve seen Crosby’s, I may have to revise the weight on my barbell and my choice of socks. Still, the balance board is killer. If that’s not awkward enough for you, keep watching.
So, what do you guys think? I’m going to make the playoffs get the job, right?
Jeff turns 20 today, so he’ll be doing… exactly what he does every other day. Drinking a gallon of milk, giving up his seat on the Metro and buying Girl Scout cookies. Sorry Skinns, we can Party in the USA next year.
Definitely invited.
Oh heck, we’re inviting everyone.
You told EVERYBODY?!
It’s going to have a prom theme, for all the ones Jeff didn’t get to go too.
Not funny, guys!
We promise, no figure skating jokes and Eric is going to buy the beer.
This is sounding better.
So have a good summer, Jeff…
What’s that saying? Bend and snap?
And maybe at 20 you won’t be quite so – oh, forget it. We love it when you’re horribly embarrassed with Nealer and Stamkos laughing in the background.
Intern Jeff Skinner scored his 20th goal of the season last night, and it was a beauty. Skinner had 31 last season during his Rookie of the Year campaign, but that’s what happens. More goals gets you more defense. So use your feet:
But please, don’t use your feet to kick someone. With your skate blade. Which Skinner also did during the game against the Blues:
Skinner has been suspended two games for that genius maneuver. Principal Shanahan explains… link.
When I see a kid in Target wailing and flailing on the floor in the cereal aisle, I think that I’d do that if it were socially acceptable. But I don’t. This is such a intern-level temper tantrum. Maybe he was upset because we give Mike Green the “bad boy” slot in our NHL boyband. Either way, Jeff needs a time out.
Kris Letang has 4 assists to match the number of Disney princes he's played - Eric, Charming, Aladdin & Flynn Rider. (Caspian/not Disney.)*P 2 hours ago
Pants
Chuck
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