Here’s the story from NHL.com.  The Hawks were the Hawks in Game 1, winning Four 1 over Detroit.  Then a Freaky Friday (though it was Saturday) body-switching catastrophe happened and the Wings were suddenly the Hawks in Game 2.

Game 3 tonight.  Recently benched Stalberg and Handzus will play.  Why were they benched?  Coach Q’s mustache said it was to make room for Dave Bolland [story] but apparently told Viktor it was performance-related.  Once again proving the NHL is not a beauty pageant, no matter what this blog looks like.

Speaking of which, Jonathan Toews still has NO playoffs goals which you know is making him Captain Crazy.  Let’s hope Chicago’s back to form tonight, despite the radiant perfection of the Zetterbeard.  They have some radiant perfection of their own we’d like to see smiling.

Penguins Bachelor Auction – Talent Competition

Episode One: Sidney Crosby’s sex hair vs. James Neal’s ginger beard

Somewhere, Pierre weeps.

Neal’s Strategy: Curls for the girls.

I’m just saying – NBC Sports Network is showing cycling reruns when there is money to be made.

Last night’s Penguins game really saved an otherwise desolate day.  Anything that makes Evgeni Malkin this happy is bound to have the same effect on me.

As we said in our Round 2 Playoff Prognostications on Puck Daddy:

Remember when smart girls were into slacker guys, like in Knocked Up? That’s Pants and the Penguins. If the Pens don’t get their act together and do the damned dishes in Round 2, they’re sleeping on the couch all summer.  

They did it!  At least for now!  Game 1 was a bit mad in the early going, but settled into a steady Penguins onslaught.  The Senators got chances and second chances – we owe you, Vokoun, now lock up those rebounds.  The Pens scored 2 of 4 power play chances and even once on the penalty kill (Duper!).  Strong from start to finish, that’s what girls love.

Game 2 of this series isn’t until Friday, but there’s no rest for hockey fans.  The Kings won last night and the Blackhawks/Red Wings start tonight.  Let’s go Hawks… I’ll be saying from inside the theater where I’m watching Star Trek.

Trust you guys can hold it down for tonight?

]]> http://www.whatsupyasieve.com/2013/05/15/get-right/feed/ 6 http://www.whatsupyasieve.com/2013/05/14/just-give-me-a-reason/ http://www.whatsupyasieve.com/2013/05/14/just-give-me-a-reason/#comments Tue, 14 May 2013 15:46:14 +0000 Pants http://www.whatsupyasieve.com/?p=16440 As you many remember, I fought the Caps love for a long time before finally caving in.  In just three years as a Capitals’ fan, our relationship has gotten very serious (obsessed, codependent – semantics).

As such, I’ve allowed myself until Noon today to wallow in last night’s Capitals. With actual shock I admit that I might not need that long.

Look, Caps.

Get beaten.  Lose, even.  That’s hockey.  But don’t you give up.

Last night, it felt like you threw in the towel after the Rangers’ third goal.   That’s when I got mad.  I’d get mad at myself, my friends or my non-existent kids if we acted that way and you are not exempt.  This is a family, damn it.  Calling you out doesn’t make me a fairweather fan.  I wouldn’t get mad if I didn’t f&!%ing love you.  I’m not saying sink the whole team in the Potomac and start again.  I’m saying COME TO PLAY and we will COME TO SEE.  You have to hold up your end of this bargain.  I don’t expect wins every night but I expect heart, and  I’ve seen yours before.  I know it’s in there.

*sigh*

Still, they lost.  No one feels worse about it than the Caps (which is saying something, considering how bad I feel).  You can watch the post-mortem locker room interviews if you’re a glutton for punishment.  Me, I’m trying to move on.

Here’s the post I wrote last season when the Caps lost to the Rangers.  While this is a trend I could certainly do without, it reveals a calmer, more admirable side of my pain that I’d pretty much forgotten I had.

Mikey Monday: Love & Memories (Caps Lose 2012)

Things I said last year that are still true now:

• I won’t get down on the Caps for their game seven performance because it’s not what I want to remember all summer.  (Okay, I did a little but it was very cathartic.)

• Thanks, Caps, for a season that was better for me than it was on the score sheet: more fun, more memorable, possibly more frustrating than any game recap could recall.

• Now “there’s always next year,” and the year after that.  But what I’ll really miss is what can never quite be repeated – the ecstatic, hilarious, infuriating magic that is a single season, with a single team, and almost always ends too soon.

Let me add two things for this year:

• I appreciate Ovechkin.  That’s new for me, but he earned it.
• Plus something I hope I don’t have to refer back to it in 2014:  LET’S NOT PLAY THE RANGERS, OKAY?

And so, I forgive the Caps for last night’s game.  I put my anger at the bottom of a bucket and drown it with all the Capitals-related fun I had this year.  To the players, I offer hugs and help packing suitcases.  Have a great summer, get tan, go to Stampede and waterfronts and post many ridiculous photos.

We will miss you and when you come back, we’ll do it all over again.  Because that’s love – and we’re family.

It wasn’t easy.  It wasn’t even pretty.  Well, maybe Game One, but otherwise the Penguins generally had their asses handed to them by the 8th seed upstart Islanders.  At times the Pens beat themselves, but as the series went on the Islanders were winning.  Fair and square they were beating the Penguins for long stretches of time that included nearly all of Game Six.

In the end, a win is a win.  It’s not about who “deserved” to win, because maybe that was the Islanders.  At least if this were a Disney movie.  They played more than good hockey, they played their hearts out.  The Penguins didn’t, but they fought hard against their own issues and still brought it to OT.

Hopefully the Penguins learned and when Round Two starts against Ottawa, we’ll see the team we’ve seen all year.  The team they can really be.

And we’ll see this.  It’s already twice what it was last season… somebody’s getting jealous of #BeardWatch2013.

Nealmobile’s ginger beard, on the other hand, is mesmerizing.  I’ll find a picture for you then you’ll have to cancel all your plans.

After a withering glare, and admitting to the 2-2 series score, he asked if I thought the Penguins would still win.

Yes, I do.  Of course I do.  They’re my team.

My optimism took a beating last night, and I couldn’t even see the game.  You know what shit sounds like on the radio?  Shit.  I won’t be using the DVR either, preferring to pretend it never happened and the Penguins aren’t doing the walk of shame back to Pittbsurgh in a stolen t-shirt with one broken high heel.

I also don’t want to see the fracas at the end.  A seething pool of frustrated rage still boils in my core over last season’s face plant first round loss to Philadelphia. If we are approaching that low, I’d rather just close my eyes and crash.

Regardless of these last three games, I believe in my team.  I believe they can turn this around.  The Islanders are playing very well, and much credit to them.  They never say die.  But the Pens are playing very poorly.

If the Isles’ best can still only manage goal-for-goal shitshows against the Penguins’ worst, then all we need is not their worst.  Right?  Anyone, math?

So, what is it that keeps up hanging on when things look bad?  Is it the knowledge that anyone can win any game on any day?  Do the agony and ecstasy of competition make this ancient struggle poetic?

Yes and no.  I don’t want to be epic, I just want to win.  For me, optimism is a mix of believing my team is better (than they’re playing now) and some Stage 5 cocktail of denial and dependency, spiked with stubbornness and a paper umbrella.  Tell the bartender to keep ‘em coming.

Of course the Islanders fans believe as much as Penguins fans – probably more, and they deserve it.  I’m insanely jealous of the fun they are having.  Still, optimism doesn’t care who is at the other end of the seesaw trying to toss me off.

I’m holding on for dear life.  Or Vokoun.

Seriously – VOKOUN.  We can believe in Fleury after we believe in winning this series.  Bylsma, the whole team is a hot mess but you’re getting one goal leads.  Give the guys a chance to make them stick!

Oooh, I’m getting psyched again thinking about it.  Come on, Game 5!

By Britney Spears

Not exactly what Britney meant.

Game 1: Penguins 5, Islanders 0

Oh yeah.  Everything they say about me is true, look how unstoppably hot/young/talented/perfect I am.

Sid: Are you talking about us?

Remember Flower’s wedding?

Game 2: Penguins 3, Islanders 4

Waaaaahhhhhhhhaaaattt do you mean Justin dumped me and I’m fat and tone deaf and I forgot to wear pants to this TV interview?

Sid: I can hear you, you know.

Game 3: Penguins 5, Islanders 4 (OT)

I have no idea what I’m doing maybe this will work RRRRAAAAAHHHHHH oh hey I feel better now.

Sid: You take that back.

The Isles deserve a ton of credit for the great hockey they have played in bursts through the last two games.  How about their crowd yesterday?   I think the Penguins should still have this in the bag if they can just even out their game.  The Islanders have been very good, but anything less than spectacular and it’s the Penguins beating themselves.

Bets on what Tuesday night’s game will look like?

Is there anything to say or think or even feel that that isn’t breathlessly captured in these photos by clydeorama from Jasper’s Rink?

Anything else you want to hug?  How about a giant adorable dog?

from Mike’s Instagram

How about Mike’s NHL Network CISCO Arena Cam interview?

Or perhaps the most exuberant Tweet of my entire life (so far)?

It was Mike’s 18th career GWG, including 8 in OT.  That’s why he’s GAME OVER Green.

Somebody make sure I’m okay before tonight’s game.

Eastern Conference

#1 - Chuck said Rangers, Pants said Penguins.

Actual: Penguins

Hands out of pockets – Sid is excited!

AND HOW.  This season was a different than expected, but great nonetheless.  Kunitz and Dupuis and Sutter?  Neal getting to 21 if a little slowly? Throw in Iginla, Morrow and Jokinen at the end and whew, it is hot in here!  Pants is sad Crosby will miss some indie awards, but more happy his face is okay and back for the playoffs.

#2 - Chuck said Bruins, Pants said Rangers.

Actual: Canadiens.

It’s not the size of the boat…

The race for top of the Northeast Division was tough all season, with Bruins and Habs jockeying for position.  Bruins almost had the 2nd seed locked but faltered in their last few games of the season.  And their arch-rival was there to pounce all over it.

#3 - Chuck said Penguins, Pants said Capitals.

Actual: Capitals

Not so young, but they’ve still got guns.

Pants didn’t think it would be so damned hard either, or that Ovi would show up to drive this train.  Mike Green leading defensemen in goals?  She probably called that.

#4 - Chuck said Capitals, Pants said Bruins.

Actual: Bruins

#BostonStrong

Please hold while Pants auditions to join Shawn and Gus on Psych.

#5 - Chuck said Flyers. Pants said Hurricanes.

Actual: Maple Leafs

We’re sorry, we misheard.  We thought you said MAPLE LEAFS.

Cartman is so happy!

#6 - Chuck said Lightning. Pants said Flyers.

Actual: Rangers

Blue Shirt Beauty Parlor

Again with the teams that missed entirely!  St. Louis & Stamkos did finish 1-2 in scoring, but that just ain’t gonna cut it.  The Rangers finished just low enough to rematch vs. the Caps and give Pants a stomach ache.

#7 - Chuck said Senators. Pants said Panthers.

Actual: Senators.

Healed right up like the cheerleader from Heroes.

Chuck wins this one.  Panthers finished DFL (dead effing last) with only 36 points. What happened there?

#8 - Chuck said Sabres. Pants said Devils.

Actual: Islanders.

If this girl’s #39 is a Travis Green jersey, I’ll die.

 If you say you predicted this, you’re either Chris Comando or you’re lying.

Western Conference

#1 - Chuck said Blues. Pants said Canucks.

Actual: Blackhawks

Did you really doubt us?

Pants’ prediction was based largely on the bad-assery of Ryan Kesler in past years.  He missed most of the season due to injury, and the Canucks missed him. Chuck’s prediction was apparently based off of David Backes’ puppies & Alex Pietrangelo’s face.

#2 - Chuck said Canucks. Pants said Blackhawks.

Actual:  Ducks

Teemu for President.

We couldn’t figure out why they weren’t better last year, so we didn’t pick them to be better this year.  Shows us.  Never doubt a 42 year old Finn.

#3 - Chuck said Kings.  Pants said Red Wings.

Actual: Canucks

#blergh

Given the Canucks’ goalie soap opera, we not surprised that they finished where they did.  Kesler’s injury didn’t help. Could the Canucks’ 3rd place finish be the start of their Western Conference decline?

#4 - Chuck said Blackhawks. Pants said St. Louis.

Actual: Kings

The Kings over-performed – by not finishing in 8th place.

#5 - Chuck said Predators. Pants said Oilers.

Actual: Blues

.

The obvious conclusion: We don’t watch a lot of Western Conference hockey.  And Pants really loves the Oilers who, in her defense, should be a lot better than they are.

#6 - Chuck said Red Wings.  Pants said Sharks.

Actual: Sharks

Sesame bagels for everyone!

Pants finally got one!  And Chuck was only 1 off!

#7 - Chuck said Sharks.  Pants said Wild.

Actual: Red Wings

Like always betting on black and doubling-down on 11, we learned to make odds in October of ’96 from watching Swingers. The Wings won the Cup that year, and the next.  We didn’t know how to bet against them.

#8 - Chuck said Stars.  Pants said Kings.

Actual: Wild.

Don’t worry, guys. I got this. 

Wild squeaked into the playoffs… by the hair on Zach Parise’s exceptionally chiseled chinny-chin-chin.

Overall, we more closely predicted rankings in the East, but chose more qualifying teams in the West.  Wishful thinking and the Ginger Power of the Flyers only got us so far!

What about you – any bulls-eyes or big misses in your crystal ball this season?

Coming soon:

We’ll be predicting playoffs winners on Puck Daddy (and here) this week.

Jared Staal will make his NHL debut tonight with the Hurricanes.  That means Eric, Jordan and Jared will all be on the ice!  Marc, who’s still recovering from an eye injury and the subsequent “I told you so!” of Mama Staal, made the trip with the Rangers.  Trust he’ll be looking all ginger in the press box.

Your LL Bean Boyfriend just ran for the hills.

Jared has been playing for the AHL’s Charlotte Checkers.  he only has 3 G/3A in 37 games this season, but who cares?  The Canes aren’t making the playoffs and this is a much better story.  Put me in coach, I’m ready to play!

I have a sneaking suspicion he may be my Favorite Staal of All, based solely on these two graphics:

The real question: What is Jared going to wear on his jersey?  We already have a J. Staal.  Will he wear Ja. Staal?  J. Staal 2.0?  Jared wears #22 in Charlotte, but Zac Dalpe wears it in Raleigh.

Both 10 and 13 are open though – then he could line up numerically with his brothers and we’ll do a segment for Sesame Street, brought to you by sod.

Correction: 10 is retired by the Canes, as pointed out by @ericmac20.  As soon as he said it, I thought, “Ron Francis!” My mistake.  That I would forget a former Penguin from back-to-back Cup winning teams, who scored a Cup-clinching goal – sheesh.  It’s like 50 First Dates in here.  (Also, Jared will wear #34.  Thanks for nothing, kid.)

How Canada sells t-shirts.

I’m telling you, when aliens come to Earth and immediately try to contact the dominant species, they’re going right for the Staals.

Jared will need a nickname to join JStaal (Favorite Staal), EStaal (2nd Favorite Staal) and Ginger Stall (or Cinnamon Staal).  Who’s got suggestions?

I’m a publicist in real life, which generally leads me to desire a talking ban on everyone until their comments have been approved.  But that’s my dream world.

Last night, Duncan Keith made a probably sexist, definitely stupid remark to a female reporter after the Blackhawks loss to Vancouver.  From Puck Daddy:

• Keith: “What did you see?”
• Thomson: “Well, there it looked like there was a penalty that went undetected. You seemed a bit frustrated.”
• Keith: “Oh, no. I don’t think there was. I think he scored a nice goal, and that’s what the ref saw. Maybe we should get you as a ref maybe, hey?
• Thomson: “Yeah, maybe. Can’t skate though.”
• Keith: “First female referee. Can’t probably play either, right? But you’re thinking the game, like you know it? Seeya.”

This woman has likely heard worse on her way from the car to the rink, and she even Tweeted jokingly about it renewing the rivalry.  While I don’t think Duncan Keith hates women or any such nonsense, the part about her gender is so intensely stupid, so conversationally desperate that it makes me see red.

Also, in general it’s a good rule not to be a dick.  Sure, he’s frustrated.  The Hawks have only lost 6 games all year and he clearly has no idea how to handle the rampant devastation that results in crying himself to sleep on a giant fucking pile of money.  Since a single game loss is so eviscerating to DK, so obviously a sign that he cannot perform his job, then no wonder he thinks this woman can’t do any job at all.  Ridiculous, right?  Let’s be equal-opportunity jerks, at least.

Sarcasm – it’s for everyone!

Continuing this trend, Tyler Seguin used the phrase “no homo” in a Tweet yesterday.  Then he deleted it.  Hahaha – as if that ever worked. From SBNation:

He has since apologized for the reference.  It’s offensive, of course, but one of those phrases so widely used that I doubt he thought anything at the time.  He should have.  He wasn’t delivered by stork to the Bruins locker room yesterday, so he should know better than to put something in the kind of writing that you can never erase.  Just because he used a discriminatory term in a casual way doesn’t take away it’s meaning – even if that’s not what he meant.

Tyler Tweeted two apologies… I’m going out on a limb to say he only wrote one of them.  Left the period off the latest when cutting and pasting, for authenticity.

Then there is Matt Cooke.  Increasingly demoted from true asshole status over the last few seasons, if this story from Puck Daddy is at all true, then he’s on the list today too.  The source is so suspect that I believe Matt gets a pass.