What's Up, Ya Sieve

Last night, Bruins beat the Jets in a shoot-out.

Awesome.

Top line of Tyler Seguin, Patrice Bergeron, and Brad Marchand looks great, especially the Squirrel, who was all over the ice, collecting up all those acorns.

That’s cool.

Tuukka Rask played well and looked sharp in the shoot out.

Word.

But, people, not all was well.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! Do I see stitches on Patrice Bergeron’s face?  STITCHES?!?!

I weep.

What horrible person had dared to mar his perfect face with these Frankenstein stitches?

If I find them, we will have words.

It really should be a crime against humanity.  It’s like going to Florence and shooting paintballs at the statue of David.

Hopefully, Bergeron will heal quickly, his plastic surgeon can work his magic, and we can all get back to this.

Moving on….

I know we are only two games into the season, but so far the Bruins have looked strong.  In addition to the Bergeron line, the 2nd like of David Krejci, Milan Lucic, and Nathan Horton has also played well.

Additionally, the Bruins’ 3rd and 4th lines have done their part.  It is important not to underestimate the importance of those other lines in the overall success of your team. They are the guys that go up against the other teams’ top players. They are the ones that muck and grind and create opportunities to put more points on the board.

Bruins have just about the best 3rd and 4th lines that you want – Chris Kelly, Danny Paille, Rich Peverely, Shawn Thornton, Greg Campbell, Chris Bourque.

Side note: I got to see all the Bruins, in their glory, in person on Saturday when I was at the Bruins home opener vs the Rangers.  I was able to secure tickets through a friend and then as an added bonus, I was able to gain access to a suite thanks to my new hockey friend, Mike.

My happy place.

I will admit that when Rick Nash was on the ice, my attention was diverted but can you honestly blame me?  It was the first time that I’d seen him play live ever so I just had to look.   ( And in case you were wondering – yes, he looks like a beast out there.  But oh so silky smoove on his skates. )

Bruins won that match up.  Lucic, Paille, and the birthday boy Johnny Boychuk scored. Shawn Thornton fought Mike Rupp. Literally three seconds later, Greg Campbell dropped the gloves. Bruins face off tomorrow against the Rangers at MSG.

Shout out to Steve at Adaptive for letting me hang in the suite and take in all the action.  Hello to all the nice people I met, too – Cathy, Jackie, Pat, and Ryan. Hope to see you at a game soon!

For those Bruins fans out there, click here for a video of Saturday’s player introductions.

While the NHL Awards are far from and probably never will be perfect, there are a few things that they get right.

Take last night for instance.

Last night, Patrice Bergeron FINALLY won the Frank J. Selke Trophy.

All is right in the hockey universe.

If you read this blog, or follow our twitter, or just know me a little bit at all, it’s no secret that I love me some Patrice Bergeron.  He is far and away my favorite player on the Bruins and probably in the entire league.

Everything about him is class. From the way he plays, to the way he conducts himself, to the way he dresses, to the permabeard.

Even his acceptance speech was classy.  (Good move, btw, on not forgetting to mention your girlfriend.  Or your teammates.)

You should have seen me in my apartment last night – seal clapping and cheering when that guy from “Entourage” called his name.  Bergeron has played like Selke winner each and every season since joining the Bruins as an 18-year-old in 2003, so it was about time that he was honored with the trophy.

Bob Gainey has won the award 4 times, the most of any player.

Let’s hope that this is the first of many more to come for #37.

About the Selke Trophy
The Frank J. Selke Trophy is awarded annually to a NHL forward who demonstrates the most skill in the defensive component of the game, as selected by the Hockey Writers’ Association.  It has been awarded 33 times to 21 different players since the 1977-78 season.

Did everyone enjoy the Nickelback Convention last night?  The Awkard Turtle Unfunny Comedy Tour?

There were a few bright spots, like Will Arnett.  Especially when he shanabanned Ovi for blocking Brooks Laich’s parking spot and sentencing him to ride on the back of Mike Green’s scooter.

WHY CAN’T THIS BE REAL LIFE?

While peering between our fingers at the anguish of embarrassment onstage, we of course noted how well-dressed and handsome most of the NHL looked.  After months of beards that would get a guy double-frisked at the airport, it’s a reminder that hockey players clean up pretty nicely.  Here are some of our favorite fashion moves:

THE PLAID

If you Google “Giroux plaid suit,” three of the top six results are from this blog. No joke.  That’s 42% – the same percentage of Claude Giroux‘s clothes that are plaid.  Coincidence?  He wore this to Media Day:

One plaid is not enough.

Of course, the plaid-tasticness on display at the Awards ceremony, where Claude was announced as the EA Sports NHL13 cover winner.  He said, “I’m not sure I’m a model.”  Only because celebs don’t get photographed wearing the same clothes every damned day.

Claude did bring something new to the show – BizNasty.  This was my favorite moment of the Red Carpet because all three of them were thinking the same thing (as the rest of us): Sex tape.

THE VEST

This is by far our favorite fashion trend.  Adam Henrique has been wearing this three-piece suit for weeks now – hey, he had to do a lot of playoff pressers.  Here’s hoping he’s got a whole closet full of them.  The purple tie/lavender shirt combo is trending without being obnoxious.  While he didn’t win the Calder, he still looks like a Major Award.

The last time Steven Stamkos won a Rocket Richard Trophy, he wore a shiny silver suit.  It was okay if you really like Ben Stiller’s character from Dodgeball, but Stammer also had to stand next to Crosby the whole time.  This year, he knew just how to hog the spotlight:

I missed the part where he dipped Cheryl Burke to the floor and blushed like a bride. (Chuck did not.  It was swoon-inducing.)  Probably a good thing, I can only handle so much Stamkos smiling.  Erin Andrews approves:

THE SKINNY TIE

Tuesday, Gabriel Landeskog joked about wearing a bow tie to the Awards.  It would have been nice knowing you, melted interwebs.

Alas, Gabe chose this hipster skinny tie and while it is just a tad too short, you can’t even be disappointed with the way he looks.

Gabe the Babe

Landeskog dedicated his Calder Trophy win to his grandfather, making us all cry.  So many emotions and landeskoging – good thing we’re already teenage girls on the inside. [video] Also, Charlie Conway/Pacey Whitter presented the award.  Time to break out the Cruel Intentions DVD, we think.

THE NO-TIE

We know Evgeni Malkin loves the casual look, from his parade of questionable t-shirts.  But Geno brought his A-game to the Awards, sporting the open-collar, “I could be in the Mafia” look to pick up all his awards - the Lindsay, Hart and Art Ross Trophies, as well as our special award for being the Most Adorable Panda.

If this doesn’t make you squee, check your emotion chip because your android brain is malfunctioning.

THE F-BOMB

Oh, come on!  We all said it when we saw Henrik Lundqvist.  So what if he dropped it on TV, it’s not like you were on NBC or anything.    They should make him a special edition Vezina Trophy that’s just a mirror.  A big one.

THE MAYBE NEXT YEAR

Apparently it takes a few days for a $45.5 million check to clear, or Erik Karlsson would have had a new suit.  We’ll give him a pass because winning the Norris Trophy at 22 is kind of a big deal.  However we suggest this hot-pink-and-black look be reserved for a cool pair of custom sneakers or an ironic prom.  It’s too shiny.  The pants were bordering on high-waters.  That shirt burns our irises.

Also, the Uncle Rico mustache has to go.  Call us in September before NHL Media Day, please.

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

ADDITION: ACK! I was expecting Chuck to add Bergeron and I forgot to remind her!  Patrice and his Selke Award were equally flawless last night… and holy cow, his girlfriend is a fox too.  *Sigh*  Some people have all the luck.  He is beyond classy.

Did we miss anyone?  We were a little busy planning our outfits for this shitshow next year, because there is no excuse to stay home.

Missing it this year was a turrible awful mistake on our parts.  It will never happen again.  Maybe Karlsson should keep the pink shirt so I can point and laugh while Mike Green carries away the Norris… okay, I’m getting delusional.

Back to looking at stilettos…

Tonight’s the night.

NHL Awards in Las Vegas!

Bring on the attractive hockey players in impeccably fitted suits.  Bring on the awkward (and hilarious) red carpet interviews.   Bring on the D-list celebrities who can’t pronounce the winner’s name (Martin St. Lewis!).

Here’s who we think is going to bring on the hardware…

Hart (Lundqvist/Malkin/Stamkos)

Should: Chuck says Lundqvist. Pants says Malkin.
Will: Chuck says Lundqvist. Pants says Malkin.

Split decision on this one. King Henrik kept the Rangers at first in the East pretty much all season – without so much as a hair out of place. But the day there is no room for Comeback Crosby on the Pens’ first line is the day Malkin deserves the Hart.

Vezina: (Lundqvist/Rinne/Quick)

Should: Quick
Will: Quick

A league-high 10 shutouts saved the Kings’ 29th ranked offense. Plus, he’s already got the Conn Smythe Trophy and a Stanley Cup, so what’s one more?

*harumph* *crosses arms*

Norris (Chara/Karlsson/Weber)

Should: Chara
Will: Chara

We’re going to have the give this one to Chara. Because you won’t like him when he’s angry. CHARA SMASH!

Calder (Henrique/Landeskog/Nugent-Hopkins)

Should: Landeskog
Will: Nugent-Hopkins

No doubt The Nuge was the more electric rookie this season, but we’re big fans of Gabe the Babe. The potential for Landeskoging tips the scales here.

Lady Byng (Brian Campbell/Eberle/Moulson)

Should: Campbell
Will: Campbell

No defenseman has won in over fifty years – it’s time!  Campbell’s 6 PIM in 82 games would be enough – but he also doubled last season’s production, notching 53 points from the blue line.

Selke (Backes/Bergeron/Datsyuk)

Should: Bergeron
Will: Bergeron

His season was full of Selke-worthy numbers and stats (like winning 53% of faceoffs when shorthanded) so we’re rooting for the highly-underrated Bergeron to be the first Bruin to take home the trophy since 1982.

Adams (Hitchcock/MacLean/Tortorella)

Should: Hitchcock
Will: Hitchcock

In November, the Blues were not good. Enter Ken Hitchcock. They got good. Although their playoff run ended early, Hitchcock managed to change the culture of the Blues and help position the franchise as a team to be watched.

Masterton (Alfredsson/Lupul/Pacioretty)

Should: Lupul
Will: Alfredsson

We admire Alfredsson’s seniority and dedication to the Sens, but Lupul’s comeback from a spinal cord contusion and life-threatening blood infection only to be dropped by the Ducks then put up career best numbers in struggling Toronto?  Our hero.

Lindsay — Player MVP (Lundqvist/Malkin/Stamkos)

Should: Malkin
Will: Malkin

Malkin does it all – including make his teammates better players. Everybody wants to be on that line.

GM of the Year: (Doug Armstrong/David Poile/Dale Tallon)

Should: Dale Tallon
Will: Dale Tallon

Extreme Makeover: Hockey Edition. Tallon brought in seven of Florida’s top eleven scorers. They landed their first playoff appearance in 12 years and first ever division title with money leftover to buy more rats.

Do yourself a favor.

Click on the image below.

Watch the video.

Totes brilliant, right?  LOVE IT!!

Screen capping GOLD!

Thornton-san

Making sweet music

Master of the post-National Anthem fist pump.

Nothing more important than the flow.

Gosh, he's just such a noob.

Andy the Science Guy

The Bear is the worst roommate ever.

Patty cake.

I know how you feel, Jack. I love The Bear too.

MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

Help!

The Bruins are teetering precariously on the edge of the abyss…and they are threathening to take me with them.

Saturday, they lost to the Capitals.  Yesterday, they got violated by the Penguins.  Patrice Bergeron and Adam McQuaid both got injured.  With Nathan Horton, Rich Peverley, Beniot Pouliot, and Tuukka Rask already out, it only to the dire situation the Black and Gold find themselves in late in the season.

Can I get a prayer circle?

Never have I seen a sadder face. Never.

McQuaid took a hard hit from James Neal in the 1st and did not return for rest of the game.  Bergeron took a shot off the leg and labored badly to try to battle through, but did not return.

Obviously, goaltending is a SERIOUS issue for the Bruins.  Serio, people.  I knew losing Tuukka would be tough but I had not fully realize it until this weekend.

And when I did, this was me.

Luckily I managed to pull myself together and attempted to analyze this mess of a situation the Bruins are in.

In an ideal world, Tukkaa would have played Saturday’s matinee versus the Caps, allowing Thomas to rest up for the game against the Pens.  But with Rask recovering from a groin injury, the Bruins were up Crap Creek without a paddle.  

Hell, they didn’t even have a boat.

Then you add in the clocks springing forward for daylight savings, and  you have a recipe for a grade A+, #1 disaster of epic proportion.

Yesterday’s game was that unmitigated disaster.

The Pens jumped all over Thomas from the first whistle scoring 3 goals in the first.  It was ooglay.

I was ready to rage every time the Penguins touched the puck out of sheer frustration.

Normally, I have no issues with the Penguins.  While they are not my favorite team, I respect them and like alot of their players but yesterday, I want to kick all of them in the shins.

Like really hard.

Bruins managed to stauch the bleeding somewhat at the beginning of the 2nd period by pulling Thomas and putting in Marty Turco.  TURCO TIME, YA’LL!

Turco played well in his first NHL game in over a year and no one threw smelly fish at him.  He only allowed 2 goals (if that can be considered a postitive) and made some great saves, including this gem on JStaal.

Poke Check.  Stack the pads.

I don’t know how it could get any worse for the Bruins but if they hope to have any chance to make a run for defending their Stanley Cup, they need to do something.

I have a suggestion.

Bubble wrap.

And lots of it.

Call Mike Green.  I’m sure he has some extra lying about.

Last night, Patrice Bergeron gave a lesson on how to play like a boss.

Granted, he’s always exceptional in my opinion, but last night vs. the Panthers, #37 really was the #1 star of the game.

He scored both goals during regulation for the Bruins – this wrister on a sicky no-look pass from Pouliot and this tip-in on a beauty on a pass from Tyler “Teen Wolf” Seguin.

EH OH! That's a good looking goal, eh?

And as if that wasn’t enough, he scored the crucial goal in the shootout to keep the Bruins’ chances alive, allowing David Krecji to score the SO Winner.

Most of the time, Bergeron’s play isn’t fancy or stuff that is going to make it on NHL on the Fly, but what it is, is solid, consistent and smart.

And with a nickname like “The Professor”, would you really expect anything less?

Sometimes, when you win, it ain’t so pretty.  It’s okay.  It doesn’t have to be.  A win is a win, but this one was sorta ooglay.  Bruins, for some reason, have struggled against the teams in the Southeast division this season but managed to pull out a win and 2 points thanks to the skill of their assistant captain.  [ Check out Bergy's Post-game presser here. ]

Tonight, Bruins take on the Lightning.  Normally this match-up would have us more excited, but TB is struuuugling.  Like Buttercup and Wesley in the Fire Swamp quicksand.

They are 17-23-4 and  on a 3 game losing streak.  We want them to be better because we adore Stamkos and Squishy and Matt Gilroy (Go BU!), but things just aren’t looking good for the Bolts – despite Stamkos being 2nd in the league in points (50) and leading the league in goals (30).

Tampa Bay, we have a problem.

But at least they are purty to look at.

Somebody check on Chuck and Cassy because the second episode of NHL 36 is going to profile none other than Patrice Bergeron.

NEW YORK – The National Hockey League (NHL®) and NHL Original Productions today announced Boston Bruins center Patrice Bergeron as the next NHL player to be profiled in the all-access series NHL 36. 

Air date: Wednesday, Jan. 4, at 6:30 p.m. on NBC Sports Network (formerly VERSUS). Re-run: Friday, Jan. 6 at 9 a.m. and Sunday, Jan. 8 at 1 a.m, also on NHL Network Saturday, Jan. 7 at 12:30 p.m. ET and Sunday, Jan. 8 at 6:30 p.m. ET. [link]

Somewhere, Chuck is muffling her screams with a pillow.

Merry Christmas Eve!  Rudolph had the night off to carbo load but the Boston Bruins scored one goal for each of Santa’s other reindeer.  That’s right, the Bruins scored 8 goals.  The Panthers scored zero.  I know Chuck would want you to see this:

I cannot recall a prettier goal this season.  Marchand had a hat trick and 5 points. “Ho Ho Ho!” There was some sick passing going on last night.

There was also at least one sick wardrobe choice.  Instead of Ugly Christmas Sweaters, Marchand hosted his own “What the Hell is that Shirt?!” night.  Unsurprisingly, he won.

You know Seguin threatened to break up with him over this.

The Bruins love a hot streak.  They’ve won their last six, and that’s not their longest of the season.  They are currently #2 overall in the League, just one point behind Chicago.  For post-game interview, we recommend The Professor because Chuck LOVES him.  [link]

Bergy had 1 G/2 A.  According to Chuck, he does everything right.  Cassy agrees.  The rest of us certainly can’t see anything wrong.

Yes, you are, Tyler Seguin.  

Yes. You. Are.

TS19 scored his first career hat trick in the Bruins 7-o rout of Cartman Phil Kessel and the Maple Leafs and it was glorious.

Goal # 1 – One-timer from the left circle.  Great cross ice pass from Peverley and Seguin SNIPES it. 

Goal #2 – Truly thing of beauty.  After making a mistake in the offensive zone, Seguin doesn’t panic.  Comes back into the neutral zone.  Makes a smart play, kicking a loose puck up to Bergeron.  Bergeron comes in, down the right.  Seguin in the slot.  Bergeron flips it to him, it gets deflected and Seguin bats it out of mid-air over the sieve’s left shoulder.  My reaction? “ARE YOU SERIOUS?” Hand-eye coordination perfection.  Sick mitts.

Goal #3 – Again a smart play from the Professor (would you expect anything less?), with a little help from Marshamont and Seguin nets his first hatty of his career.

This is only the beginning, people.

There is a reason why he went #2 Overall.   And you’ve just seen it right there.  Yes, he may be young, but there is no denying the talent he possesses.  Is he the next “face” of the NHL?  We certainly hope so.

from drinkbeerandpetcats.tumblr.com

Side note: Seguin may be a natural centerman but there was something so beautiful about the way that he played with Bergeron.  

Just like Biggie and Puff Daddy - Bergeron laced the track.  Seggy rocked the flow.