Last Valentine’s Day, we brought you a crash course in finding the perfect date. This year, Chuck is rewriting her Match.com profile and under “What You’re Looking For,” she’s including this:
Hey, they said be specific.
So for another round of the Hallmark Holiday, we’re talking about What a Girl Wants – NHL Edition. Get out your Franken-kit ’cause we’re building the perfect boyfriend.
Because heygirlimstevenstamkos.tumblr.com is better than Ryan Gosling.
Like anything you’re going to ride, you’ve gotta start with a good frame.
Chris Higgins makes even his own pants fall off.
Don’t be shy if you wanna kick the tires, make sure they’re sturdy.
What? He has great legs.
Moving up, make sure he’s equipped to literally sweep you off your feet.
Doing laundry, ripping the sleeves off every shirt.
Since you’ll be seeing this face a lot, it’s gotta be a good one.
Pick a smile you want to see all the time.
A real smile.
An all the way smile.
(Whew, I got a little carried away.)
Hair is important too – so many choices! Short and sweet? Dandy flop? Ginger curls in perfect Pantone color match to his team’s sweater?
Do you want a guy who spends more time in front of the mirror than you do?
Careful… consider the alternative.
As a secure, confident lady, just admit that some days Mr. Perfect is going to look better than you do. Handle it.
Okay, show us the wistful longing eyebrow raise…
Now that he’s built, your guy can’t just
lie sit there and look pretty. He will of course be funny…
That lady is straight reading over his shoulder.
He will want a family…
With extra hair accessories.
And he’ll set a good example for them…
Stay classy, Philly.
Or at least make sure their signs are spelled right.
Or at least stay in school.
Add a little bit of serious…
But make sure he knows when to let loose.
Throw in more lover and a little bit of fighter…
Who just needs to cuddle sometimes, okay?
Brandon Prust vs. Lola – Snoring Contest
Give him a scoring touch.
Mix in equal parts handsome…
Plus a couple parts pure adorkableness…
And your brand new, NHL-edition boyfriend will be perfect(-ish).
Now go and enjoy your Valentine’s Day!