What's Up, Ya Sieve

I’m not into reality TV (besides sports), but may I suggest a new program?

Penguins Bachelor Auction – Talent Competition

Episode One: Sidney Crosby’s sex hair vs. James Neal’s ginger beard

Somewhere, Pierre weeps.

Neal’s Strategy: Curls for the girls.

I’m just saying – NBC Sports Network is showing cycling reruns when there is money to be made.

Last night’s Penguins game really saved an otherwise desolate day.  Anything that makes Evgeni Malkin this happy is bound to have the same effect on me.

As we said in our Round 2 Playoff Prognostications on Puck Daddy:

Remember when smart girls were into slacker guys, like in Knocked Up? That’s Pants and the Penguins. If the Pens don’t get their act together and do the damned dishes in Round 2, they’re sleeping on the couch all summer.  

They did it!  At least for now!  Game 1 was a bit mad in the early going, but settled into a steady Penguins onslaught.  The Senators got chances and second chances – we owe you, Vokoun, now lock up those rebounds.  The Pens scored 2 of 4 power play chances and even once on the penalty kill (Duper!).  Strong from start to finish, that’s what girls love.

Game 2 of this series isn’t until Friday, but there’s no rest for hockey fans.  The Kings won last night and the Blackhawks/Red Wings start tonight.  Let’s go Hawks… I’ll be saying from inside the theater where I’m watching Star Trek.

Trust you guys can hold it down for tonight?

The Penguins have won Round One.

It wasn’t easy.  It wasn’t even pretty.  Well, maybe Game One, but otherwise the Penguins generally had their asses handed to them by the 8th seed upstart Islanders.  At times the Pens beat themselves, but as the series went on the Islanders were winning.  Fair and square they were beating the Penguins for long stretches of time that included nearly all of Game Six.

In the end, a win is a win.  It’s not about who “deserved” to win, because maybe that was the Islanders.  At least if this were a Disney movie.  They played more than good hockey, they played their hearts out.  The Penguins didn’t, but they fought hard against their own issues and still brought it to OT.

Hopefully the Penguins learned and when Round Two starts against Ottawa, we’ll see the team we’ve seen all year.  The team they can really be.

And we’ll see this.  It’s already twice what it was last season… somebody’s getting jealous of #BeardWatch2013.

Nealmobile’s ginger beard, on the other hand, is mesmerizing.  I’ll find a picture for you then you’ll have to cancel all your plans.

And now, a dramatic reenactment of Games 1-3 in the Penguins/Islanders series.

By Britney Spears

Not exactly what Britney meant.

Game 1: Penguins 5, Islanders 0

Oh yeah.  Everything they say about me is true, look how unstoppably hot/young/talented/perfect I am.

Sid: Are you talking about us?

Remember Flower’s wedding?

Game 2: Penguins 3, Islanders 4

Waaaaahhhhhhhhaaaattt do you mean Justin dumped me and I’m fat and tone deaf and I forgot to wear pants to this TV interview?

Sid: I can hear you, you know.

Game 3: Penguins 5, Islanders 4 (OT)

I have no idea what I’m doing maybe this will work RRRRAAAAAHHHHHH oh hey I feel better now.

Sid: You take that back.

The Isles deserve a ton of credit for the great hockey they have played in bursts through the last two games.  How about their crowd yesterday?   I think the Penguins should still have this in the bag if they can just even out their game.  The Islanders have been very good, but anything less than spectacular and it’s the Penguins beating themselves.

Bets on what Tuesday night’s game will look like?

The NHL wants to make up for the lockout, draw casual fans back into hockey and perhaps attract some new ones in a less turbulent year, because we’re still really mad at them.  Right?

Not now, girls.

 Er, we may be feeling warmer and fuzzier and playoff-ier…

Seriously!  Hold it together.

Then someone says:

from NBC Chicago

OKAY, WE LOVE YOU AGAIN!

So much for being cool.

He should’ve known better.

Five outdoor games have been announced for next season, including Penguins/Blackhawks at Soldier Field, Chicago on March 1, 2014.

Also known as:

Or was it…

The show ain’t called Chicago for nothing.

Whatever they call it, we’re going.  You’re invited.  Get started now.

 Don’t forget to pack your:

Because this trip is:

Apparently this is all still being finalized.  Good luck with that, because you already yelled fire in a crowded room.

Check out these gorgeous pictures from Carmen Mandato Photography.

Large, hi-res versions are on the website along with a few shots of other teams. People have asked if she’ll have prints available for sale.  She’s on Facebook too.

God, don’t you just love hockey?  And wish you had longer eyelashes?  And feel relieved that no one will ever photograph you this close up?

Maybe it’s just me.

I’ve seen this one, but never with a credit.  She should definitely get credit.

I wish I had photography skills.  At this range, I’d have trouble keeping a hold on the camera.

Thanks to Heather Weikel for letting us know about these!  Thanks to Carmen Mandato for taking such amazing photos.  (I added a copyright to all of them – please be responsible with other people’s work!)

As predicted by science, fate and what he looked like to begin with, post-jaw surgery and probably mid-dental work Sidney Crosby looks…

Better than anyone you know in real life.

This is from the party after the Honor Society show in Pittsburgh last night (says Tumblr – which is how rumors get started).  I’d apologize to this young lady for not knowing her name/crediting her photo, but I don’t think she cares. (UPDATE: Her name is Candace, and she’s very nice!).

If you can go to shows and parties, maybe you can smile and play hockey soon?

Let’s have some Monday morning Caro Emerald in celebration, shall we?

Update: Alison found another, RT’d by the band’s @RiskyBusinessMB:

That is almost a smile.

Update #2: Talking to the media at Pens practice… sigh.

You’ve all seen what happened in the Penguins/Islanders game on Saturday.  I feel obligated to talk about it, so you know I’m not weeping in a ditch.

It started out so well.  We were all distracted by shiny things:

Then 87 seconds in, Sid got a friendly-fire puck to the face.  Yes, 87 seconds.

Fate, you are a bitch.

Maybe Sid should just sit out vs. the Islanders forever, since he seems to always get hit in the face during these games. [The last time.]

I was watching the game on my phone, at a Greene Turtle sports bar.  My waitress, a Flyers fan, must’ve heard my muffled scream because she came rushing over and we huddled around the little screen watching while my lunch got cold.  Even she was worried.  I left her a huge tip.

For all the times I’ve said “NOT THE FACE!”, I primarily mean one face in the entire hockey world.

But Sidney Crosby cannot catch a break.  He had “extensive” dental work and surgery to repair a fractured jaw.  He’s out of the hospital but still swollen, can’t chew and can’t talk.  That would put me over the edge, but Sid is reportedly in good spirits.  Because he’s awesome.

Crosby wrote that he’s resigned to a diet of “soup and shakes for a while” and that verbal communication is pretty much out of the question “for another couple days” because he is “pretty swollen right now.” - Pittsburgh Post Gazette

I was a little embarrassed by my level of concern on Saturday.  I’m not that worried about his face because:

1. He can afford really great doctors, reconstruction, a Bane mask, etc.
2. HE’S SIDNEY CROSBY.

He’s still going to look like this when it’s over.  Maybe a scar, a few fake teeth.  We like hockey players, remember?

Gah, I’m just torturing myself now.  I also barely avoided a ragestroke over the number of people who feel an injured player is either the result of karma or the punchline of a joke.  Just walk away, Pants.

Obviously the true concern is any concussion-like symptom that an 85 mph puck to the face could cause.  It looks like we’re clear on that front.  Outlets are reporting that Sid intends to be back by playoffs, and many are saying don’t be surprised to see him sooner.

The Pens have him listed as “out indefinitely” – that doesn’t mean FOREVER.  It means THEY DON’T KNOW.   The caps lock is for myself, so I don’t freak out.

Pittsburgh still has everyone else (except Letang and a starting Fleury), a 15-game win streak and the lead in the East.  They’ve been getting it done with holes in the roster and I expect the last 12 games of the season to be no different.  They’re home vs. Buffalo tonight – let’s assume Sid will be on the couch with an ice pack of frozen peas and a milkshake. watching this happen.

I will be doing the same.

Sundays should be easy.  Could someone please inform my hockey teams?

Penguins 2, Flyers 1 – OT

The past two seasons, the Flyers have ended big win streaks for the Pens.  Not last night!!  It took a while, until Crosby PPGed so hard he almost fell over.  He is a little back-heavy, after all.

.gif by jordanstaals.tumblr.com

Not for nothing, Sid got all these points without even brushing his hair.

Then everyone including Tyler Kennedy couldn’t believe that Tyler Kennedy scored the OT game-winning goal.  Penguins win streak extended to 12 games!

Let’s love on Matt Niskanen for a minute.  First of all, his middle name is Norman.  It makes me think of the calf from City Slickers every time:

“Seat belts, Norman! Seat belts!”

Secondly, he’s been aces lately.  Check out last night’s highlights [video] –  the puck-drag  around the shot block at 1:34, then the behind-the-back to TK for the winner!  Nisky had the game-winner last week vs. Washington, giving him 4 goals in 25 games. Last year he scored 4 in 75.  He needs a haircut something awful, but look at that smile:

.gif by christkunitz.tumblr.com

Also, last night… Capitals 3, Rangers 2 – SO

WELCOME BACK, PIGLET!  At least we hope so.  Mid-last week, Nicky Backstrom had only 3 goals on the year.  THREE GOALS?

Yes. Horrifying.

But last night, NB19 scored the Caps’ first and last goals – the second being the 4th round shootout winner.

So while the bonus goal won’t count toward the season total, we know it happened.  That’s 3 goals and 3 assists in 3 games!  Give us the return of this face and the Caps could give the playoffs a run for their money after all.

I will also grudgingly point out that Ovechkin has 6 goals in 5 straight games.  The Caps have won 4 of those.  Maybe (maybe, maybe) he CAN lead this team, at least on the scoreboard.

There’s no way out for the Caps without Ovi and Backstrom and no more time to wait.  They jumped 3 spots in the standings this weekend, and are now 2 points out of 8th place.  They host the Islanders, Sabres and Flyers this week – all teams just below them in the East.

Please let this elevator keep going up.

Side note: If you’re not following Ovi’s fiancée Maria Kirilenko (@mkirilenko), you are missing the most excited Caps-related Tweets out there.  She might even be enough to make me like him.

I’m sorry this happened against Chuck’s Bruins, but there is nothing better than a joyous hockey hug.

Bonus Neal’s face. Sid looks the same. I also looked that way, silently freaking out in a hotel lobby.

Update (thanks Alison): Action hug gif.

I love that Crosby is this happy for his guys – especially a new guy who came in on a trade for such a fan favorite, who had so much pressure on him.  Look at these faces.  I love this team.

PS: I almost wrote “I love that my captain…” but that makes even me want to barf.  I still mean it.

The Penguins have won 5 games straight.  In that span:

They won four 1-goal games, including 1 OT and 1 shootout.

Chris Kunitz has 8 goals… three of them on Pittsburgh Penguins Sock Monkey Night, creating officially the most adorable hat trick in NHL history.

Asked how he felt about seeing sock monkeys on the ice, Crosby said:

insert girly laugh

Pascal Dupuis has 4 goals.

I’ve lost my voice from screaming.

James Neal has 4 goals (plus a shootout goal).

I used a 5ive song as the title of this post, just for Chuck.

And Sidney Crosby is a beast.

• 3 goals and 11 assists (plus a shootout goal)
• Voted one of the Three Stars every game
• Lost his helmet on camera just for good, sweaty measure

I’m sorry, were you trying to work?