What's Up, Ya Sieve

I feel your pain.

I really do. I was there last year. My caps went out in the first round. This was me last year. But I lived through it. And you will too.

I'm serious. Wipe the F*** chocolate off your face and get up! YES - YOU!

You are better than this and your men need you. Maybe not your team but there are others out there in the trenches fighting, that need adopting temporarily at least until the end of the season. And this is YOUR SPORT. This is Hockey and a drought is coming – need I remind you? SUMMER … NO HOCKEY? At all? So pull yourself together, go back through the blog and pick a team, a man, SOMEONE, adopt-a-man, adopt-a-cause – put a stamp on it and make it YOURS and work it sister. Because come June, we are all going to look like the above so no getting a jump on things now!

Five reasons you should ADOPT-A MAN-CAUSE-ANYTHING-RIGHT-NOW-FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-HOCKEY:

1. What else do you have going on? I mean really? Seriously. Tell us. Because we would know. NOTHING. Huh. So? what are you waiting for? If you need suggestions. We have some.

2. There are some very ELIGIBLE men available for ADOPTION. Shea Weber. Mike Fisher. The Sedin Twins. No, I am not joking here. They have an awesome sense of humor and mad skills. Joe Thornton. Patrick Marleau. Oh god did I just write that? Tim Thomas. Henrik Zetterberg. Mike Modano. Brian Boucher. Milan Lucic. Andrej Meszaros. Martin St. Louis. Steven Stamkos. Mike Green. See, I’m not even asking you to support you-know- who because I know you will from the closet and that’s OK!

how could you not support this?

3. THERE IS NO CRYING IN HOCKEY. EVER. Except if you’re Sean Avery and really, do you want to join that club? Screaming, breaking things, punching objects and being sad pandas, OK. We except that.

we'll even give you a cyber-hug.

4. If you ‘accidentally run into’ and by ‘accidentally’ I mean ‘accidentally on purpose stalking them’ -  say, Kris Letang or MAX TALBOT or Jonathan Toews, do you really want a badunkadunk butt or muffin top (even though that’s the best part of the muffin!) from all the chocolate, bon bons and cupcakes you ate? Wouldn’t you want to be in your fabulous best shape EVER?!

well hello there, come here often? wanna see MY stanley cups?

5. IT’S HOCKEY. YOU LOVE IT. WE LOVE IT. IT’S NOT OVER – YET. YOU ARE NOT A QUITTER. WE BELIEVE.

So let's kiss, make up and move on!

And lastly, whether we all like it or not, as Sean Connery said in HIGHLANDER, “There can be only one.”

my what fancy wear and BTW - pants LOVES your hat!

This is what you can buy on shop NHL.COM.

boring but ok.

This is what you SHOULD be able to buy at shop NHL.COM if I ran the circus. Just sayin.

thank you, thank you very much.

The Nashville Predators advanced to Round 2… and the beard lives on.  Shea Weber’s beard is the top ranking search term around here every day.  The Foxy Friday alum has also been nominated for the Norris Trophy.  That’s a pretty badass few days.

Chuck Norris eats trophies for breakfast.

They join the Red Wings and Capitals in the waiting room to see who they’ll play next.  Nashville (#5) is the only team so far to upset a higher seed (Ducks were #4).  It’s also worth pointing out that both Chuck and I picked the Preds to win this series, because we’re clearly in charge of everything.

Sorrs, Perr.

I went to a Preds game back in their first season (I am that old) and had a great time.  Brand new arena, almost no one knew what was going on.  It’s great to see Nashville becoming a serious hockey town and getting so behind their team.  Phoenix could only dream of this.  Here’s hoping they face Detroit in the next round, because it means San Jose and Chicago both won.

We have reached a critical stage in Beard Watch 2011.  The Preds and Ducks are tied 2-2 and it’s looking like this series could go seven games.  In fact, we hope so.  Because this thing is getting epic.

Agent Orange

Shea Weber is approaching Level ELMO.  He was somewhere between bath time and Rubber Duckie, now he’s leaning toward “Here fishy, fishy, fishy!”

Faster than you can say “a la peanut butter sandiwches!”, Shea will be getting trimming that beard clear of his eyes to see the ice.  By round 2 he’ll be combing and braiding it, perhaps in Preds colors.  Ryan Getzlaf is really pissed that Weber’s growing gratuitous hair while bald guy goes bald.

Tickle Me Weber

It’s necessary to point out that Shea cheated a bit on his beard and started growing before the regular season ended.  This is frowned upon by Max Talbot, who Tweeted when he shaved clean before game 1 so his beard is all playoffs and nothing but the playoffs, so help him Sasquatch.

While Shea is not approaching Fear the Beard status yet, he is so far the most likely candidate for the Brian Wilson Kicks Your Ass Award.  Final voting will take place after the Cup is awarded.  Start tracking your candidates now.  Most likely to NOT win for his beard, even if they win the Cup (and not care because they won the Cup): our beloved Swede, Nicky B.  Seriously, I get more coverage from eating chocolate ice cream.

awwwws

Enjoy the weekend and check back Monday to see which beards surivive!

Is the stanley cup hiding in there?

This week’s beard update. Here’s where it stands. The Sedin’s are disqualified because they always have one and it’s always groomed. Shea Weber started too early but I’ll include him solely because of its sheer awesomeness but he’s out of the running and same goes for George Parros. And believe it or not, there is actually an attractive man under that obnoxious 70′s facial hair and horrible hair cut!

As Mr. Cherrie says, "This is made for riding!"

No wonder Detroit keeps winning, the entire team can grow one in a day!

Who knew? Evidently not Boston ...

Mike Green is growing something MAGICAL! HOLY COW!

let's hope more goals come flying out of Patrice's beard ...or somewhere else - SOON!

where on earth did this come from? because one minute is wasn't there and the next - BAM! scooby doo !

no wonder this series is tied 1-1 ... penner and wallin.

does this really surprise any of us? ALL MAN ... ALL THE TIME.

Winner winner chicken dinner! Why is this young lady smiling? Because she took the challenge!

Somebody is starting early.  The Nashville Predators defensemen have a challenge going to see whose playoff beard will turn out best.  Is that premature when you haven’t clinched a playoff spot? Or is it simply pointless because Shea Weber already looks like this?

This photo is a few days old, so it’s even bushier now.  I’m watching the Preds/Wings game and for a second I thought a large homeless man was trying to clear the zone.

And so it begins.  I hope the Preds make it so we can see this thing in action.  It’s kind of going Fu Manchu in the middle there already.

One year ago today, everyone I know was on Twitter or Facebook talking about how great hockey is as the US and Canada faced off in the Olympic gold medal game.  We could hear them cheering in our apartment complex, and it wasn’t the two Russian guys down the hall.

My response: I have been telling you this FOR YEARS.

And then, because truth is better than fiction, this:

Not because I wish I were Canadian.  Not even because Crosby is my favorite player on my favorite team.  Just because, as everyone realized for a few short days, hockey is awesome.

Maybe I’m a terrible American for how much I wanted this.  The US fought their hearts out, but this was the right ending for the story.  Just like our favorite Miracle on Ice story, sometimes fairy tales come true.

All the WUYS faves: Crosby, Iggy, Joey, Nash-ty, EStaal, TGB Doughty, Weber plus Old Man Neidermayer and Toews isn't even derping in the top corner.

On a not-so-side note, I feel this is also the opportunity to just put this out into the universe and hope someone is listening:  come back soon.  We miss you, the Pens miss you, heck I think even Dawn misses hating on you.   Today TSN read a roster of 40 players currently out with concussions (40!).  I held my breath hoping they weren’t going to say your name, that maybe you were surprising us all.  But there you were, almost last on the list.  It feels wrong to chase the Cup without you.

I wanted to include Shea Weber in the Skills Competition post, but there are really no YouTube videos of his game highlights.  Just big, bone-crunching hits.  Shea almost won the ’09 Hardest Shot with a 103.4 mph slapper [video].  Chuck’s pal Chara beat him by 2mph.  When you’re going that fast, what’s 2mph?

So we’re giving Shea a little Foxy Friday love in hopes that it boosts his internet profile. *wink*

I'm laughing because I'm going to hurt you.

Wikipedia has informed me that Weber grew 5 inches in one year (that hurts) and was 6’2″ at the age of 15 (that’s awkward).  I like the name Shea, but I bet it helps to be a giant so high school kids aren’t mean to you.

Weber became the Preds captain at the end of last year.  He also won Olympic gold with Team Canada.  He currently leads the team with 29 points and the Predators are 4th in the Western Conference. That’s ahead of the Blackhawks, folks.

Real conversation with my brother:

Pants: Going to a hockey game.  Sharks vs. Predators.

Brother: The Predator is someone’s mascot? Is that even allowed?

Pants: Predators.  Not the Predator.

Brother: Oh.  Bummer.  ScyFy should do a Shark vs. Predator movie starring Schwarzennegger.  They could play hockey.

At the Sharks vs. Predators game two weeks ago, Shea just looked like a nice guy.  Until he leveled someone with a huge hit.  But that’s how we roll here at WUYS – we like it rough. You might even end up ass-over-tea kettle in your own bench!

Chuck pointed out that this is two Nashville Foxy Fridays in a row.  Someday I’ll break out the photo of  me & Steve Sullivan at the 1994 Albany River Rats Calder Cup Championship event and show you all what foxy really means.  (Note: I will never show you this picture.  It’s too embarrassing for both of us.)