What's Up, Ya Sieve

Remember the NHL Awards?  Cringe-inducing awkwardness and mispronunciation, doled out by people whose titles must precede their names for recognition?  ”… and actor (that guy who played Ed back in the day)….”

It turns out I really miss those.

The NHL handed out their awards over the weekend while I had no internet and no idea it was happening.  Oh well.  My campaign for a “make up for the lockout and no All-Star Game” program involving a swimsuit competition and push-up contest apparently fell on deaf ears.

We’ll always have this Blackhawks TV episode.

Deprived of suits, shiny toys and the potential of a Biz & Gingeroux Take Vegas Instagram-Fest, let’s discuss the winners.

Hart Trophy/League MVP – Alex Ovechkin

Is that a tray of watches and potato pancakes?

Mmmmmkay.  I would have gone with Crosby, but research indicates I may be biased.  Can you miss 1/4 of 1/2 of a season and still be MVP?  Fine, I guess not – but Sid only lost by 4 votes.  I did admit this was the first year I have appreciated Ovi.  If this award inspires him to play like his three Hart-worthy seasons (instead of last season!) in the future, it’s cool by me.

John Tavares, what do you think?

Selke/Best Defensive Forward – Jonathan Toews

Approved.  Chuck would say Bergy but with the season the Hawks had, seeing one of their lead offensive players (T-1st in team goals, 2nd in points) also be their best defensive forward is especially impressive.  Why work that hard when you’re winning all the time anyway?  Because it’s a huge part of how you win all the time.

Lady Byng/Sportsmanship – Marty St. Louis

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SQUISHY!!  He’s 38 today.  It’s easy to assume Squishy wins this award (almost) every year because he’s small.  Not true.  Brad Marchand is small.  You with me?  St. Louis also lead the NHL in points – at 37, he was the oldest player to ever do this.  Score that much and be nice about it? Our moms are so proud.

Vezina/Best Goaltender – Segei Bobrovsky

In a world where Bobrovsky was traded and now the Flyers will buyout Bryzgalov’s monster contract, are you laughing a little?  I’m laughing.  I also applaud Bob’s gutsy choice of suit and tie.  Gotta be sauve when you’re up against King Henrik.

Norris/Best Defenseman – PK Subban

I know voting only takes regular season into account, but if this went to Kris Letang after the Pens’ playoffs even I would have been ashamed.  Maybe next year, Tanger.  Maybe you need a ponytail holder.  I don’t like Subban but Id’ like him if he were on my team.  All those chin-ups with the 100 lb. of extra weight have paid off.

Calder/Best Rookie – Jonathan Huberdeau

I saw maybe 3 Panthers games all year and Huberdeau scored in all of them so I’m on board with this.  Jon also has the appropriately wry jawline and poufy hair potential to replace Matt Smith as Doctor Who, if they could tape only in summer.

Lindsay/Most Outstanding Player (by NHLPA) – Sidney Crosby

Being voted Most Outstanding by fellow players in pretty great.  Sid would rather have the Cup, the Richard, the Hart… but this award is this season for Sid, especially with his injury.  I’m not going to gush.  Just sum up my feelings with the time Sid went to a Justin Beiber concert in the same week I went to a Justin Beiber concert.  I love everything.  Hold it together, girls.

Side note: The title of this post does not endorse the Nelly remix of Florida Georgia Line’s song.  Yes I admitted to Bieber but even I have standards.

Normally we don’t tend to feature the same player twice in our Foxy Friday feature, but after what Gregory Campbell did on Wednesday night, how could we not?

from bosstownsports.tumblr.com

In case you’ve been living under a rock since Wednesday, just take a moment to review what transpired to bring about this Foxy Friday Sequel.

We wouldn’t know it officially until yesterday but Campbell broke his leg on that shot…and kept playing.

from fictionmist.tumblr.com

We all know that hockey players are notorious for being one of the toughest, if not THE toughest athletes on the planet.  (Rugby players are right up there especially that guy that lost a testicle during a game and kept playing. Talk about cojones.)

But what Campbell did on Wednesday was incredible.  To have the presence of mind to get back up and keep playing when you are in obvious intense physical pain is just remarkable.

Some might call it stupid or reckless.

We just call it foxy.

Cue bad-ass strut walk music. 

He could have easily collapse to the ice and waited for a whistle.

But he didn’t.

He put his team before himself, got back up, and finished his shift.

If you watch Bruins hockey with any regularity, you are quite familiar with Campbell and how he plays.  It’s smart, aggressive, and unselfish.  If he gets a goal occasionally, that’s cool.  But it seems for him, it is more about doing what is best for his team and his teammates without regard for personal gain.

He’ll scrap. He’ll muck and he’ll grind. And apparently he’ll even play on a broken leg if that is what it takes.

With one act of incredible courage and self-sacrifice, Gregory Campbell has become a Boston sports legend.  

Parents will tell their kids about what he did.  They’ll use it as a metaphor about how to never give up, even when it hurts, because there are people counting on you.

We’ll use it as a reminder of what it means to be part of a team, to be part of something bigger than yourself.  That no one person is more important than another and the only way to win is if you work together.

Much like Nathan Horton was in the 2011 Stanley Cup Finals, Campbell will serve as inspiration, motivation, and as an emotional linchpin for this team.

Right now, everyone on that Bruins team has a singular collective focus – to win the Stanley Cup and to win it for Gregory Campbell.

P.S. Get well soon, Soupy!

Patrice Bergeron certainly has a flair for the dramatic, doesn’t he?

First, his game tying and then game winning OT goal verses Toronto in Round 1 and now this.

While credit goes to Bergeron for scoring the goal, mad props go to Jaromir Jagr for making it all possible.  His play on Evgeni Malkin along the boards makes that goal possible.

Forget the fact that Jagr is practically pre-historic in hockey years – he is still got it. Oh and Brad Marchand’s pass wasn’t so bad either.

Gregory Campbell is wicked hahd corah.  He blocked a Malkin shot and remained on the ice as the Penguins continued to pressure on the power play.

We all know Campbell is one bad mamma jamma, but this was just amazing.

At first I was all “Why is he limping to the side like his leg was broken? This ain’t no time for the Humpty Dance!”

Well, turns out the Campbell’s leg was, in fact, broken.  Just to reiterate – Campbell played that whole time WITH A BROKEN LEG! I will cut anyone who says that hockey players aren’t the toughest athletes out there.

Campbell is done for the remainder of the playoffs and the Bruins will miss his physicality and depth. However, I have a feeling that his steely determination and self-sacrifice will serve to be an inspiration for his teammates as they prepare for Game 4 and the potential sweep.

David Krejci’s campaign for the Conn Smythe continues.  He is out there shaking hands and kissing babies…and getting all the points. He scored his 9th goal of the playoff and remains as the league’s #1 point-getter this post season with 21 points.

Penguins did play their best game of the series last night…but the Bruins were just a little bit better.

Vokoun recovered well from his first two performances and was excellent in net…but Tuukaa was better.

Although the series is now at 3-0 Bruins, this series, and the playoffs in general, have been anything but easy for the Bruins. Just look at Bergeron’s face.

His bruised and battered visage is a testament to how hard the Bruins have been working, not only in this series but the entire playoffs.

After their Game 7 victory over the Leafs, the Bs seemed to have flipped a switch and reverted to the way they played in their 2011 run to the Stanley Cup.  They are mucking and grinding and playing with a grit and grime that has been their calling card. It might not always be pretty and the goals might not make it to the Top 10 on NHL Network, but they are getting it done when it counts the most.  They are a team that has committed themselves to leave it all out there on the ice, each and every time.

Game 4 is Friday in Boston and the Bruins will have the chance to close out the series with a sweep of the Pens.  If you had told me at the beginning of the playoffs that this is where we’d be right now, I would have called you crazy.

Say what now?

We both would have. The Pens regular season domination was enough to make anyone believe that their road to the Stanley Cup Finals was all but assured.

But the NHL Playoffs are a fickle thing.  They can dismantle contenders with incredible ease.  Or make champions out of underdogs.

Battle of the Blog: Game Two

The Penguins had a game last night.  Sort of.

I won’t talk about what went wrong because:

• a) I would be here all day. (The defense!)
• b) Everyone has already said it. (The passing!)
• c) I refuse to put more bad mojo into the universe about the Penguins right now. (The horror!)

Get up.  Now.

I won’t talk about what went right for the Bruins either (everything, not that they need it) – that is Chuck’s fun to be had.

My only highlight was Mr. Pants’ nomination for Husband of the Year.  If your significant other isn’t a big hockey fan, this is the most you can hope for in life:

• He took me to the bar before the game.
• He came home after the Bruins’ first goal and launched into an hour-long comedy routine, complete with “Yo Mama” jokes.  There was even an intermission dance routine reminiscent of Napoleon Dynamite.
• When the game got out of reach in the 2nd, he sat down at the computer, put on his headphones and didn’t make a sound for two solid hours.

True love.

I will remain positive in this series.  It’s not easy, but someone has to do it.  We have faltered before, and battled back, and everyone remembers what happens when we don’t.  I trust in this team even when they don’t seem to trust themselves or each other.  I will channel my anger and frustration into the biggest effing rainbow you’ve ever seen if it’ll shine over the Pens practice and make something go right.

Right?

Anyone?

PS: Is there some atomic-level connection between the Blackhawks and the Penguins?  The Hawks kill it in R1, Pens struggle.  Pens are strong in R2, Hawks flail.  Now the Hawks are up 2-0 while the Pens are down by the same….

Battle of the Blog: Game One

Since Chuck and I are not talking, I have no idea if she’s planning to write this same post today.  You guys can tell me later.

So, Saturday night was exciting, yes?  Too exciting.  Run-and-gun hockey is fun to watch only if:

• the puck goes in the net.
• it’s some other team I don’t care about.

Otherwise it’s so exhausting that I need Gatorade and a sports bra just to spectate.

The Pens and Bruins couldn’t keep that pace up either, but they wanted to make sure we weren’t bored.  Or should I say “board?”  I don’t usually criticize officials because in real-time, those calls are hard to make.  It’s like yelling, “I DON’T LIKE THAT!” after someone obviously did something wrong.  But assigning punishment for those penalties needs to be consistent.  If you did the crime, you do the time.  Or not.

Matt Cooke boarded Adam McQuiad, got a major and a  game misconduct (not suspended for tonight).

Brad Marchand boarded James Neal, got a minor and a high five.

The difference is what?  I don’t even care that McQuaid sees Cooke coming, while Neal doesn’t see Marchand, which technically make’s Marchand’s hit worse.  Both hits were ugly and both should have been penalized equally.

Also I should stay off Twitter to prevent future ragestrokes about “Matt Cooke is so dirty” comments from people who say nothing at all about Marchand doing the exact same thing.  I won’t defend Cooke’s hit – it was bad and I’m sick of him doing stupid things.  We all know his history, especially when it comes to the Bruins.  But call for one crucifixion and you better call for them all or your argument is invalid.

The Penguins apparently felt the same way, except they’re on the ice where they need to continue playing, not in my living room throwing couch cushions and pizza.  So Malkin fought Bergeron, Crosby shoved Rask and then got into the best shouting match ever with Zdeno Chara.  I tend to laugh when I’m nervous, so imagine what I sounded like watching this go down.

“Dear Sid,” she thought, her panicky giggle sounding a lot like his own high-pitched laugh. “I appreciate what that you’re not afraid of the Charasaurus and you’re going to stick up for your team, but please be cool.  Also, don’t die.  Malkin just left and we kinda need you.”

0% brains, sometimes.

The Penguins did what they do best in times of adversity – get all ruffled and spaz out.  You (should) know better, guys!  It’s the perfect game plan and well done, Bruins.

Pittsburgh needs to get their emotions under control, almost as much as their setup in the defensive zone.  Stop doing this:

Because:

Then we can go back to:

Okay?  Good plan.  See you tonight.

So this is it:

If your team won a Stanley Cup in the last four years, remain in your seat to ride the roller coaster again.  If not, you probably hate this.  It’s like playing original Monopoly, before they swapped the iron for a cat, and thinking, “Oh great, the old shoe won again.”  (Seriously, how is a thimble more relevant than an iron?)

Lucky for us, we are old shoes.

Chuck and I will be suspending all direct interaction during the Bruins/Penguins series and communicating only via passive aggressive Tweets and blogs.

Perhaps we’ll let Intern Jeff Skinner man a scoreboard and tally how many times we don’t say what we want to say because we know we can’t unsay it, even when the series ends with the inevitable Penguins win.  (INTERN EDIT: Stop it, Pants.  Behave yourself.)

Fine, Principal Skinner.

Last night’s Hawks OT win guaranteed that a great many of our Western Conference friends will be just as verklempt during Round 3.  That means “choked with emotion,” or perhaps more specifically from the German verklemmt – “emotionally inhibited in a convulsive way” [urbandictionary].

I think it’s fair to anticipate convulsions, no?

Personally, I’m thrilled to have something to care about in the West.  I haven’t seen enough of Kaner’s tufty beard-and-receding hairline mullet combo.  Plus the Kings ensure that we won’t run out of #BreadWatch2013 topics to discuss.

(Ha! #BreadWatch – Typo of the Week.)

It’s going to get a little ugly, a little dirty, but we’ll all love each other again in the end.  In a few wins wars weeks.  Right?

Take the next two days to love your friends because when Saturday comes, all bets (and BFFs) are off.

Over the weekend, things got very interesting out west.  First the Sharks and Kings repeated the Capitals/Rangers dance of winning every home game to take their series to seven games.

I hope the trend of that series continues… which would mean the Sharks win Game 7.  The Kings got to be bearded longest last year, let’s give the Sharks one more round to see what they can really do, okay?  I’m generally against repeating for the Cup unless you’re my team, which means I don’t want the Kings to win again.  I don’t want either of these teams to win it all anyway.  And I don’t have to make sense.

Look how excited this lady is – don’t let her down tonight!

After the Sharks staved off elimination, then came the Blackhawks.  From the highest highs of this season to the lowest lows of this series, the Hawks have certainly been dramatic.  Watching the Jonathan Toews equivalent of a sleep-deprived, sugar-induced Sunday afternoon at Target temper tantrum was the low point.  But we’ve all been there.

Sometimes you just need a friend who’s not afraid to barge into your room…

… and tell you that now is not the time for your Bachelorette meltdown!  Don’t be that girl who cries in the limo, Jon!

Now the Hawks have bounced back to force Game 7.  Is it Luck?  Perseverance?  Goonies never say die?  If I were betting on which team shows up tomorrow night – the Hawks from this year or the Hawks from last week – I’d bet on the Hawks (and the Toews) from this year.  Get it, boys.

These are the Game 7s that I love.  SJ/LA won’t rip my heart out either way.  CHI/DET could, but I feel lucky the Hawks are in it after dodging the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Now It doesn’t matter how you got here, it only matters how you leave.

Never in considering playoff beards or writing this informative and newsworthy weekly feature did we expect to find that so many people share our affinity for ginger beards. You’re all into hockey, that’s enough to make us friends. This common captivation with facial hair takes our relationship to the next level.

Since we’ve made ginger beards a thing, it’s time to give them their due. Last week, we mentioned Daniel Alfredsson and Brian Bickell’s impressive contributions. Here are the rest of The Best 2013 Ginger Beards, from rusty to rosy and everything in between.

Read the whole article [here].

#beardwatch2013  #Gingerbeard

As much as I like intensely battled hockey games, it’s nice to get a big win once in a while.  It’s nice to take a 3-1 playoff series lead.

Last night’s Pens/Sens game significantly reduced my risk of a heart attack.

Malkin said Neal was ready to bust out of his scoring slump [link], and it appears Geno knows a thing or two about hockey and his linemates.  Not only did Nealmobile have 2 goals last night, but so did Iginla.  There were so many hugs.

And toe drags.

There were post-game interviews.

Iginla/Crosby/Neal

And the NHL Network Cisco Arena Cam, the most awkward “where am I looking?” interview in sports.

Interview video here.

There was also the Gingerbeard, looking more ginger and more mysterious than any mysteriously ginger beard before it.

Seriously, why is it this color on Canadian TV:

And this color on American TV?

It’s ginger either way, but Canada’s RGB – I mean the color model but this could also stand for Ridiculously Gingerbeard – is turned waaaaaaay up for TV.  America’s appears to be more subdued, in any lighting.  Are our neighbors to the north manipulating TV to make ginger beards appear more ginger?

CANADA, YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT.

Defensively, last night was pretty shaky, but not since Game 1 vs. NYI have the Pens looked so confident and composed on offense.  When asked if the Senators could come back, captain Daniel Alfredsson said:

“Probably not,” he said, “Their depth and power play right now, it doesn’t look too good [for us].” – CBC.ca

Call me crazy but I’m not counting anyone out.  I am, however, counting on these Penguins to show up Friday night to put this series away.  Mr. Pants’ birthday is this weekend and we’re going to a bluegrass festival Sunday, when Game 6 would be.  No one wants to hear me screaming for goals over the sound of a banjo and some spoons.

If you want something in life, it’s best just to ask for it.

Today, I’m asking for a lot: BE SMARTER.

In case you missed the late night (Eastern time) Twitter riot , the LA Kings gave control of their account to KROQ radio host Kevin Ryder for the second period of Game 4 vs. the Sharks.  He did this:

Image from CBSSports.com

And because nothing is funnier than a rape joke, the Kings then had to do this:

I’m curious what you think.  Do you care?  Is a tasteless joke excusable or is an organization responsible for what they put forth, regardless of author?  We’re all desensitized to a certain amount of ingrained sexism and misogyny, especially in sports.  Where is the line?

Before turning over the keyboard, the Kings said:

How true?

Honestly, I’m all out of passes for people doing stupid things on social media.  We’ve already discussed how the trend-setting and extremely popular Kings Twitter account operates under the “Usually We’re Funny and Sometimes We’re Jerks” mandate [link].  We also talked about Asshole Day, celebrated by Duncan Keith and Tyler Seguin with various sexist/homophobic/moronic remarks [link].  My inner publicist dies a little when this happens.

I don’t want everything sanitized and I want these team accounts to have personalities and have fun.  Sometimes they will push boundaries.  But sometimes they will jump off the edge.  This is a failure on the part of whoever runs that ship to keep their sailors from going overboard.

Also, being upset that people are upset by something you said to upset them? No.  You worry about you, dude.  Be smarter.

On the ice, the Sharks were busy winning.  They’ve come back from 2-0 down to tie the series.  Maybe the Kings won’t have worry about their Twitter account for much longer this season.