What's Up, Ya Sieve

Suddenly there is a deluge of proof that hockey players believe this season will happen.  Every time a bell rings, Intern Jeff Skinner does a squat.  Oh wait, everyone does squats.  It’s a Foxy Friday party in the gym.

Video: Intern Jeff Skinner has great legs (bonus: James Neal)

This is my serious face.

There’s a moment where Gary Roberts says, “We don’t lay down much in our workouts.”, but he looks like no fun at all so I’ll just bite my tongue.

My first thought is that Jeff has a surprisingly deep voice to go with those gams.

Second thought: If James Neal sat behind me, I’d work a lot harder too.

There’s a glimpse of Nealmobile’s mystery tattoo in this video (inside right bicep).   I know it says PANTS, but I want to see it!  The first person who gets a picture will receive a case of Mexicolas delivered by Intern Jeff.

After watching that, don’t you want to hit it?  (I mean the gym, pervs.)  Run around the block or something?  I do.  Then I watched this:

Video: James Neal and Jeff Skinner demonstrate my inadequacy

A race consisting of one pull up, one push up, then again, with no stops for throwing up on your sneakers.

I’ve been training hard all summer for a Tough Mudder race (Sept 8!) and I still cannot do one single pull up.  I can run 12 miles but cannot lift my body weight.  Intern Jeff Skinner does them one-handed while taking phone messages in the office.  UGH!

This would be very disheartening if you didn’t notice that Nealer is cheating.

Those are some girly push-ups, James.  Twice he gets called out on it.  Gary Roberts is so mesmerized by Jeff’s quads he doesn’t see James staying six inches off the floor.  We’re on to you, Neal (and thanks).

Not to be outdone during Stamkos Takeover Week here at WUYS…

Video: Steven Stamkos can jump freakishly high

Not for nothing, but that is CRAZY.  He’s 6′ 1″, so he’s jumping well over 3 feet.  I just measured my desk – 29″ – and started cracking up.  No freaking way.

 .gifs from h33nrik.tumblr.com

That last one… why do I even bother trying to say coherent things?

Next up - Video: Jon Tavares, hot middle school science teacher

It’s the hair.  Something about it says Izod polo shirts and boat shoes.

He’s about to start discussing sedimentary rock strata while I doodle on my Trapper Keeper and debate which would be more fun: detention or extra credit.

Also, JT91 looks like he sort of hates this.  He’s obviously very motivated… to finish this working and go do something else.  We applaud his efforts.

And finally, someone who tells it like it is.

Video: PK Subban knows it’s tight t-shirt season

Listed at 206 pounds, that means PK is lifting 306 lbs here.  He looks like he could lift my car.  He goes on to say he works out 8-9 times a week.  Somewhere, John Tavares just passed out.

Last year when we started talking about workout videos, the universe delivered.  This seasons it seems to have anticipated our request.

Quick someone ask for something else…

Another day.  Another video from Camp BioSteel.

Nealmobile!

FINALLY!  We were beginning to wonder about him….

He looks like he just woke up and hasn’t had his Paul Martin omelet yet.

Get that boy a bagel, stat.

BTW – Love that guy’s stank face on the right. It’s as if he realizes he’ll never be as good as Nail Yakupov.

This video, while not nearly exciting as Day 1 or Day 2, does have hot guys sprinting.

Obviously, they are participating in some hockey version of “The Hunger Games”, sprinting all out for the cornucopia and that backpack.

Our money is on Tyler Seguin.  He’s got that look of a Career Tribute.

For us personally, we’d like to see more working out in these videos.

More Steven Stamkos leaping tall buildings in a single bound.

More Tyler Seguin tossing medicine balls like they are nerf balls.

More shirtless massage montages.

And less of this.

His body is bangin’ for sure, but this caterpillar of a mustache just totally ruins it for us.

Especially when it makes him look like Luigi from Super Mario Brothers.

Maybe I got a little too excited about Stamkos yesterday, because Camp Biosteel’s Day 2 video is the Tyler Seguin Show.

For the record, I’m not complaining.

But where is Marshall? I was promised a puppy.

Oh jeez.  Okay.  Fair trade.

Stop. I surrender.

Sorry to Segs, but he’s not the true highlight of this video.

Behold the exact photo definition of WUYS:

AMIRIGHT?

There’s hockey, a hot guy who plays hockey, some form of exercise and a damsel in cardiac distress over the entire tableau.

This picture says a thousand words and most of them are “UNF.”

I don’t know why it’s happening, but I guarantee this girl had no idea it would happen to her .  A close proximity shirtless push-up from Biznasty is not a ‘messy bun’ occasion.  She’d much rather faint in stiletto cage sandals and a sparkly dress.  Happens to us all the time.

Shameless.  Hallelujah.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Behold Stammer’s secret message inviting me over for movie night, where I get to eat all the ketchup chips since he can’t do that during training camp.

We’ll obviously watch Attack the Block, because he knows I love that movie.

And he knows how we much we appreciate this look. I’m giving him the tag #shorthairdontcare this season.

Still no James Neal.  There is one shot of Intern Jeff Skinner – the equivalent of a note from his coach about why he’s not here to get me a candy bar.  I’m heartened by all these guys training hard because they obviously intend to start playing any day now, and keep doing so all season.  No lockout.  No excuses.

Until tomorrow…

(Thanks Amanda, photo-finder extraordinaire.)

This post is from Pants, not Chuck.  That is nothing short of a miracle – a miracle that involves a hot guy baby-talking his puppy.

Damn it, Tyler Seguin!  That was my last line of defense.

Video: Tyler Seguin and his puppy ruin your life.

If you’re still alive after that, how about being jealous of a real-life girl?  Lovely WUYS pal Jana attended the Plymouth Whalers alumni game on August 4th.

She got to meet Tyler…

… and reports that he was very nice, if a little reserved, possibly due to his rabid female fanbase. (I raised my hand. Was that not a question?)  But once they started talking, he kept right on talking.

Because he’s cool, right?  Not just because Jana has an awesome, Pants-coveted haircut and strongly resembles Ashley Greene?

I swear they’re talking about what romantic restaurants will let them bring the puppy onto the patio during dinner.

Chuck’s been working to turn me into a Seguinista for years, but I’ve resisted.  So Jana had a back-up plan in case I was not yet jealous. A plan in which she also met James Neal.

Are you trying to kill me?!

I would have hurdled this table fast enough to qualify for the Olympics, people.

To sum up, my summer has consisted of zero puppies, zero hockey players and the Snickers I ate for breakfast.  Wah waaaaaaaaah.  Other people clearly have better plans/luck/haircuts and are making them count.

Thanks to Jana for sharing her pictures with us!  Keep ‘em coming, of course.  Donations gratefully accepted.

With summertime and real-life work responsibilities and vacations, things have been a little slow around the WUYS office lately.

We’re running at like 50%, not able to post as much as we want and Intern Jeff Skinner is totally being a slacker.  He thinks he’s all hotshot with his new fancy contract.

We don’t care, Jeff.  You’re still our intern. Now fetch us some ice cold mexican coca colas!

Okay, now that he’s left the room, we have a confession to make.

We sort of feel bad for Jeff.  We’re making him work so hard this summer when he should be out enjoying his summer, just like Gabe Landeskog is.

Seriously. This kid is having the best summer ever.  And thanks to the wonder of the twitter, we all get to share it with him.

We love technology and hockey players who embrace it.

Here are some of our favorites….

Summer without hockey is really really hard, but Gabe the Babe is trying his hardest to cheer us up.

Thanks, buddy.

We’re feeling a much better now…

Guest post time!  (And Pants fixed her broken photos, sorry.)

Hi, I’m Jess! You may remember me from such WUYS guest appearances such as Up Close and Personal and Our Friends Party With the NHL. Pants and Chuck have once again let me take over their blog so that I can drop a little ‘Hawks fandom on y’all.

My latest mission? The Fifth Annual Blackhawks Convention!

If you haven’t been to Chicago, go. Now. I’ll wait… Did you LOVE it? Amazing, no?  It is stunning and I cannot wait to go back/move there one day.

Friend of the blog, fellow Blackhawks fan, Virginia-native and all around spectacular human being Carter was already going to be there as, by happy accident, the Convention fell on the same weekend as the half-marathon she was running (!). I BEGGED her to hook me up with an extra pass, even though I live nowhere near Chicago (It’s 691 hour walk. Thanks Google Maps!) and wasn’t sure I could make it. A last minute seat sale and a terrifying Hotwire gamble meant I was on my way to the great state of Illinois.

Carter and I, as featured on the Chicago SunTimes website.  Not wearing Blackhawks gear = ultimate party foul. #guiltyascharged

Now, it is well documented than I suffer from a severe case of Jonathan Toews-induced catatonia and therefore my memories of the weekend are a little bit fuzzy. I was really hoping that the Blackhawks would have posted the whole thing on their website so I could do this thing Mystery Science Theater 3000-styles, but I will try my best…

Disclaimer: People on the interwebs had way better cameras than I did. I borrowed a few, but I highly recommend trolling Tumblr…

Day 1

The Opening Ceremonies were kinda like boarding an airplane. It took forever to get everyone in their places, there was a brief message from The Captain, followed by a video that no one really paid attention to. But then, THEN, as the room was emptying, Toews came out to do an interview in the press area that was RIGHT BESIDE ME:

Captain Deltoids

As he was leaving, he walked past and shook a few hands. Instead of extending my hand like a normal person, I put my hands behind my back because I was afraid this would happen:

He was ushered off by his NSYNC-circa-2001 security entourage, but not before he said “Sorry guys, I gotta go!” His voice directly touched my ears. Did I say ears? I meant SOUL.

Friday night was “Second City” comedy/awkwardness hour, scene of the infamous Shawlberg strip-tease. They can Magic Mike all they want, but Tina Fey and Amy Poehler they are not. Personally, my highlight of the evening was Patrick Kane saying that he woke up that morning next to a beautiful woman and Carter’s hilarious NSFW commentary.

Day 2

There were memorabilia auctions, activities for kids and several rooms set up for Q&A’s. Personally, I parked my ass in the International Ballroom ALL day. The first must-see panel was “The Olympic Ideal”. Patrick Kane rolled in wearing the same clothes as the night before. Oh PKane, never change. There was a lot of “Blah blah, it’s an honour to play for one’s country,” but I do not remember anything that was said after Jonathan Toews spoke because he had sexy, husky morning voice and GURRRL HE LOOKS LIKE SUPERMAN:

Captain More-Powerful-Than-A-Locomotive

Next up was the “Behind the Scenes with Blackhawks TV” panel wherein my Life Hero Patrick Dahl, Director of Advertising and Game Presentation, revealed that he has ample blackmail footage of Jonathan Toews in his underwear (the use of “ample” was not an intentional pun.) The panel also included humiliating out-takes of their already humiliating BHTV featurettes which can be seen here and here. The fake moustache has scarred me, as the kids say, 5-evah.

Captain Bashful

Speaking of humiliating, during the Q&A a crazy fangirl tearfully sang a version of “Call Me Maybe” to “Jonny” asking him to sign her jersey. Let me tell you, Carter and I would have taken gold in Synchronized Cringing, Pairs, Long Program. The fontrum was palpable.

But I’ll allow it because we were treated to this:

The last panel was “Generations of Captains” where Jon put on his big boy clothes to sit at the grown-up’s table. This was actually my favourite panel because Stan Mikita is everyone’s hilarious grandpa and I have never seen Toews laugh so hard. Like, literally head down, pounding the table hysterical laughter. It was joy.

Captain Judging-You (Thanks Veronica for the amazing photo!)

I really did try to get his autograph! I’m working on it you guys, 5th time will be a charm…

Captain Sport-Coat-No-Tie

Day 3

At the risk of facing WUYS army court-martial, I failed to get Viktor Stalberg’s autograph. Let me explain. No, there is no time. Let me sum up. The convention employed an elaborate system of wrist bands and scratch-and-wins for pictures and autographs, and I am blessed with neither patience nor luck, respectively. There was a somewhat entertaining panel about social media in which I decided I want Jimmy Hayes to be my boyfriend, but other than that, it was pretty low-key and all was said and done by 1PM.

Hmm… what else?

• Brent Seabrook is the ULTIMATE troll. His sarcastic slow-clap is amazing. I want to hang with him.
• Patrick Sharp, like Barney Stinson, is INCAPABLE of taking a bad picture. He may never actually blink.

PATRICK SHARP. YOUR FACE.

Best Q&As

• Fan to Toews: “Are you gonna do a no-haircut season like Stamkos?”
• Toews: “I dunno. It gets out of control pretty fast.”
• Sharp: “Well, he’s not gonna have that hair much longer, so he better enjoy it.”

• Fan to Sharp and Mayers: “Is it hard leaving your family during road trips?”
• Andrew Shaw: “Yeah, it’s real tough leaving the kids.”
• Dan Carcillo: “Especially when you don’t know where they are.”

•  A mom, to Kane: “Can you tell my son that getting up at 4AM for practice is normal.”
• Kane: “I was doing something at 4AM, but it wasn’t playing hockey.”

I know this was overly Toews-centric (sorry I’m not sorry) and I’m forgetting a bunch of stuff (I barely discussed Patrick Kane and his forearms!), but I don’t want to overstay my welcome. And one should keep some of one’s anecdotes secret, as one does not want to be a dreadful bore at cocktail parties.

Thanks again Pants and Chuck! You ladies are the absolute best and I adore you. XOXO.

We obviously adore you too, Jess.  And since you mentioned Kaner’s off-season arms project…

Oh, okay. One more smile.

Follow Jess for endless hilarity, and that time she took a photo of Stamkos & Skinner together just for Pants - @jfrancesw.

Well, folks, it was bound to happen.

Stanley is a little banged up, thanks to former Bruin Michael “Cool” Ryder and a flimsy Nova Scotian card table.

To which my friend Fatty J exclaimed, “Jesus Michael!”

Dios mios indeed!

What is that table made out of anyway?  Paper mache and matchsticks?

You’d think that they’d be able to find a sturdier table to hold the Cup, you know, to prevent that from happening.

Luckily, the Cup is okay.  Just a little dent.

Can’t say the same for Ryder’s pride though.

Welcome to infamy, my friend.

Man Down.

This summer’s been pretty awesome for the Bruins. Winning the Stanley Cup pretty much guarnetees that.

The celebration tour has taken the Cup all over the world, but one place it’s been quite a bit this summer is…

ON A BOAT!

Nautical themed pashmina afghans and flippy floppys for EVERYONE!

Stanley has more than earned his sea legs these last few months.

So, where’s he been exactly?

Well, he was…
At Niagara Falls – ON A BOAT! (Daniel Paille)
At the Jersey Shore – ON A BOAT! (Dennis Seidenberg)
In Vancouver – ON A BOAT! (Milan Lucic)
In the Welland Canal – ON A BOAT! (Adam Creighton, Bs Scout)

But you know what boat we REALLY want to see Stanley on? This one.

With Seguin and Marchand too.

Kings of the world, on a boat like Leo.

Okay, they earned it. Videos and photos and… thank heaven for this week.  And for Alyonka Larionov (person I am most jealous of in the world!)’s Twitter photos.  Who said something about Seguin wearing the heck out of a suit? Did you ask for a t-shirt?

That sound you hear is Chuck's lifeless body hitting the floor.

And Stamkos showing off (approved):

There's a "throw me up against the wall" joke here...

I obliged Intern Jeff Skinner and did a single pull-up at the gym yesterday.  Almost popped my shoulders out.  I can plank and run and lift… but not like this.  I get woozy just thinking about it.  Not enough BioSteel in the world to get me through 1/10th of what these guys do.

Impressed yet?

He doesn't even look tired.

What you really want is video of Biz doing yoga in his unders.  You got it.

And hey, look who got 10 seconds of camera time?

Frankly, this is not enough.

So that’s Foxy Friday – the boys working it out because they can’t wait to get back together with you.  Now if this hurricane really takes us all out, at least you saw Biz in his skivvies.

We hacked the Bauer Hockey Facebook page today and posted nothing but pictures of the Staals.  Oh wait, that wasn’t us?  Someone else did this?  BRAVO.  And woah.

You can see all the photos here.  But you can’t handle it. (Oh wait, that’s us.)

Ginger Staal got married over the weekend, hence the festivities.  The Staal Bros are going fast, ladies.