Close Shave

I don’t know if this break in our server problems will last, so I will post this quickly! Thanks to everyone who sent it to us – it was worth waiting for.

Tyler Seguin and Jordie Benn made a Super Bowl bet: if Seattle lost, Tyler would have Jordie’s megabeard. If New England lost, Jordie would shave Tyler’s head.

 

What do we have to say? Thank you, Tom Brady. Thank you, Julian Edelman. Thank you, Katy Perry, for even your low-vocaled halftime show and that time you wore the Holocaust cloak from The Princess Bride had some hand in this.

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Usually, we’s say “Not the face!” – but this time, okay.

 

Benn had been working on that beard for a year, and as much as we’ll miss it, he could easily grow it back by next Thursday.

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Should have trimmed it first. Everyone knows that.

 

Tyler’s hair, on the other hand… don’t mess.

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Hey girl/guy/kid/fan/lense/plate of macaroni & cheese. You busy later?

 

In other proof that the boys take their football seriously, Tyler Tweeted this:

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Suede dude booties off when watching football.

 

And while you may be willing to overlook a missing apostrophe or two, Jamie knows the best way to get revenge is by sitting near someone cuter on occasion.  Maybe he’s taking applications.

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Bonus: the Gnome never eats his pretzels.

 

Not a Total Loss

For last night’s Penguins @ Capitals game, I was lucky enough to get a luxury suite ticket from my friend Jess.  We also scored passes to the Coach’s Club, which is a magical land at ice level with a ‘make your own nachos’ bar, free drinks and a dessert table.  Sounds good, right? It’s also situated between the locker room and the press elevator. So if you happen to be a player on LTIR acting in a coaching capacity, you might need to go upstairs. You might need to go right by the nacho bar. Which means you go right by me.

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Me and Dupuis

 

Me and Pascal Dupuis – that really happened, you guys.  Kudos to Jess, who was having none of my typical reaction (RUN AWAY!). Also bless the glacially slow press elevator, in which we and Duper were all waiting to ride. There was no way not to talk to him, being one of few people sporting Pens jerseys in the VIP area. Some folks gave me looks like I shouldn’t be eating all their nachos… well, I had to win something last night.

Duper was exactly as you imagine – lovely, friendly and still older than I am. That one never fails. He was taller than I expected and made me wish I paid more attention to White Collar and had learned how to lift someone’s phone, so I could call Sid and tell him what I thought of the first period.

Before that, warm-ups looked like this:

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Borts asked to send this pic to Alison.

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I finally remembered to stand on the Crosby side.

 

The game looked like this from our great seats, only the count on the scoreboard kept getting worse.

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Too bad I could see the scoreboard.

 

In the end, it was an excellent game at which to enjoy free food and Duper’s brief company.  We rode in the elevator again later and shared a grimace over the way the night was going.  Everything else was horrible, especially Steve Downie, and except Mike Green’s goal to make it 4-0. The Penguins were practically on their bus already, so let Mike have one.  I’ll take the punishment.

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Real friends stop making fun beyond 2-goal deficits.

 

Now That Was Fun

I wrote 90% of this before the the All-Star Game started last night, and changed very little afterward.  My opinion was the same: Best ASG weekend ever.  Sure the setup is wonky, the events kind of hokey. Who cares? It’s supposed to be fun, and dammit, it was really fun!

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Firing squad awaits the cannon

 

Thanks to the players who really came to play – not play like they do in competition every day, but the fun kind where the fans get to play along.  Specifically, thank you because:

You looked great.

NHL ASG 2015 (1)

You should see my shoes.

 

Really great.

NHL ASG 2015 (2)

No, they’re my shoes.

 

Like “This Foxy Friday will be used against you in a court of law” great.

NHL ASG 2015 (1)

18 and counting

 

You made new friends.

asg toews

No one can resist the plaid jacket.

 

You saw old friends.

NHL ASG 2015 (10)

First rule of red carpets: Don’t arrive right after Seguin.

 

And trolled them.

NHL ASG 2015 (1)

“Hi Chuck.” “No – Hello Chuck.”

 

You talked a lot of trash.

NHL ASG 2015 (2)

No one at NHL had a real notebook.

 

You took a selfie.

NHL ASG 2015 (4)

Do you see something behind me?

 

You got drunk.

NHL ASG 2015 (4)

It was this guy.

 

You forgot your new friend’s name.

asg getz

Also, I don’t know where Long Island is.

 

He forgave you. Mostly.

NHL ASG 2015 (6)

:: internal eye roll ::

 

You took more selfies.

NHL ASG 2015 (7)

Just add kids!

 

You didn’t win a car.

2015 NHL All-Star Fantasy Draft

Because you didn’t pass the sobriety test.

 

Then you did win a car! But you weren’t the only one.

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#RNHAllStarStud

 

Either way, you won our hearts.

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Right in the ovaries.

 

Even if just for a moment.

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My hatred is no match for this moment of perfection.

 

Even if you weren’t the MVP.

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We would never get your name wrong.

 

Most of all you made us forget all the guys who weren’t there, from the Subban-type snubs to the Crosby-esque casualites. Maybe the weekend could have been even better… but we didn’t miss them.  So thanks for this weekend, and see you next year in Nashville. ;)

Kitchen Confidential

At last year’s Carolina Hurricanes 2014 Casino Night, people bid on auction items that for some reason weren’t redeemed until this year.  I don’t know why.  But it seems to have been worth the wait.

Video: Cooking with the Canes

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I do what with my hand?

We didn’t bid to win a cooking class with Foxy Friday alum Elias Lindholm and Intern Jeff Skinner, but let’s be clear: making us lunch every day is now one of Intern Jeff’s job duties.  And we’re not talking mac & cheese (or KD as you Canadians call it). We want something with components and condiments and at least one vegetable.

The instructions are simple:

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Yes, chef.

Foxy Fridays are sous chefs only. Jeff didn’t win Top Intern: Masters to watch some hack steal his rightful place. Watch over the competition with hawk eyes.

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Working up to his Gordon Ramsay voice.

Say “eh?” as often as possible and don’t you dare burn our dessert.

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BAM!

Be appropriately self-depreciating so no one expects you to cook every day. But we still do.

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Maybe one of those “America’s Worst Cooks” shows next time.

Somehow, Intern Jeff Skinner is still only 22. That should give us pause since he’s been working here for a decade, but eh -it’s not like we pay him, right? Maybe we keep him around to convince ourselves we never age either, like the witch in Tangled. He’s our Mandy Moore.

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We check our reflections in the Calder Trophy.

We haven’t heard from Intern Jeff in a while, and not because he’s been unpacking boxes at my new house. The Canes are having a… rough season, to say the least. With just 16 wins, they are last in the Metro, second-to-last in the East and 27th overall. Intern Jeff has 10G + 9A. That puts him a few points shy of his 2011-12 pace; a serious sophomore slump after his fantastic rookie year because everyone figured out how good he was.

I won’t post graphics of standings or stats – no one wants to see that.  Instead, here’s a a happy photo, and hoping the Canes can get a little something going in the second half.

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November 2014. I hope he slid down the pole after.

Over and Over

Why do I watch the Penguins play the Flyers? It’s not because the Penguins ever win. It’s more like seeing a disaster unfold and being unable to look away – if you’ve ever been around when a flaming asteroid obliterated a theme park.

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‘Cause, baby, now we got bad blood

Now, I could watch because I hate the Flyers. They always do just what I thought they would do. (Cue Zac Rinaldo.) But even being proven right gets old and I think I’m over it. The games are all reruns. My ragetank is full. What pours in now just overflows and runs onto the ground, a sad waste rather than a useful resource. I used to backhandedly relish every cheap shot and dirty hit by the Flyers, because they were always writing themselves as villains. Now I worry the Pens are one play, one lost cool, away from becoming that which I have always loved to hate.

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Now we got problems

I could watch because rivalries generate high-stakes, hate-laced hockey simmering with the potential for glory and storylines that live in a fandom’s heart forever. The Penguins/Flyers are not that, not in a long time. Instead of reading like chapters in a book, their box scores read like rap sheets to be held against players in court.

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And I don’t think we can solve them

A lot of people in our Twitter feed who were not watching said, “Sounds like I’m missing a good game!” They missed a wild one, for sure, but not good.  If you’ve ever been to Medieval Times and seen the jousting knights miss each other completely, only to “fall” theatrically off their horses as required by the script and rush into mock-battle, that’s what last night’s game looked like. Less mock in the battle, of course. But it was predictable, and even laughable at times.

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You made a really deep cut

My interest might hold if the Penguins ever won, or if they were playing better hockey of late. Yet they can always be counted on to come apart against Philly. I used to do the same. It used to bother me that we weren’t winning games 10-0 based simply on moral superiority. But we play our worst against them, and they play their worst against us (which is the same as their best, because Flyers). It’s not fun. If the Pens had won in OT last night, instead of taking extraordinarily timed back-to-back penalties, I would have enjoyed a short revenge. But it wears off quickly now, harkening back to the awful 2012 playoff series that made me ashamed of hockey in general. (Obligatory reminder that I am not over James Neal’s behavior in that series and I never will be. Every time I despise a Flyer, my conscience rightly whispers, “Hypocrite.”)

flyers1

And, baby, now we got bad blood.

I realized last night: I want to hate the Flyers the way I used to, when the games were at least a little about hockey and not just about bloodlust. When being right felt smug instead of sickening, and what happened on the scoreboard meant as much as what happened on the ice. Now, regardless of the outcome, I just feel dirty. My fight for this fight is worn out.

If only the Penguins felt the same, maybe they could win one.

fed up

Takin’ It Back

Last night, MSG network premiered their “Beginnings” series episode about everyone’s hot middle school science teacher, John Tavares.

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Why yes, I’ll tune in.

I didn’t get to see the show, but it re-airs Friday at 10:30 PM.  Verizon Fios carries MSG almost everywhere, so I’ll finally get my million-dollar cable bill’s worth!

For now, I’ll survive on these clips – MSG: Beginnings

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The club can’t even handle me right now.

I’m 30 seconds into the first clip – John goes back to his primary school – and I’ve died 211 times. (Shorter but much higher-res version of clip here.)

Who picked out this shirt? Is it made of wrapping paper? Pay them.  John walks around, frowning modestly and pointing at things.

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Here’s the “Most Likely to Wear Khakis as an Adult” plaque.

He narrates, which puts me right into a coma, but that’s cool because the last thing I saw were his calves so you can just let me sleep a while.

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And here’s the “Best at Tucking in My Shirt” banner.

John was obviously good at every sport, which you know because he doesn’t say so. He casually picks up a basketball, remarks how long it’s been since he played, then sinks 10 three-pointers in a row.

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He shoots…

I may be exaggerating to compensate for the way John downplays everything, or because his t-sleeve can’t fit over the golfer’s tan on his bicep.

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He scores.

There’s also a clip of John reminiscing on going into the OHL at 15 years old, and having his jersey retired by Oshawa last season.  His mom makes an appearance. Where is her award, for raising the only guy in the world who doesn’t seem to realize that John Tavares is John Tavares?  He really has no idea, right?

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Gee, is that what I look like?

woah

Yeah, it is.

On second thought, I think John knows a little.  Exhibits from the JT Gif Hall of Fame:

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Chosen by @RoseTintedVisor

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Chosen by @RealScarlett01

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Chosen by Pants (mine and yours)

Right before this show aired last night, the Isles shut out the Rangers to take over first place in the Eastern Conference.  Not a bad preview before your movie, Tavares.  John leads the team in goals (19) and points (39).  His next game is Friday vs. the Penguins. Maybe we can get a repeat of this:

Dress You Up in My Love

We were talking yesterday about Patrick Kane’s rise to All-Star domination (save for one Latvian).  Well on last week’s Wednesday Night Rivalry broadcast on NBC Sports Network, the broadcasters dropped another interesting piece of info:

Patrick Kane was the best-selling NHL jersey for 2014.

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They’re all wearing this number.

Surprised? I was, a little, I admit. Not Crosby, after his Hart-Art Ross-Lindsay-winning season? Well Sid was second on the list, and since he’s been in the League (and super high-profile) a few more years than Kaner, I figure most people (including myself) already have their Crosby jersey – or two, or three.  Plus the introduction of Winter Classic/Stadium Series designs and sharp new third jerseys by so many teams gives the sales potential a steady pulse for existing fans year after year.

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Personally, still not down with the St. Patrick’s Day gear.

Of course, the Hawks sweaters are gorgeous. Their Stadium Series jerseys were the best of any team in 2014, and their third jerseys are so perfectly vintage-inspired that I want to wear one and sit on a windowsill while I miss Douglas Dorsey.

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I’d say “Parlez-vouz Olympics?” but those jersey sales don’t even count.

According to Puck Daddy (bless them, as I am too lazy to do my own research!), the rest of the top sellers after Kane and Crosby were Toews, Lundqist and Ovechkin.  Sid was first last year, Kaner was #5 last year.

As 2015 starts, what can Patrick Kane do to maintain this top spot?  We have a suggestion:

kane shirt

Best Dressed

Yes, that’s real. Not a real jersey, but WUYS reader @toriewithanE made this dazzling gem on Skreened.  See, that is what we love here: initiative!  I said I was going to make a shirt, but Torie actually made it happen. We think it should be for sale, and count toward jersey sales. We could put his name and number on the back, but you’d never look past this:

From your head down to your tube socks.

That’s two days in a row I’ve included this picture in a post. You’re welcome.

Interesting (to me, at least): Crosby was #1 in 2012-2013, but #3 in the year before.  The lists are pretty fascinating.

Hey Now…

Ugh, sorry. I bet I’ve used a version of that headline for every All-Star Game post in the history of this blog! Smashmouth is not really a place I want to revisit, but it will forever associate with these events.

The complete list of players selected for the All-Star Game in Columbus on Jan 25 has been announced, but let’s start with the fan vote roster. Which looks like the Blackhawks roster.

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I see red people.

Remember the Blackhawks jazzercize campaign video?  Of course you do.  Ne’er have you closed an eye since that day but you’ve seen this, seared in your memory and waiting, gold-chained and glorious, to remind you that votes are the very least you can give when one has smized so hard to earn them.

What percentage of a shirt is this? 25?

You may note a few things once your eyes adjust to all those Hawks logos:

1. NO CROSBY. Just in the fan vote, obviously, but Mr. Popularity, was not crowned Homecoming King this year. He can still call me if he needs a date, though. I am not so fickle.

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Just act cool.

2. What is a Zemgus Girgensons and how did it escape Middle Earth win the fan vote? This phenomenon was well-documented, so it didn’t exactly come out of nowhere (anymore than it completely came out of nowhere). Zemgus, who is 21 and plays in Buffalo, hails from Latvia. So mobilized were the 2 million people of his home country, they apparently did nothing but vote online for for the NHL ASG. Right to the top!

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What does high score mean? Did I break it?

Some people say this is a tawdry exploitation of the game’s selection process. I say: YOU ARE NO FUN, partypoopers! It’s one roster spot. It’s the ASG, which is really just an excuse to look good during the skills competition. Guys who don’t get picked get to go on vacation and don’t have to pose for ’80s prom photos. Sure, it’s an honor to be voted in, but let’s be real. Zemgus plays in Buffalo.  This might be the only thing he ever wins. I hope he enjoys the heck out of it.

3. Kane beat Toews. I love this. Just as Jon became more fun, Kaner became more serious. For next year’s campaign, they should do a full-length Grease remake. From:

Circa 2011

Circa 2011

to this:

sandy

Circa last night

Note Seabs, Keith and Crawford walking by in the back. That’s Shaw on the left.

The rest of the roster includes:

asg rosters

Class of 2015

The list is… confusing. Or perhaps it’s “avant garde” and I never really understood that kind of art anyway. No Nicklas Backstrom, fantasy point machine.  No James Neal’s hair blowing in the shot accuracy competition breeze. (That’ll teach you to get yourself traded away from Malkin… to a team leading the League. Figures.) No Chara, Zetterbeard or Datsyuk, no Sedins and no PK Subban. Remember that time he wore Intern Jeff Skinner’s jersey? Ah, those were the days.  Puck Daddy has some more snub thoughts here.

Those who did make the cut will be wearing these sweaters. When the ASG is over, I hope they are donated to live out the rest of their unsightly lives in relative dignity as Major League Soccer referee jerseys.

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For running at night?

Laviolette and Sutter will coach. Two team captains (and two alternates per team) will be announced next week, and they will hold the fantasy draft on Friday, January 23 at 8 PM (on NBCSN in the States). The draft is my favorite part of the weekend, even eclipsing the skills competition. Someone will get picked last, someone will trip going up the steps.  Hugs will happen. John Tavares will be there.

Look at his middle-school-boy handwriting.

Overall, it sounds a heck of a lot better than my average Friday night.  So we’ll see you there (er, here) for ASG Weekend!

Hockey New Year!

Did you all enjoy the Winter Classic yesterday? Watch from the couch with one eye open and a hangover breakfast? I expect you did , even if you may have been alone in your living rooms.  The event posted the lowest ratings of any Winter Classic – as shame, since it was one of the best games. You can read some possible reasons here (I agree with #1), but let me say:

It was great from my seat.

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America.

I had the squeal-inducing, off-the-wall-bouncing fortune to get a ticket through my work and attend the game with a colleague. You all know the ending – Caps won 3-2 on a goal from Troy Brouwer with 12 seconds left. Let me tell you how it looked from my seat.

I was overdressed, and carrying a bag of hand-warmers. I might wear this outfit when I race the Iditarod.

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Which way to the arctic?

Our seats were incredible: club level, front row. This will never happen to me again. But don’t be too jealous – the club level ran out of food in the second intermission. I just wanted to give Nats Park my money in exchange for calories and they did nothing. Thank God I didn’t have a hangover.

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My seats were better than Kathryn Tappen’s.

Billy Idol sounded great. He looked like he’s been frozen since ’88, outfit and all. Not really sure why he was the opening act, but of all the non-A-list randos the NHL could have secured, this was a very solid choice.

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Not my photo. Nor did he sing “Mony Mony.”

The National Anthem was spectacular. I believe I saw Caleb and Bob, the Caps regular singers, front and center in the Armed Forces band, yes? They didn’t have a great angle on the Jumbotron and we were busy marveling at that flag – and the fighter jets.

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America.

The sun glare was real, and we could file a class action suit for premature eye wrinkles against whoever put this game at 1 PM. When the teams switched sides at 10 mins of the first period, Holtby went from the shade… right back into the shade on the other side. Thanks, Billy Idol, for taking just enough time.

42,000+ is a lot of people. A lot of red was rocked, for both teams. Everyone got a free seat cushion, because GEICO is the official sponsor of my butt.

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We did not do the wave.

Among those 42,000+ people, only one made this:

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Nightmare on Every Street

My colleague pointed to a man on the field, with a microphone, and asked who he was because she’d seen him “holding court” in the press box. It was Roenick, of course. How to explain JR to someone?

The Caps opened a lead. They took some dumb penalties. Patrick Sharp scored in the blink of a eye. Matt Niskanen had a rough third period. But we Unleashed the Fury and Troy Brouwer saved the day. I was so excited I took an accidental celebration selfie that was supposed to be a picture of the game.

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Candid Camera

Afterward, everyone launched their unused fireworks from the night before.

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Boom.

I hadn’t eaten in hours and wished they would launch hot dogs into the air instead.  But fireworks are cool, especially when they are for winning!

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Clap.

It was a stellar day. That said, is it something I’d do again? For cheap/free, yes. The spectacle mirrors how I feel about hockey (big, loud, fireworks), but in the end even a great game is still just a regular season game. For fun, the Winter Classic is it. For heart-wrenching, tear-jerking, feel-it-in-your-guy hockey, save your money for a playoff game.  They’d never run out of food.

New Year’s Resolutions

Hello friends!

I know what you’re thinking – who is this loser trying to sit with us in the cafeteria like we’re friends, when she’s barely talked to us in the last three months!

Guilty as charged.

Never brown cords, though.

Never brown cords, though.

It’s hard to believe it’s the end of the year already. It was a rough one for me at work, and very stressful, but it let up right around when hockey started and I turned my brain off for a while. Binge-watching every TV show from the last three years will do that to you! Now I’m going to start my 2015 on the right foot (skate?). Day One: going to the Winter Classic. Could this herald a return to regular blogging? Crickets packing their bags and moving out of this website? Hey, the mumps are back. Stranger things have happened.

Before we do that, here’s a look back at 2014. We still had a lot of fun, even if it was a little less frequent.

Number of Foxy Fridays: 17

This would be a sad stat, what with 52 Fridays in the year, except that our two most popular Foxy Fridays were group efforts.

#1. Team USA vs. Team Canada – in which Canada wins. How prophetic.

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Meet me at the border.

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No, the northern side.

#2. Ice Bucket Challenges – in which shirts are optional, abs are required and Jamie Benn delivers all that and a haircut.

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Ice, because it was getting warm in here.

#3. Roman Josi – The most popular single-player Foxy Friday of the year was back on January 3, 2014. I’ll stop talking now because:

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Sorry, you were saying…?

Number of Times a Player’s Mother RT’d his Foxy Friday: One.

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Rich Clune, come back to Nashville. We’ll visit on the same weekend your mom’s in town and bring the mimosas. James Neal locks his door anyway, what are you worried about?

Number of Tyler Tuesdays: Eight (plus a Tyler Thursday)

One might have thought Chuck’s, um, admiration for Tyler Seguin could not increase after he was traded from the Bruins to some far away place she never intended to watch.  But Tyler wasn’t having it.  And by “it,” we mean clothes.  Between ESPN Magazine’s “The Body Issue,” his mid-ice Ice Bucket Challenge and virtually every other no-reason-at-all, Tyler went topless at every opportunity and we thank him for his service.

Number of Times We Got Fiesty: One

We, as female hockey fans, may just be making progress on the whole “Girls’ Guide to Hockey” problem.  As you know, the Girls Guide to Hockey is the same as the Guys Guide to Hockey, or just the Guide to Hockey. Because it’s the same sport. Watched from the same seats. You might think a player is dreamy, but a wide shot of an action sport where that guy is covered head-to-toe in padding akin to Kevlar is not much of an opportunity to ogle.  (Exceptions: Some. Like when a helmet flies off.)  I think it’s safe to say you’re not watching actual hockey games just because the boys are cute. That’s what we are for.

Lupul

That grinding you hear is my last nerve.

The last time this story reared it’s head was January.  Could we go a whole year without reading that we’re sycophantic idiots, pandering to our boyfriends, who get distracted by all the flashing lights on TV? Prayers.

Number of Posts about John Tavares’ Pants: 20-ish

John Tavares and his questionable pants selection were much on display in Sochi, prior to his injury.  All options were considered, from sweats to jeans to suits and whatever is happening on the end there.

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Walk, walk, fashion, baby.

What we didn’t expect was this, and other proof like it, that John is reading our blog.

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Orange is the new pants.

Number of Times We Discussed James Neal’s Hair: 257

Speaking of people reading the blog, we’d be happy to take credit for James returning to his ginger-ish glory (if not to Pittsburgh).  He even seems to be behaving himself with the media in Nashville. Don’t worry, he hasn’t totally changed. He still cares a lot about this:

Wait, that's what my hair looks like?

Wait, that’s what my hair looks like?

:: quick shake ::

:: quick shake ::

All fixed!

All fixed! Plus beard for good measure.

Number of Times Strombo became our Supreme Leader: Four

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Help me pick a filter.

There were probably more in Canada, but since hockey Strombo is not regularly on TV here, we have to settle for big events and online videos. He was holding steady in a close race vs. Cabbie until he got Tavares to eat Cheetos on camera, in front of Tyler Seguin. We’ve all seen Tyler’s abs. Proof that, like us, hockey players eat their feelings.

  1. Crosby interview
  2. Roundtable: Crosby, Toews, Lunqvist
  3. Rountable: Tavares, Seguin, Giroux
  4. NHL Awards

And Strombo understands the physics of a “sit down” with Sidney Crosby.

strombo

Lean back. No really, for safety.

Number of Times Mike Green Got Married: One

This could be the year we all became grown ups. I bought a house, a washing machine, got a dog. Mike Green got married and presumably celebrated the event with a tattoo.

green

And he Instagrammed it, because he’s Mike.

Number of Times Jonathan Toews was Fun: Infinite

From a sense of humor at Halloween to acknowledging he’s “the real Canadian dream,” Jonathan Toews spent much of this year proving Captain Serious wrong and wearing shorts. Or while wearing shorts. If you can call these shorts.

I think they're Spanx.

I think they’re Spanx.

Number of Dinners with Sidney Crosby: One

I almost called this “Number of Times You Go Out in Pittsburgh and See Hockey Players: All.”  It was true (at least for a weekend), ut a highlight is a highlight, and this is the light-y-est of them all. I’m still not even bummed we didn’t get a talk to him. Somehow, us trying to hold it together for four hours at the table next to the Penguins is so… us. It’s better.

The Pittsburgh Ten

sid

Thank you all for another great year. I’m always thinking about you – or at least plaid suits, pleated khakis and Intern Jeff Skinner – even if I’m not writing about it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Foxy Friday: Video Power Hour

I had a whole intro written, but I got the Hawks video at the end of this post and it’s wiped my entire brain clean.  Please read all the way to the bottom.  Nothing I’ve ever promised you could be so worth it.

The title of Foxy Friday has occasionally been awarded to a collection of things (plaid suits, glasses) to great as to define the genre.  Today’s honorees take it to a whole new level.

San Jose Sharks “Holiday Sweater”

The Sharks have an amazing history of holiday videos, but they can stop now. There’s no topping this throwback karaoke masterpiece, complete with semi-choreographed white guy dancing and someone holding a block of cheese.

 

It goes on forever. Literally.  Make sure you stay for the scene after the credits, then check out this much-needed infographic.

How BU does it.

How BU does it.

Capitals Holiday Video [that’s a link]

This dork-fest is gloriously unscripted and runs the ultimate test of improv comedy – who will laugh first, us or them?

caps2

Almost enough right to fix all this wrong.

A wink of the eye to how intentionally awful the whole thing is – the Caps tried to enter the NHL ugly sweater contest. What’s the prize? Is it Caps tickets?

Ecard versions - send 'em to your mom.

Ecard versions – send ‘em to your mom.

Penguins Holiday Video [also a link]

If I were going to re-enact a Christmas movie, it wouldn’t be Christmas Vacation (duh, Love Actually), and if I were going to have the Penguins remake a movie, it wouldn’t a Christmas movie (Newsies, anyone? Oh yes.).  But as commitment to awkwardness goes, this Penguins’ holiday video is a Best Picture nominee.

pens1

Beau should’ve worn the hat.

My movie would of course feature Beau and Borts in matching costumes.  I might even cover Crosby up to dampen his attractiveness – and fail, badly.

pens2

Is this a cowlneck shirt? Could this be worse?

There’s nothing in this, however, as good as the “Sieze the Day” sing-along going on in my mind.

Chicago Blackhawks All-Star Campaign Videos

Just as you’re having the happiest of holiday video viewing sessions, the Blackhawks show up to ruin it by, well… being the Blackhawks.  We should be used to it by now.  They’re not even promoting Christmas because nothing under your tree could be this good.

Ice Bucket challenge Spanx = no tanlines!

Ice Bucket challenge Spanx = no tanlines!

What the hell is happening here and how do I make it rule the Earth? Is that what we’re voting for? I’m pretty sure Chuck and I came up with this idea while a) drunk and b) watching that Crystal Light aerobics championship video set to Taylor Swift for the 900th time.  The Blackhawks must be reading our GChats.

You guys saw that, right? I didn’t hallucinate?

Toews is the original Canadian dream, which sounds like the tagline for an ice cream treat made with maple syrup, and it’s finally proven, scientifically, that he is fun now.  We have created a monster.

hawks2

Players gonna…

It would appear there will be (already are?) videos promoting Bickell, Sharp, Keith, Kane and jazzercize.  The wait might actually kill me.

I'm getting this on a shirt.

I’m getting this on a shirt.

And this on the back.

And this on the back.

Good luck, next Friday, on coming anywhere close to this.

8(7+1) Days of Christmas

@raedanda sends me the best work emails! Today it was this KDKA-TV sneak preview of the WHIRL Magazine January cover shoot with everybody’s boyfriends:

pens1

Girls Love, Double Date Edition

That’s right – pre-mumps Crosby and Geno, part-time models.  You know I live for shots of Sid putting on his jersey (3:15 mark, someone gif that please).

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Does this video make my shoulders look broad?

Put this January issue on your Christmas list.  (A lot of my Dear Santa items are Penguins-related.)

Our office holiday party is in 24 minutes, so I can watch this a few more times.

pens

Mister(s) January

Tyler Tuesday: Tats, Stats, Sweaters, and Hats

Pants referenced this photo in her post yesterday, but as the resident Seguinista here at WUYS, I had to weigh in.

First off, can we talk about his legs? Now, I knew that he was bow legged and that they were kinda skinny for a hockey player, but in those white tights…I can’t look away.  Seriously, how does he stand on this twigs, let alone skate? Hockey player bodies just defy explanation.

Seguin, Tyler - ugly sweater

Holly and Jolly.

On a side note – Just me, or has Jamie Benn gotten hotter?  Maybe it is just because we are noticing him more. Or maybe it is because some of Seguin’s swagger is rubbing off on him.  Or maybe he is just a late bloomer and only now coming into his own.  Whatever the cause for Jamie Benn’s metoric rise to hockey hotness, we”ll take it.

In other Tyler Tuesday news –

I love….goooooooooooals

Seguin, Tyler - stats dec 16

‘Sup, ya’ll

Tyler is leading the NHL in points (38) as well as goals (23), five ahead of Rick Nash.  Despite launching himself into the hockey stratsophere this season and becoming a bonafide NHL star, Seguin and the Stars are still 6th in their division and 11th in the conference with a record of 11-13-5.   Seguin could very well win the league’s scoring title this year while his team fails to make the playoffs…again.

*deepsigh* from klingbergluvr.tumblr.com

Boston to Texas

Recently Tyler hung out with this guy…

Seguin, Tyler - with kenny

Sober as birds.

You may be asking yourself “Who the hell is that?” Well, that guy is dancer/actor Kenny Wormald.  Not exactly a household name, but you might remember him from the recent Footloose remake (which was surprisingly enjoyable) and he has danced for Justin Timberlake and JLo to name but a few.

But what makes this photo especially exciting for me is that Kenny happens to be from my very small hometown in Massachusetts, he went to my high school and we danced at the same studio growing up.

One degree, people. One degree.

Players gonna play. Haters gonna hate.
In a recent interview for Stars Insider, intrepid reporter (and WUYS hero) Julie Dobbs (@julieanndobbs) sat down with Seguin for a little Q & A.  Pretty standard fare – favorite food, favorite movie, etc – until you get to this.

Seguin, Tyler - fave tattoo

Now I know where to send his Christmas cookies.

Julie gets up close and personal with Tyler’s new and most favorite tattoo and we thank her.  We also applause her for keeping it strictly professional and for not gingerly resting her hand on his bicep and lingering awkwardly.  We’re not sure if we could resist when temptation is so near.

We also learn that Seguin is a Taylor Swift fan (but honestly, who isn’t?) and that loves “Shake It Off” just as much as the rest of the planet does.

from bennyandthestars.tumblr.com

from bennyandthestars.tumblr.com

One guilty + another guilty pleasure.  Suddenly we don’t feel as ashamed.  I don’t know if Julie wrote these interview questions but whomever did, we thank you.  Thank you from the bottom of our Seguinista hearts. You can watch the entire episode HERE.

sick. beats.

So that’s your Tyler Tuesday round up. I’m always on the lookout for more Tyler news, so feel free to email me at chuck@whatsupyasieve.com or hit me up on twitter at @WhatsUp_YaSieve.

Happy Tyler Tuesday, ya’ll!

from siriuslygoonerific.tumblr.com

10 Days of… oh well.

I was going to do a “Happy Almost Holidays!” post this morning, but there isn’t really anything good to report.  Instead I’ll trye to motivate myself and see if I can do a post a day for 10 days, so we approach 2015 with momentum.

Don’t hold your breath.

Dallas Eakins got fired

Most bosses should be so lucky as to tread water for ages while their ship breaks in half and sinks beneath them like the Titanic.  The Oilers are in a special place we refer to as DFL – dead effing last.  They have 7 wins in 31 games for a total of 19 points.  (Intern Jeff Skinner just threw his juice box at me, because the Canes are in the same boat – literally.  At the bottom of the ocean.)

eakins

Well, shit.

This would be post-worthy if only for the excuse to search “David Tennant sad” on Google Images.

Kidding. He probably wanted to go.

Kidding. He probably wanted to go.

Who will coach the puppies?  Perhaps Craig McTavish for a bit.  The man played his entire career with no helmet, so that’s apt.  If that doesn’t work, I’m always available. I’ve been training my puppy Blue and am happy to report 12 potty accident-free days!  He’s also mastered getting on the couch by himself and eating an entire cardboard box.  Free intermission entertainment.

Whaaaaaaaaaa?

Whaaaaaaaaaa?

Crosby got the mumps

What’s most surprising is not that the mumps still circulate after the vaccine was introduced in 1967.  Apparently even with a booster, that vaccine is only 88% effective (not 87%), so this isn’t an old-timey thing or bad karma from anti-vaxxers.  It could happen to you.  No, the surprising thing is that it happened to Sid.  It mostly spreads through saliva, and so I thought, “STOP KISSING COREY PERRY!” (I’m kidding.  Shudder.)  As someone who got mono in high school from kissing precisely no one, I assure you this isn’t funny.

crosby

Really, I’m fine. Giggity.

The Penguins took some serious optimism supplements to let Crosby practice and do interviews looking as he did Friday. He was set to play in the weekend’s back-to-back games for a minute there.  He could have scored 10 goals because the other team refused to come near him.  They could have played “My Humps” as his goal song. (Sorry, but every time someone says “mumps,” I think it.)

Don't be creepy.

Don’t be creepy.

Then I read this Puck Daddy post on mumps and how gross the on-ice game of hockey is, aside from practices and sharing meals and being locked inside a pressurized petri dish flying from city to city.  Now I’m swabbing my entire office with Clorox wipes while wearing a surgical mask leftover from a 28 Days Later promotion.

Beau Bennett has also been tested for mumps. If Sid’ got it and Beau’s got it, you know Borts is either next or immune like Hagrid is to stunning spells because he’s got giant’s blood.

potter cake

Slava Voynov went to court

The Kings’ Slava Voynov has a very serious domestic violence charge against him, and the details of the alleged attack revealed in today’s preliminary hearing are awful [link].  He has plead not guilty and his wife requested he not be charged [link].  Voynov is on indefinite suspension from the NHL, including team activities – like practices, the violation of which cost the Kings $100k [link].

Tomas Vokoun retired

According the a report cited at NHL.com, Vokoun has decided to retire.  He was sidelined two seasons ago as a member of the Penguins with blood clots in his pelvis.  He also played for the Habs, Preds, Panthers and Caps, and always kind of reminded me of Jude Law.

vokoun

Winner of 300 NHL games

EDIT: Just as I thought there was nothing upbeat to post, it’s Tyler Seguin to the rescue.  In tights and with mistletoe hanging above his head, of course, so I don’t even need to make a joke about sitting on someone’s lap.

stars

All I Want for Christmas is you, and you. And maybe even that other guy.

Day 10 is a success.

Foxy Friday: Alex Wennberg

Sometimes when you post a Foxy Friday, you immediately get a text message saying you’re wrong. That there is one choice and one choice only, and that choice is clear.

People are so demanding.

wenn4

“What are the two house rules? Number One: No dating till you graduate. Number Two: No dating till you graduate.”

Foxy Friday: Alexander Wennberg

In defense of these texts, Alex is just about the only Swedish NHL player we haven’t featured.  Also, we have been in the market for a new intern.  Alex is 20 (skip that part), plays in the Blue Jackets organization and, well…

wenn3

“Well, now that you’ve seen “the plan”, I’m gonna go and show “the plan” to someone else.”

We don’t typically feature AHL players, but Alex was sent down to Springfield just last weekend and I don’t have a backup plan for this week’s post. Also he scored his first AHL point last night, so we’re breaking the rules this time.  And laws.

wenn1

“You are amazingly self-assured, has anyone ever told you that?”

Did I mention Alex is 20? You have the right to remain silent. I’ll be sending this post to my 17-year old niece, who loves boybands and styled hair (she’s a smart girl).  It should send her shrieking to a Springfield Falcons game.  She’s not allowed to accept a ride home though.

wenn7

“You’re not going out and getting jiggy with some guy, I don’t care how dope his ride is.”

I don’t care how v-neck some guy’s Euroshirt is.

"Can we, for two seconds, ignore the fact that you're severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy?"

“Can we, for two seconds, ignore the fact that you’re severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy?”

And none of this looking all innocent-yet-filth-rich, okay?

wenn6

“Damn, I was going for thoughtful.”

But I will allow Alex to rescind his selection of Justin Beiber over One Direction, because this was 2013 and I presume he’s come to his senses by now.

Old Britney all the way, though.

Follow Alex on Twitter @wenniss, or Google Image search him and enjoy the related result suggestions: Beau Bennett, Gabe Landeskog, Eric Gudbranson.  Happy Friday, our work here is done.

wenn2

“I happen to like being adored, thank you!”

Full video of the above interview is here.

Caption quotes from 10 Things I Hate About You, since I was thinking about high school. This movie is required viewing for our friendship, so if you haven’t seen it, I will give you my Netflix password.

Tyler Tuesday: Weapon of Mass Distraction

My appreciation of all things Tyler Seguin is not news to anyone who reads this blog or follows us on the twitter.

At first, my friends did not understand my love for #19/91.  They couldn’t see “it”.  But slowly, over time, their resolve weakened and they willingly joined me on the dark side.  I’ve welcomed my Seguinista Sisters with open arms – and a fiercely fashionable Jedi cape.

Yet there are still those that resisted, but now I have a new weapon at my disposal.

I am the Empire and www.tylerseguin.com is my Death Star.

I am the Empire and www.tylerseguin.com is my Death Star.

www.tylerseguin.com just launched this week and immediately became #1 on my internet search history.  Sure it has some frustrating typos ( it’s SPORTS Illustrated, not SPORT’S ), but I’m gonna let it slide because of photos like this.

tylerseguindotcom -cover

Bookmark This.

I’m starting a petition that any and all future photos of Tyler Seguin only be taken in black and white.  Black and white photography = classic, mysterious, artistic.  Black and white photography + Tyler Seguin…well then just turn this mutha out.

The design of the site is clean and minimalist, which I love, and the TS logo works (even if it does kinda reminds me of fire department shield).  But we all can agree that the major draw of this site is going to be its media gallery.

They keep photo photos like this one and we’re going to get along juuuuuust fine.

tylerseguindotcom-pic4

#face #arms #eyebrows #face

I did sign up for the TS Newsletter, natch, because I am serious hockey journalist.

Ahhh, who am I kidding?

tylerseguindotcom-pic3

“…like my deep, passionate love for a girl named Chuck.”

 

 

 

 

More Puppies, Please.

Another day of hockey players and rescue pets? Tuesday, I’ve never liked you so much.

Last year I had the Caps calendar, and it could be a front runner again this year.  Or I’ll get them all and do a wall display (and no work)!

caps

Remember when Alzer’s dogs ate his whole apartment?

You need a close up, I know.

caps2

I will not fancat.

What’s more perfect: tag team puppy kisses or Mike Green’s hair?  Be honest – it’s the hair. Sorry puppies! You are a close second. Meanwhile that cat is praying for strength.

Not to be missed: Tom Wilson’s hair and general Tom Wilson-ness.

caps4

Loves long walks in the park.

The dog’s saying, “Are you seeing this?  Is everyone looking?  His hand is on my knee.  I’m gonna faint.”

If only two puppies were enough to occupy John Carlson while someone runs by with a Flowbee.  Perhaps a quick trip to the groomer?

caps3

Chuck, I’ve been waiting for you all night by this fence.

The best part: today is Giving Tuesday, and 100% of proceeds from the Caps calendar go to Homeward Trails Animal Rescue!  Get yours here for $20, or tell me and I’ll buy you one at the game tonight.

The Bruins also know where it’s at, releasing their 2015 Pucks & Pups Calendar.  This behind-the-scenes video is heavy on the cute.

bruins2

I hate being a foregone conclusion.

If I have one objection, it’s that the Bruins calendar does not appear to feature a single Boston Terrier.  None.  The cutest dog on Earth shares your city’s namesake (and that of it’s greatest educational institution), but you’re saying none of your players want to hug one?  Inconceivable.

Chuck, make a call.

bruins1

I’m going to call this puppy “Mullett.”

The Bruins calendar benefits a host of charities, and you can get it for $20 at shop.NHL.com.

PUPPIES. Really.

Happy December, everyone! As we do annually at this time (see: 2013), we enlisted the help of Alison’s mom to take pictures of the Pens & Paws Calendar. How does it always arrive first?

sid

:: unintelligble gurgling ::

Video from the calendar shoot is here.

I am always very susceptible to puppy-related advertising, as evidenced by my love for the Oilers (PUPPIES!).  Just three weeks ago, Mr. Pants & I adopted a rescue catahoula/Aussie shepherd mix named Blue.  LOOK AT THIS FACE! I love him more than Canada loves hockey, let me tell you.

Blue

Yes, I made my dog an Instagram: blue.aussie.

Before 2015 arrives, order your Pens & Paws Calendar at www.animalrescue.org.  It’s a bargain at $20 for a year worth of adorableness!  Here are a few shots, courtesy of Heidi, to get you ordering and shipping and hanging this baby on your wall.

IMG_1591

Hug everything. Immediately.

IMG_2622

Look at the little dog’s tongue. It captions this whole post.

IMG_2619

The next Disney animated companion.

IMG_2616

BSutts brings a boyfriend shirt, dog and shovel to bury Alison’s body.

For you Hawks fans, Bryan Bickell and his wife Amanda have put together another fantastic offering from the Bick’s Pits pitbull rescue foundation. I still have their 2014 calendar up and it makes me smile every day.

The calendar is $25 here, and you can see some of their adoption love stories on Facebook.  There’s a video below, but you won’t get past the 4-second mark.

toews

The dog has a derpface. They are soulmates.

We have room for another dog, right?  A friend for Blue?  Just bring them all over, I’ll sleep in the car.

 

If your team did a calendar, send the info our way!  I think the Bruins did, we’ll leave that love to Chuck.

Foxy Friday: Liam O’Brien

Some Friday posts are hard work: weeding through photos, combing through Tumblrs and Twitters for pictures that demonstrate exactly what we’re trying to say about the week’s honoree.  Not today, friends.  Today was easy.

Foxy Friday: Liam O’Brien

lob7

Does this beard make my jawline look laser-cut?

Type “Liam O’Brien Capitals” into a Google search and one click gives you enough photos to fill a whole post.  (Er, don’t do that, because it’s exactly what I used here.)   It’s as if someone culled the best parts of former foxes and combined them to our exact specifications.  If you made me a Build-a-Bear for Christmas, this would be it.

  • Tall? 6’1.
  • Too young? Oh yeah. (He is 20 years old. I have sweaters older than this.)
  • Obvious boyband potential? Is there ever.
  • Beard? Check.
  • GINGERBEARD? All the checks.
  • He freaking wears #87 and is from Nova Scotia, people.
lob8

For the Maritimers

But the best thing about Liam isn’t on that list.  It’s in the feel-good, cry-at-the-end, Twizzler-straw-in-your-Coke, Disney sports movie plot that is his life right now.

lob1

Dressed to impress

Liam O’Brien was not drafted in June.  Not by any team, in any round. They all passed. While obviously they don’t have the same criteria as we do when selecting fantasy teams, I find this hard to believe.  But it does happen (Chris Kunitz, anyone?) and only once in a great while does it turn into something you read about months later in hockey press across North America.

lob6

Section 12, Part B says he must keep the beard.

When Liam got invited to Caps’ camps this fall, he came to play.  The new coach and management were so impressed that a month later, they signed O’Brien to a three-year rookie contract.  Not bad to hit $550,000/season with a stroke of the pen.  On October 9, the kid from Halifax made his NHL debut in Montreal, in front of as many family and friends as could make it.  The press?  They were all over it.  Did he do interviews in French?  Of course he did, because this post writes itself.

lob

All I can think is “Je Suis une Pizza” from middle school French class

Three games later, Liam punctuated a scrum in San Jose by saying this to 6 foot, 8 inch John Scott:

French is great but Liam is fluent in our favorite language: sass.

On October 26 vs. Vancouver, Liam scored.  I fumbled the dish I was washing and ran back into the living room.  Joe B. and Locker confirmed what I thought I’d heard: Inside of a month, Liam O’Brien had 1) signed a contact, 2) made the NHL, 3) scored his first goal. If you’re not rooting for this guy, you’re doing it wrong.

lob5

Awkward puck hold, never thought to practice this.

Last week I got to meet Liam at a work event, and can attend he is this great in real life.  You can see (hopefully) a lot more of him throughout EPIX Presents Road To The NHL Winter Classic™, the series beginning December 16 that will follow the Caps and Hawks to the Winter Classic.  The best part?  You don’t need HBO to watch it!  You can stream it live from either team’s website, plus Epix.com, NHL.com, their Facebook pages or mobile apps.  That is Liam’s gingerbeard at home, at work, on the bus, at the gym… see, I told you think was custom-made for us.

lob4

Watch early, watch often

Follow Liam at @ob61, donate to Movember here.  And have a Happy Friday!

lob9

Gingerstache? Is that a thing?

Tyler Thursday: Beards and Tats

I know it is not Tuesday but it’s still a day that starts with T, so this post will totally work.

If you know anything about me, but know that I love beards and I love tattoos.   Each one on their own is fantastic, but together?

Best Kind of Sandwich

Now go in and add hockey to the mix….

O.M.G.

Perfection.  And thy name is Tyler Seguin.

#Beard

#Tats

As if that wasn’t enough, Seguin is tearing it up right now, leading the NHL in goals with 14 and third in overall points with 24.  At the rate he is going, he might just win the scoring title for the Stars.

But guess who is hot on his heels?

#Lumbersexual

Beard? Check.  Tats? Not sure.

But I gladly volunteer to find out.


Are you also into beards and tats? Check out @beardsandtats. It’s a personal fave.