Maybe I got a little too excited about Stamkos yesterday, because Camp Biosteel’s Day 2 video is the Tyler Seguin Show.
For the record, I’m not complaining.
But where is Marshall? I was promised a puppy.
Oh jeez. Okay. Fair trade.
Stop. I surrender.
Sorry to Segs, but he’s not the true highlight of this video.
Behold the exact photo definition of WUYS:
AMIRIGHT?
There’s hockey, a hot guy who plays hockey, some form of exercise and a damsel in cardiac distress over the entire tableau.
This picture says a thousand words and most of them are “UNF.”
I don’t know why it’s happening, but I guarantee this girl had no idea it would happen to her . A close proximity shirtless push-up from Biznasty is not a ‘messy bun’ occasion. She’d much rather faint in stiletto cage sandals and a sparkly dress. Happens to us all the time.
Shameless. Hallelujah.
Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Behold Stammer’s secret message inviting me over for movie night, where I get to eat all the ketchup chips since he can’t do that during training camp.
We’ll obviously watch Attack the Block, because he knows I love that movie.
And he knows how we much we appreciate this look. I’m giving him the tag #shorthairdontcare this season.
Still no James Neal. There is one shot of Intern Jeff Skinner – the equivalent of a note from his coach about why he’s not here to get me a candy bar. I’m heartened by all these guys training hard because they obviously intend to start playing any day now, and keep doing so all season. No lockout. No excuses.
Did everyone enjoy the Nickelback Convention last night? The Awkard Turtle Unfunny Comedy Tour?
There were a few bright spots, like Will Arnett. Especially when he shanabanned Ovi for blocking Brooks Laich’s parking spot and sentencing him to ride on the back of Mike Green’s scooter.
WHY CAN’T THIS BE REAL LIFE?
While peering between our fingers at the anguish of embarrassment onstage, we of course noted how well-dressed and handsome most of the NHL looked. After months of beards that would get a guy double-frisked at the airport, it’s a reminder that hockey players clean up pretty nicely. Here are some of our favorite fashion moves:
THE PLAID
If you Google “Giroux plaid suit,” three of the top six results are from this blog. No joke. That’s 42% – the same percentage of Claude Giroux‘s clothes that are plaid. Coincidence? He wore this to Media Day:
One plaid is not enough.
Of course, the plaid-tasticness on display at the Awards ceremony, where Claude was announced as the EA Sports NHL13 cover winner. He said, “I’m not sure I’m a model.” Only because celebs don’t get photographed wearing the same clothes every damned day.
Claude did bring something new to the show – BizNasty. This was my favorite moment of the Red Carpet because all three of them were thinking the same thing (as the rest of us): Sex tape.
THE VEST
This is by far our favorite fashion trend. Adam Henrique has been wearing this three-piece suit for weeks now – hey, he had to do a lot of playoff pressers. Here’s hoping he’s got a whole closet full of them. The purple tie/lavender shirt combo is trending without being obnoxious. While he didn’t win the Calder, he still looks like a Major Award.
The last time Steven Stamkos won a Rocket Richard Trophy, he wore a shiny silver suit. It was okay if you really like Ben Stiller’s character from Dodgeball, but Stammer also had to stand next to Crosby the whole time. This year, he knew just how to hog the spotlight:
I missed the part where he dipped Cheryl Burke to the floor and blushed like a bride. (Chuck did not. It was swoon-inducing.) Probably a good thing, I can only handle so much Stamkos smiling. Erin Andrews approves:
THE SKINNY TIE
Tuesday, Gabriel Landeskog joked about wearing a bow tie to the Awards. It would have been nice knowing you, melted interwebs.
Alas, Gabe chose this hipster skinny tie and while it is just a tad too short, you can’t even be disappointed with the way he looks.
Gabe the Babe
Landeskog dedicated his Calder Trophy win to his grandfather, making us all cry. So many emotions and landeskoging – good thing we’re already teenage girls on the inside. [video] Also, Charlie Conway/Pacey Whitter presented the award. Time to break out the Cruel Intentions DVD, we think.
THE NO-TIE
We know Evgeni Malkin loves the casual look, from his parade of questionable t-shirts. But Geno brought his A-game to the Awards, sporting the open-collar, “I could be in the Mafia” look to pick up all his awards - the Lindsay, Hart and Art Ross Trophies, as well as our special award for being the Most Adorable Panda.
If this doesn’t make you squee, check your emotion chip because your android brain is malfunctioning.
THE F-BOMB
Oh, come on! We all said it when we saw Henrik Lundqvist. So what if he dropped it on TV, it’s not like you were on NBC or anything. They should make him a special edition Vezina Trophy that’s just a mirror. A big one.
THE MAYBE NEXT YEAR
Apparently it takes a few days for a $45.5 million check to clear, or Erik Karlssonwould have had a new suit. We’ll give him a pass because winning the Norris Trophy at 22 is kind of a big deal. However we suggest this hot-pink-and-black look be reserved for a cool pair of custom sneakers or an ironic prom. It’s too shiny. The pants were bordering on high-waters. That shirt burns our irises.
Also, the Uncle Rico mustache has to go. Call us in September before NHL Media Day, please.
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
ADDITION: ACK! I was expecting Chuck to add Bergeron and I forgot to remind her! Patrice and his Selke Award were equally flawless last night… and holy cow, his girlfriend is a fox too. *Sigh* Some people have all the luck. He is beyond classy.
Did we miss anyone? We were a little busy planning our outfits for this shitshow next year, because there is no excuse to stay home.
Missing it this year was a turrible awful mistake on our parts. It will never happen again. Maybe Karlsson should keep the pink shirt so I can point and laugh while Mike Green carries away the Norris… okay, I’m getting delusional.
You guys are a crack squad of awesome. This week is like a TV show where you’re all CSI and solving the case of who can send us the best photo. The @BioSteelSports Camp posted this one from the summer – imagine how many more they have? Don’t make us break in there, guys. It’s bad enough someone’s going to have to scrape Gator off the floor now.
@melfiore makes a bid for first place
If you watch The Amazing Race you know that hay bail rolling comes in handy sometimes. They should make a Canadian version, like Battle of the Blades, and Stamkos can be my partner. I’m bad with directions and can’t drive stick shift, but I bet Steven can do those too. I’ll just carry the granola bars and read instructions.
I also found this, which makes me want to join the Army. Team Biz would win the Race and be a crowd favorite. You’d be invited back for All-Stars or Survivor, which has a lot more shirtless tanning and sharing tents. Any takers?
A bunch of you sent us this link and I’m so sorry that I’m slow in posting. I was laugh-crying so hard I couldn’t type.
Some gems from this fantastic game show:
Most Uncomfortable: Intern Jeff Skinner’s “short shifts” apparently translate off the ice. Is he old enough to be making these jokes?
Best Admission of Guilt: “This is awkward.” – Intern Jeff Skinner
Good Will Hunting Award: Tyler Seguin’s fractions – 4.2, 4.3
Best Time to Cheat: “A lot of women watch this.” – Cabbie to Seguin as he grades his own ‘stick handling’
Best Answer That Isn’t Cheating: “Soft mitts off the ice.” – Stammer gives himself a 5 for ‘stick handling’
But the best best best overall part of this video? James Neal & Steven Stamkos LOVE each other. Intern Jeff Skinner really knows how to keep his job around here.
Dear Cabbie, please host the NHL Awards. Dear NHL, you know I’m right.
So Pants tweeted about this too and evidently she wasn’t the only one to call Ovi out on his meniacal twitter laughter. But it was accompanied by this:
Coming from a man whose twitter photo is posing with Tony the Tiger? Really? I’m sure this will be settled on the ice. Oh, if Biz ever get’s any ice time.
Okay, they earned it. Videos and photos and… thank heaven for this week. And for Alyonka Larionov (person I am most jealous of in the world!)’s Twitter photos. Who said something about Seguin wearing the heck out of a suit? Did you ask for a t-shirt?
That sound you hear is Chuck's lifeless body hitting the floor.
And Stamkos showing off (approved):
There's a "throw me up against the wall" joke here...
I obliged Intern Jeff Skinner and did a single pull-up at the gym yesterday. Almost popped my shoulders out. I can plank and run and lift… but not like this. I get woozy just thinking about it. Not enough BioSteel in the world to get me through 1/10th of what these guys do.
Impressed yet?
He doesn't even look tired.
What you really want is video of Biz doing yoga in his unders. You got it.
And hey, look who got 10 seconds of camera time?
Frankly, this is not enough.
So that’s Foxy Friday – the boys working it out because they can’t wait to get back together with you. Now if this hurricane really takes us all out, at least you saw Biz in his skivvies.
The BioSteel sports camp is this week in Toronto and Biz Tweeted this photo of his lucky locker room assignment:
@BizNasty2point0 - The @BioSteelSports camp all this week in Toronto. Don't worry Lightning fans, Stamkos is in good hands.
We suggest you lock up your daughters bloggers.
If you’re wondering how Stammer’s off-season project of impersonating Nicky Backstrom is going, here’s an update on his hair and the upcoming season [video].
Are those moccasins on a scooter, Biz? Is this a dig at Mike Green? I doubt it, because you’re hilarious and we freaking love you. So you’d better not be making fun, since I know where your team stays and I don’t do Wolverine-haired emo slapfights. I will take off my earrings and my Lee Press-On Nails and we will go. (Mike Rupp, you are excused from this argument due to elf costume power.)
Sorry, I got all defensive. Somebody has to stick up for him and it’s not gonna be Nicky! Mike is probably thrilled to think he started a trend. The Fourth Period has a big feature on Biz [link] being Biz: looking swag, chilling with a Playmate… damn it feels good to be a gangsta.
Pants
Chuck
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