What's Up, Ya Sieve

Patrice Bergeron certainly has a flair for the dramatic, doesn’t he?

First, his game tying and then game winning OT goal verses Toronto in Round 1 and now this.

While credit goes to Bergeron for scoring the goal, mad props go to Jaromir Jagr for making it all possible.  His play on Evgeni Malkin along the boards makes that goal possible.

Forget the fact that Jagr is practically pre-historic in hockey years – he is still got it. Oh and Brad Marchand’s pass wasn’t so bad either.

Gregory Campbell is wicked hahd corah.  He blocked a Malkin shot and remained on the ice as the Penguins continued to pressure on the power play.

We all know Campbell is one bad mamma jamma, but this was just amazing.

At first I was all “Why is he limping to the side like his leg was broken? This ain’t no time for the Humpty Dance!”

Well, turns out the Campbell’s leg was, in fact, broken.  Just to reiterate – Campbell played that whole time WITH A BROKEN LEG! I will cut anyone who says that hockey players aren’t the toughest athletes out there.

Campbell is done for the remainder of the playoffs and the Bruins will miss his physicality and depth. However, I have a feeling that his steely determination and self-sacrifice will serve to be an inspiration for his teammates as they prepare for Game 4 and the potential sweep.

David Krejci’s campaign for the Conn Smythe continues.  He is out there shaking hands and kissing babies…and getting all the points. He scored his 9th goal of the playoff and remains as the league’s #1 point-getter this post season with 21 points.

Penguins did play their best game of the series last night…but the Bruins were just a little bit better.

Vokoun recovered well from his first two performances and was excellent in net…but Tuukaa was better.

Although the series is now at 3-0 Bruins, this series, and the playoffs in general, have been anything but easy for the Bruins. Just look at Bergeron’s face.

His bruised and battered visage is a testament to how hard the Bruins have been working, not only in this series but the entire playoffs.

After their Game 7 victory over the Leafs, the Bs seemed to have flipped a switch and reverted to the way they played in their 2011 run to the Stanley Cup.  They are mucking and grinding and playing with a grit and grime that has been their calling card. It might not always be pretty and the goals might not make it to the Top 10 on NHL Network, but they are getting it done when it counts the most.  They are a team that has committed themselves to leave it all out there on the ice, each and every time.

Game 4 is Friday in Boston and the Bruins will have the chance to close out the series with a sweep of the Pens.  If you had told me at the beginning of the playoffs that this is where we’d be right now, I would have called you crazy.

Say what now?

We both would have. The Pens regular season domination was enough to make anyone believe that their road to the Stanley Cup Finals was all but assured.

But the NHL Playoffs are a fickle thing.  They can dismantle contenders with incredible ease.  Or make champions out of underdogs.

Battle of the Blog: Game Three

For me, last night was:

Oh sorry, wrong photo.

Double OT loss.  Hell of a game to put the Penguins down 3-0 in the series.

You saw it though, right?  The moment?  Crosby with no helmet, sweaty curls and bangs whipping, busted jaw set in sheer determination, battling around the net with the puck on his stick in double overtime and you thought:

“I’m in a movie.  I’m in a gut-wrenching, war-whooping sports comeback movie written and directed by Pants.”

That’s what I was thinking.  If it had worked… well, I would be watching the replay instead of writing this.

In case you’re wondering what has happened to Chuck – I haven’t done anything to her!  She Tweeted yesterday that she wants to write about the Bruins, but is trying to be nice.  She doesn’t want to make Pens fans feel worse.

If we were speaking, I would tell her: you can’t.

Game 1 was worse.  Pens fans all looked from the TV to each other and we said, “Who the hell were those guys? Obviously that will never happen again.”

Game 2 was worse.  By the end, we were in a disaster movie, waving our arms for desperate rescue from certain annihilation by a force we could neither see nor comprehend.  We knew only that we had unleashed it on ourselves.

Game 3 was worse.  And better.  And every emotion in between.  At the end I was face down on my living room floor.  I assume most Pens fans were in a similar state of mute rictus, enacted by their nervous systems to lockdown the body and prevent the destruction of property and self.  Mr. Pants eyed me from a distance with genuine concern.

Dramatic reenactment.

That was (for the most part) my team last night.  Hello boys.  Far from perfect, it was at least an 87% improvement on everything.  But even when you play your heart out, you don’t always win.  Game 3 was the very reason that Games 1 and 2 cannot be allowed to happen – you can’t play like last night and still be so close to sunk.  It’s not fair.  It’s not how my movie is supposed to go.

While I appreciate Chuck’s kindness, I have watched (lived? endured?) every moment of this series in real time.  Nothing anyone says can make it worse.  Her hockey team is playing marvelous hockey and her hockey blog says nothing about it?  That is crazy, and no favor to anyone.  She should be enjoying this here as much as I’m sure she’s enjoying it at home.  I’m not asking to have it rubbed in, but the score is the score.

Give us a little credit, Chuck – we’re hockey fans.  We’re tougher than that. Rejoice in your team.  The Bruins fans around here would love to read it and, honestly, Pens fans won’t read it anyway.

You know why?

I still think we can win.

Crazy, yes, but I’ve seen historic comebacks.  Chuck has too.  Winning a series after trailing 3-0 has only happened 4 times in major pro sports history – and three of those times were in the Stanley Cup Playoffs (including 2010 Flyers over Bruins).  The only non-hockey occurrence?  2004 Red Sox over Yankees.  Chuck and I made that one happen with our Jedi mind power.

I can’t give up now.  After last night, I actually believe!  Before I was just saying it!  If the Pens can improve that drastically between Games 2 and 3, imagine how good they could be Friday.  That’s all I really ask – one (or 2 or 3 or 4) more games that we can be proud of.  Take all the overtimes you need.  I can handle it.

And if you can’t come back to win this, Penguins, at least go down swinging.

So come on, Friday.  We might finally have an A game to bring you.

The Kings rebounded to beat the Hawks last night.  Just sayin’.

Battle of the Blog: Game Two

The Penguins had a game last night.  Sort of.

I won’t talk about what went wrong because:

• a) I would be here all day. (The defense!)
• b) Everyone has already said it. (The passing!)
• c) I refuse to put more bad mojo into the universe about the Penguins right now. (The horror!)

Get up.  Now.

I won’t talk about what went right for the Bruins either (everything, not that they need it) – that is Chuck’s fun to be had.

My only highlight was Mr. Pants’ nomination for Husband of the Year.  If your significant other isn’t a big hockey fan, this is the most you can hope for in life:

• He took me to the bar before the game.
• He came home after the Bruins’ first goal and launched into an hour-long comedy routine, complete with “Yo Mama” jokes.  There was even an intermission dance routine reminiscent of Napoleon Dynamite.
• When the game got out of reach in the 2nd, he sat down at the computer, put on his headphones and didn’t make a sound for two solid hours.

True love.

I will remain positive in this series.  It’s not easy, but someone has to do it.  We have faltered before, and battled back, and everyone remembers what happens when we don’t.  I trust in this team even when they don’t seem to trust themselves or each other.  I will channel my anger and frustration into the biggest effing rainbow you’ve ever seen if it’ll shine over the Pens practice and make something go right.

Right?

Anyone?

PS: Is there some atomic-level connection between the Blackhawks and the Penguins?  The Hawks kill it in R1, Pens struggle.  Pens are strong in R2, Hawks flail.  Now the Hawks are up 2-0 while the Pens are down by the same….

Battle of the Blog: Game One

Since Chuck and I are not talking, I have no idea if she’s planning to write this same post today.  You guys can tell me later.

So, Saturday night was exciting, yes?  Too exciting.  Run-and-gun hockey is fun to watch only if:

• the puck goes in the net.
• it’s some other team I don’t care about.

Otherwise it’s so exhausting that I need Gatorade and a sports bra just to spectate.

The Pens and Bruins couldn’t keep that pace up either, but they wanted to make sure we weren’t bored.  Or should I say “board?”  I don’t usually criticize officials because in real-time, those calls are hard to make.  It’s like yelling, “I DON’T LIKE THAT!” after someone obviously did something wrong.  But assigning punishment for those penalties needs to be consistent.  If you did the crime, you do the time.  Or not.

Matt Cooke boarded Adam McQuiad, got a major and a  game misconduct (not suspended for tonight).

Brad Marchand boarded James Neal, got a minor and a high five.

The difference is what?  I don’t even care that McQuaid sees Cooke coming, while Neal doesn’t see Marchand, which technically make’s Marchand’s hit worse.  Both hits were ugly and both should have been penalized equally.

Also I should stay off Twitter to prevent future ragestrokes about “Matt Cooke is so dirty” comments from people who say nothing at all about Marchand doing the exact same thing.  I won’t defend Cooke’s hit – it was bad and I’m sick of him doing stupid things.  We all know his history, especially when it comes to the Bruins.  But call for one crucifixion and you better call for them all or your argument is invalid.

The Penguins apparently felt the same way, except they’re on the ice where they need to continue playing, not in my living room throwing couch cushions and pizza.  So Malkin fought Bergeron, Crosby shoved Rask and then got into the best shouting match ever with Zdeno Chara.  I tend to laugh when I’m nervous, so imagine what I sounded like watching this go down.

“Dear Sid,” she thought, her panicky giggle sounding a lot like his own high-pitched laugh. “I appreciate what that you’re not afraid of the Charasaurus and you’re going to stick up for your team, but please be cool.  Also, don’t die.  Malkin just left and we kinda need you.”

0% brains, sometimes.

The Penguins did what they do best in times of adversity – get all ruffled and spaz out.  You (should) know better, guys!  It’s the perfect game plan and well done, Bruins.

Pittsburgh needs to get their emotions under control, almost as much as their setup in the defensive zone.  Stop doing this:

Because:

Then we can go back to:

Okay?  Good plan.  See you tonight.

By popular demand, this week’s Foxy Friday is Wednesday’s playoff hero:

Brent Seabrook

Brent Seabrook, bastion of blueline presence for the Chicago Blackhawks, had some unprecedented struggles at the start of the Hawks’ Western Conference semifinal vs. Detroit.  He was not the only one.  But when Seabs could hardly be there for himself, when he was getting a paltry12 minutes of ice time and Chicago’s future was rim, he was still looking out for his teammates.

In the end, Brent scored the Game 7 OT winner that made a lot of us do this:

When he’s not stopping heartbeats and playoff skids, Seabs is involved in more bromances than even we can handle.  Obviously Duncan Keith is his OTP and the feeling is mutual.  Brent’s younger brother is named Keith, so there is a Keith Seabrook in this world. If that wasn’t meant to be, I don’t understand life.

When Coach Q broke up their on-ice LTR, things got bad.  You won’t see that mistake again.

But don’t forget Toews, who sometimes looks at Seabrook so longingly you know he’s wondering how he ended up with Kane.

Stuck in the middle with you.

And Seabrook once (maybe) blew Kane a kiss on the ice after Patty assisted on a goal.  FLIRT.  Here’s the video evidence, you be the judge.

So what is it about Brent Seabrook that gets everyone all swoony?  If being 6’3″, Canadian and making $7 million this year aren’t enough…

He’s won the Cup.

He adopts rescue dogs, names them Stanley and puts them in the Cup.  Also he wears the same socks as everyone husband/boyfriend/brother.

He has the best widow’s peak this side of The Munsters.

Seriously, his hair.

Skreened.com – Pucks and Pixels Shop

(Brent’s wife Dayna is pregnant – please let the baby be born with his dad’s ‘do.)

He and his hair are part-time models:

He had a cardboard groomsman at his wedding.  (I don’t know the story, but I wish I’d thought of this!)

Speaking his brother, and of their hair… is that Thor?

He even organizes charity events to benefit inner city schools.  Good deeds and bowling and reading?  Date night!

You can spend tomorrow evening with Brent and the Blackhawks as they begin the WCF against LA.  Game time is 5 PM Eastern.  Of course, you’ll have to share date night with the rest of us… but I’m pretty good at bowling.

“We need a hero. We’re holding out for a hero to the end of the night.  He’s gotta have a beard and he’s gotta have fuzz. And he’s gotta be fresh from the ice.” ~ Chuck & Pants

It’s Conference Final time, and every hockey fan knows it’s often a new guy, a third-liner or someone breaking out of a slump at just the right moment who becomes a playoff hero.

Each of the four teams left owe a great measure of success to such a player. We salute these remaining heroes – and their beards – for what they’ve achieved so far, and for helping their teams’ dreams of bearded glory live on.

Read the rest of our post on Puck Daddy.

So this is it:

If your team won a Stanley Cup in the last four years, remain in your seat to ride the roller coaster again.  If not, you probably hate this.  It’s like playing original Monopoly, before they swapped the iron for a cat, and thinking, “Oh great, the old shoe won again.”  (Seriously, how is a thimble more relevant than an iron?)

Lucky for us, we are old shoes.

Chuck and I will be suspending all direct interaction during the Bruins/Penguins series and communicating only via passive aggressive Tweets and blogs.

Perhaps we’ll let Intern Jeff Skinner man a scoreboard and tally how many times we don’t say what we want to say because we know we can’t unsay it, even when the series ends with the inevitable Penguins win.  (INTERN EDIT: Stop it, Pants.  Behave yourself.)

Fine, Principal Skinner.

Last night’s Hawks OT win guaranteed that a great many of our Western Conference friends will be just as verklempt during Round 3.  That means “choked with emotion,” or perhaps more specifically from the German verklemmt – “emotionally inhibited in a convulsive way” [urbandictionary].

I think it’s fair to anticipate convulsions, no?

Personally, I’m thrilled to have something to care about in the West.  I haven’t seen enough of Kaner’s tufty beard-and-receding hairline mullet combo.  Plus the Kings ensure that we won’t run out of #BreadWatch2013 topics to discuss.

(Ha! #BreadWatch – Typo of the Week.)

It’s going to get a little ugly, a little dirty, but we’ll all love each other again in the end.  In a few wins wars weeks.  Right?

Take the next two days to love your friends because when Saturday comes, all bets (and BFFs) are off.

Over the weekend, things got very interesting out west.  First the Sharks and Kings repeated the Capitals/Rangers dance of winning every home game to take their series to seven games.

I hope the trend of that series continues… which would mean the Sharks win Game 7.  The Kings got to be bearded longest last year, let’s give the Sharks one more round to see what they can really do, okay?  I’m generally against repeating for the Cup unless you’re my team, which means I don’t want the Kings to win again.  I don’t want either of these teams to win it all anyway.  And I don’t have to make sense.

Look how excited this lady is – don’t let her down tonight!

After the Sharks staved off elimination, then came the Blackhawks.  From the highest highs of this season to the lowest lows of this series, the Hawks have certainly been dramatic.  Watching the Jonathan Toews equivalent of a sleep-deprived, sugar-induced Sunday afternoon at Target temper tantrum was the low point.  But we’ve all been there.

Sometimes you just need a friend who’s not afraid to barge into your room…

… and tell you that now is not the time for your Bachelorette meltdown!  Don’t be that girl who cries in the limo, Jon!

Now the Hawks have bounced back to force Game 7.  Is it Luck?  Perseverance?  Goonies never say die?  If I were betting on which team shows up tomorrow night – the Hawks from this year or the Hawks from last week – I’d bet on the Hawks (and the Toews) from this year.  Get it, boys.

These are the Game 7s that I love.  SJ/LA won’t rip my heart out either way.  CHI/DET could, but I feel lucky the Hawks are in it after dodging the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Now It doesn’t matter how you got here, it only matters how you leave.

We love you guys.  Seriously.

I sent the word out last night that I was looking for Foxy Friday nominees and our twitter feed blew up with a ton of suggestions.

As I started to google them to ascertain their Foxy Friday potential, there was one that clearly stood out amongst the rest.

Detroit Red Wings’ Brendan Smith.

Let’s be honest here.  It’s the smile that did me in.

It’s just so happy and shiny and genuine.  You know that when is his smiling, he REALLY means it.

My heart just bursts with rainbows and glitter when I see it.

You see the ways his eyes crinkle up when he flashes that grin.  That’s when you know it is legit.

Also his teeth are perfect.  Sure some of them might be fake but if they are, kudos to his dentist.  I work at a dental school so I know a little something about teeth.

Thanks to the magic of the interwebs, I’ve been able to learn a bit more about Brendan Smith.

He loves Tim Horton’s donuts.

He loves knee socks.

When learning to skate, he’ll always be there to help you up.

 He knows how to work the beanie/hoodie fashion combo.

If you took him to a Jason Alden concert, he’d fit right in.

If you’re feeling sad, he’ll write you a poem.

Should you ever become stranded in the wilderness, you wouldn’t starve to death.

When his hockey career is over, he could get a job on late night TV.  He’s a natural…who also likes PF Chang’s.

Thank you for opening my eyes to the foxiness that is Brendan Smith.

I am forever in your debt.