What's Up, Ya Sieve

Sundays should be easy.  Could someone please inform my hockey teams?

Penguins 2, Flyers 1 – OT

The past two seasons, the Flyers have ended big win streaks for the Pens.  Not last night!!  It took a while, until Crosby PPGed so hard he almost fell over.  He is a little back-heavy, after all.

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Not for nothing, Sid got all these points without even brushing his hair.

Then everyone including Tyler Kennedy couldn’t believe that Tyler Kennedy scored the OT game-winning goal.  Penguins win streak extended to 12 games!

Let’s love on Matt Niskanen for a minute.  First of all, his middle name is Norman.  It makes me think of the calf from City Slickers every time:

“Seat belts, Norman! Seat belts!”

Secondly, he’s been aces lately.  Check out last night’s highlights [video] –  the puck-drag  around the shot block at 1:34, then the behind-the-back to TK for the winner!  Nisky had the game-winner last week vs. Washington, giving him 4 goals in 25 games. Last year he scored 4 in 75.  He needs a haircut something awful, but look at that smile:

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Also, last night… Capitals 3, Rangers 2 – SO

WELCOME BACK, PIGLET!  At least we hope so.  Mid-last week, Nicky Backstrom had only 3 goals on the year.  THREE GOALS?

Yes. Horrifying.

But last night, NB19 scored the Caps’ first and last goals – the second being the 4th round shootout winner.

So while the bonus goal won’t count toward the season total, we know it happened.  That’s 3 goals and 3 assists in 3 games!  Give us the return of this face and the Caps could give the playoffs a run for their money after all.

I will also grudgingly point out that Ovechkin has 6 goals in 5 straight games.  The Caps have won 4 of those.  Maybe (maybe, maybe) he CAN lead this team, at least on the scoreboard.

There’s no way out for the Caps without Ovi and Backstrom and no more time to wait.  They jumped 3 spots in the standings this weekend, and are now 2 points out of 8th place.  They host the Islanders, Sabres and Flyers this week – all teams just below them in the East.

Please let this elevator keep going up.

Side note: If you’re not following Ovi’s fiancée Maria Kirilenko (@mkirilenko), you are missing the most excited Caps-related Tweets out there.  She might even be enough to make me like him.

You may recall I once insisted Bauer was falsely advertising their “base layer” collection by featuring all hockey players and no underwear.

They didn’t quite hear me, but they may have understood some of my International Sign language.

That’s right.  My hair-tossing and reasonable facsimile of the Kid N’ Play dance meant please do this:

What’s that?  I’m a nuclear physicist and you need to record my voice to bypass security a break into a missle silo?

You’d better hope the passcode is a bunch of four-letter words and gasping.

Of course, an agent always gets his girl.  And his girl ends up dead, covered in gold and rolled in a hammock in Antigua.

Eh, probably worth it.

There was never a shortage of Bond girls or bad jokes.  Get it – Bauer VAPOR?  Because these were all shot with the humidifier set to stun?  And all my powder compacts are really remote detonators and lock picking sets.

Better hurry up, the shiny villain-type is coming.

Then the money(penny) shot.   They’re thinking: JAMES BOND.

I’m thinking: BOYBAND.

Worked Westlife into a post, complete with Bry(i)an.  Maybe I am a physicist.

Closer, Bauer.  You’re getting closer.  No pressure, but when other athletes model… well, I’m not even sure what they’re selling, but I’ll buy it.

Maybe that’s what happens on 4.18 when…

If there’s one thing I like more than hockey, it’s food.  Last night the Capitals Fan Appreciation Night had free hockey AND free food.

So of course we were in the front row.

Rockin’ the Red with Rae and Pam

For this…

BAM!  No beard.  Hallelujah and also merci.  I’ll give you the hair, Greener, if you save the beard for the playoffs.

BTdubs, these were not taken with a zoom.  Where’s Harry Potter when you need him to “accidentally” make some glass disappear?

Then we could have taken care of this Caps second biggest grooming issue:

“You don’t like my flow?”

Other highlights included Nicky getting pissed because you said he looked like a woman in his roster photo:

But he had the fair Swedish curls going, so you took it all back.

Meet our new favorite Capital, Joey Crabb.  It’s a little unfair how much comic relief this team has.

Ovi told Elliot that his all-time favorite NHL player is Dale Hunter.  Oooh, burn.

Don’t get all funny and witty now, Alex.  I still don’t like you.

It was nice to see the familiar face of Tom Poti, BU alum and Caps defenseman who hasn’t played in two calendar years due to various injuries.  He may be in the lineup for Saturday’s season opener.

Neuvy and Holtby, our illustrious goaltending duo (Rae loves goalies):

At the end of the practice a few players answered fan questions.  Someone asked Matt Hendricks for his favorite Gangnam Style dance move – but Fehr claimed he didn’t know it.  IMPOSSIBLE, I say.

Luckily Troy Brouwer bailed him out:

We died.  The crowd died.  Completely overloaded with traffic, Twitter briefly changed it’s “overloaded” screen to a picture to that lasso move instead of the birds lifting a whale. Here’s the video.  TB20 really went for it, loved it long time, and will now be invited to every wedding in DC this year.

Here’s our view, complete with Rae and I screaming:

What do you think, Mike?

Amen, buddy.  Overall, a great night.  I couldn’t be more excited for hockey.

Meanwhile in Russia, guess who remains perfect and is scoring a lot of points?

Of course it’s Piglet.  He looks pretty fond of Ms. Pink Recorder-And-Mani combo too.  Or maybe he’s just happy with himself for having 5 goals and 5 assists in his last 4 games for Dynamo Moscow.

This, this, a thousand times this. [and as a gif]

Backstrom had two goals yesterday, including the one below.  Please note that I will pirate the dance showcased at the :32 mark as my own future Nicky goal celebration, if they Caps ever unbreak my heart.

Last week, Nick had a hatty.  Karaoke your own commentary on this one.

Ovi has a recent OT GWG and 3 assists, for a total of 19 points in 18 games, and Dynamo holds the overall KHL lead.

You can very helpfully follow @KHL_Hockey for English-language updates on all the teams, and they’ve got a full English website too – en.khl.ru.  My goodness, a hockey league that seems to appreciate their fans. What will they think of next?

BINGO - Viktor Stalberg has left the Swedish Elite League to play for KHL’s Atlant Moscow [link] - @HCAtlant.  And the team is Tweeting like, well, we would if he turned up at our office.

Yes, even in that hat.

Definitely a part of our interview process:

He’ll make his debut today vs. Jakoub Voracek’s team Lev Praha (Czech Republic).  If I see a link to the live stream, I’ll Tweet it.

Tampa Bay’s Victor Hedman, who is not photographed often enough, assisted on all three goals for Barys Astana in their most recentwin.  He also apparently gets mistaken for Tom Brady in the US [link].  We can kinda see it.

And just because it exists, here are 9 1/2 minutes of Gabe speaking Swedish (where he’s playing).  The Swedes must reinforce their electronics because this shit would melt my flat-screen right off the wall.

This went beyond just hair-pulling ...

I don’t hate fighting as much as some other people. What I dislike is hypocrisy. Philly has never made any apologies for who they are. What shocked me was  Matt Cooke managed to stayed out of the fray.

Pittsburgh needs to decide quickly if they are going to play as a team to stay in the play-offs or protect Sidney Crosby from injury because they can’t do both.

But other than that, to lighten the mood there used to be someone who did Hockey Cats. So to continue the tradition, here is the weekend in hockey cats photos:

Mittens likes to live on the edge ... it's better than the tea-cup ride in Disneyland!

big Orange made a horrible goalie

Hey there handsome! yes, I embarrassed you in front of your team, that was me

Ok, I’m starting this off with I don’t hate the Vancouver Canucks. I just happen to LOVE the LA KINGS – even more so after seeing them last night. Look at the play-off beard!

do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Mr. Canuck fan? no wonder you're with another dude at this game!

F%ck you camera man! Telling me I suck. I made it on the Jumbotron anyway! so suck it ... we won too!

The one question I kept getting asked last night was – Why do you like the LA KINGS? Really? I saw Mr. Cherrie hold his breath hoping against all hope I wasn’t going to say something snarky so I waited until now: (our two little friends above the exit sign where AWESOME!) HI!

1. LA has a real goal tender – Quick doesn’t cry either!

Koppie tried flipping me a puck during warm up! totes love for you.

2. LA has Kopitar who can stick handle in a phone booth and I believe is about to cut loose because he is certainly due

He's all class and no sass!

3. LA has Dustin Brown with 2 shorties on them in their barn

Capt. Downtown Brown was trying not to laugh at my sign. Quick had a giggle too along with the rest of the team giving Doughty shit.

4. LA has Jeff Carter and Mike Richards now
5. LA has Drew Doughty (of course)

Drew also tried to flip me a puck during warm-ups!

Any questions? Didn’t think so.

This was totally staged for my pleasure because they were all laughing and trying not to look at me. Hello -Paging Kings Fan of One.

See ... they started laughing and 22 (Trevor Lewis) is a stone cold FOX

But I would like to give a shout out and a thanks to the gracious Canucks fans who let me stand in front of them during the warm-ups so I could watch. They were very nice about it and I truly appreciated it.

No other horror movie celebrates Hockey with such bad assery!

No, not the floating head of death again!

And Seidenberg tried to take Ovi out with this hit but he found that weebles wobble but they don’t fall down! If Ovi can knock Jagr into next year at the Olympics, you’ll have to try harder Siddy-bergy than this:

As for it being FRIDAY THE 13th – I know we ran this before, but there is no such thing in my world as too much Kris Letang so for your FRIDAY THE 13th MOMENT OF ZEN:

Dawn, Ovi - sorry for the bad season. I do better in play-offs. I promise. BOOM! hahahahahahah

Hockey fans will tell you straight up when something stinks.

I get TPTB wanted to include the fans but thank god we bascially got a bastard child of HISTORY WILL BE MADE! I don’t want to see faux Hollywood replicas of what they think we are doing in our homes/bars/favorites hockey watching spots. Trust me – WE KNOW. And it wasn’t what they were showing us.

I want to see Ovi telling me what he’s GOING to do in the play-offs.

Dear NHL - stilling waiting for Letang's solo "Because of the Cup" ad. Statistically speaking - Pens can win without St. Sid but not with out #58. Just sayin'

I want to see Kris Letang brush his sexy hair out of his face and smile at me as he skates at the screen.

I want to see Erik Karlsson and his glorious mullet, all awkward and sh&t.

Dear little man, may you win the Norris if Kris Letang (a complete dark horse but I wish would win) doesn't.

 Hell, I’d even take Jagr saluting me! (not quite but see below for you hard core philly fans – bless you all!)

You've grown on me like a fungus but you make me laugh - which is hard to do!

I simply have to vent this and get it off my, ah, proverbial chest ladies. As the resident Ovi fan and Captials fan, I know this will come as shock, but I AM SO MAD AT HIM, at them, at the WORLD and have been for some time and I just have to say and get it out.

An open letter to Mr. Leonsis,

I say this with as a fan of Alexander Ovechkin, first and foremost, and then of hockey.  When you fired Bruce Boudreau, a little piece of me died because no matter how the mainstream media spun it, we all know that it was because of player issues – e.g. Ovechkin.

Boudreau is a great coach. He will probably be the best coach you will ever have. He was not the problem. We all know “What the problem is with the Washington Capitals.” The real question is what is going to be done about it?

For five years I’ve watched Ovechkin go from a great player to a player with a great attitude. It pains me to say that but having been an athlete myself on a team, and a captain as well; you have to lead by example.  

I had hoped Mr. Leonsis would have bucked the system and shook things up by NOT firing Boudreau, showing some loyalty, having some balls, and fixing the real problem. If he had, his team may have actually had a shot at the play-offs. Sometimes the Alpha dog needs a good swat to the nutsack to get back in line and lead the pack.

But as it stands, the fans have watched Boudreau excel in Anaheim, their beloved team implode under the tutelage of Dale Hunter’s mess and Ovi still stands around on defense, stands around on offense, waits for his teammates to pass the puck to him and still misses it when they do. His attitude that he has to do it all has got to stop because guess what? He can’t, he certainly doesn’t and there are guys out there who can and are doing it better now.

He still has time on his contract where he can be traded. Perhaps before you fired Boudreau you should have used that bargaining chip to get your Alpha dog back in line. Now he’s the Rick Nash of the East Coast. No one will want that bad golden apple, no matter how good it might taste. He’s still too costly, you don’t know how he’ll perform and there still might be a worm in there somewhere. It’s not an imponderable conundrum. It’s just a conundrum.

FIX IT. PLEASE.

 Missing BB,

DC

The emotional roller coaster that is the Washington Capitals delivered another Ovechkin overtime winner last night.  They should give out blood pressure medication with programs.

As I said after the Islanders games, we’ll take the point(s).  But the 60 minutes of sloppy, uneven play and constant turnovers it took to get there are infuriating.  When the Caps win, it’s luck – lucky that the other team didn’t beat you to it (like Carolina) because you certainly gave them enough chances.

Washington had three shots in the 2nd period.  Three!  On a goalie making his NHL debut!  The 3rd period was stronger – the Caps held the Bolts to just three shots and John Carlson played some of the best shifts I’ve ever seen from him.  The effort was buoyed by the same combination of the Loud Goat pleading and Unleashing the Fury  at exactly the right time.  Fired up?  HELL YES.  But why does it always take 52 minutes for the Caps to get that way?

Aucoin - 2 goals in 12 games. Knuble - 3 goals in 53 games.

Speaking of 52… from our seats in the Verizon Center, we saw Mike Green double-up on this hit to Brent Connolly.  We could not see his elbow and there was no replay or penalty, so we had no idea Mike was misbehaving.  What did people do before Twitter?

This is really what the Caps need with back-to-back games this weekend.  Do you want to see Hamrlik and Schultz as a defense pairing?  Are the Caps worried that we’ll be bored if they win before overtime?

While I’m at it, Semin is a disaster - and on this team right now it’s tough to stand out for that.  The six year old kid who played in the intermission Mites on Ice game looked a lot like Sasha Fierce, except that he had a goal.  Maybe we could throw a 28 on him and no one would notice… until he scores.

The Caps play Boston (Sat), Toronto (Sun), NYI (Tues) and Winnpeg (Fri) this week.  People have been saying “must win” for weeks now – Washington is running out of time to prove them wrong.