What's Up, Ya Sieve

I’m a publicist in real life, which generally leads me to desire a talking ban on everyone until their comments have been approved.  But that’s my dream world.

Last night, Duncan Keith made a probably sexist, definitely stupid remark to a female reporter after the Blackhawks loss to Vancouver.  From Puck Daddy:

• Keith: “What did you see?”
• Thomson: “Well, there it looked like there was a penalty that went undetected. You seemed a bit frustrated.”
• Keith: “Oh, no. I don’t think there was. I think he scored a nice goal, and that’s what the ref saw. Maybe we should get you as a ref maybe, hey?
• Thomson: “Yeah, maybe. Can’t skate though.”
• Keith: “First female referee. Can’t probably play either, right? But you’re thinking the game, like you know it? Seeya.”

This woman has likely heard worse on her way from the car to the rink, and she even Tweeted jokingly about it renewing the rivalry.  While I don’t think Duncan Keith hates women or any such nonsense, the part about her gender is so intensely stupid, so conversationally desperate that it makes me see red.

Also, in general it’s a good rule not to be a dick.  Sure, he’s frustrated.  The Hawks have only lost 6 games all year and he clearly has no idea how to handle the rampant devastation that results in crying himself to sleep on a giant fucking pile of money.  Since a single game loss is so eviscerating to DK, so obviously a sign that he cannot perform his job, then no wonder he thinks this woman can’t do any job at all.  Ridiculous, right?  Let’s be equal-opportunity jerks, at least.

Sarcasm – it’s for everyone!

Continuing this trend, Tyler Seguin used the phrase “no homo” in a Tweet yesterday.  Then he deleted it.  Hahaha – as if that ever worked. From SBNation:

He has since apologized for the reference.  It’s offensive, of course, but one of those phrases so widely used that I doubt he thought anything at the time.  He should have.  He wasn’t delivered by stork to the Bruins locker room yesterday, so he should know better than to put something in the kind of writing that you can never erase.  Just because he used a discriminatory term in a casual way doesn’t take away it’s meaning – even if that’s not what he meant.

Tyler Tweeted two apologies… I’m going out on a limb to say he only wrote one of them.  Left the period off the latest when cutting and pasting, for authenticity.

Then there is Matt Cooke.  Increasingly demoted from true asshole status over the last few seasons, if this story from Puck Daddy is at all true, then he’s on the list today too.  The source is so suspect that I believe Matt gets a pass.

You may recall I once insisted Bauer was falsely advertising their “base layer” collection by featuring all hockey players and no underwear.

They didn’t quite hear me, but they may have understood some of my International Sign language.

That’s right.  My hair-tossing and reasonable facsimile of the Kid N’ Play dance meant please do this:

What’s that?  I’m a nuclear physicist and you need to record my voice to bypass security a break into a missle silo?

You’d better hope the passcode is a bunch of four-letter words and gasping.

Of course, an agent always gets his girl.  And his girl ends up dead, covered in gold and rolled in a hammock in Antigua.

Eh, probably worth it.

There was never a shortage of Bond girls or bad jokes.  Get it – Bauer VAPOR?  Because these were all shot with the humidifier set to stun?  And all my powder compacts are really remote detonators and lock picking sets.

Better hurry up, the shiny villain-type is coming.

Then the money(penny) shot.   They’re thinking: JAMES BOND.

I’m thinking: BOYBAND.

Worked Westlife into a post, complete with Bry(i)an.  Maybe I am a physicist.

Closer, Bauer.  You’re getting closer.  No pressure, but when other athletes model… well, I’m not even sure what they’re selling, but I’ll buy it.

Maybe that’s what happens on 4.18 when…

Last night’s Bruins vs. Pens was pretty good…until the 3rd period.

That is when the Pens’ offence sprang to life and took advantage of some uncharacteristic mistakes by my beloved Bruins.  Pens scored 3 goals in under 5 minutes and went on to defeat the Bruins 3-2.

Now, I’m not making excuses [because there is no crying in hockey] but the Bruins did play night before in Ottawa and then had to hop on the plane to Pittsburgh.  Fatigue had to factor it at least a little bit.

Bruins’ #2 goaltender Anton “Dobby” Khudobin got the start and was stellar against the Pens’ potent offence.  Didn’t catch the game? Just check out the video clips here.  Most all of the saves clips are Khudobin’s.

Dobby has save after save after great save.  He was strong and aggressive in the net, especially on the Pens’ 5-on-3 when things could have got real ugly, real fast.

I can’t fault him for the loss because the 3 goals that the Pens did score were all good goals.  And really when the Pens score against you, pretty much all of their goals are good goals.

BTW – Dobby & dimples. It’s a good thing. 

Dobby make saves.  No allow goals. Dobby happy.

I love Dennis Seidenberg as a player and think that he is seriously underrated.  But last night’s game was sweet and sour for our favorite German.

He made a ridiculous play to save a goal…then made a ridiculous mistake that was the final nail in the coffin for the Bruins.

Hockey gods giveth and hockey gods taketh away.

Yeah, I know how you feel buddy.

This was definitely a game that the Bruins could have won.  They only but 16 shots on Fleury and with the way he’s been playing lately, this was a missed opportunity.  They should have peppered him with shots, sent Lucic in there to crash the net, and screened him all night long.  Had they done that, the outcome might have been very different.

Seguin’s goal was tres impressive.  (Watch it here.)  Being able elevate the puck like that while moving away from said puck – Skillz, people.  They don’t teach that in school.

Over the last few games, Seguin seems to have found his groove. He’s skating well, finding the puck, and looks like his scoring touch has returned. Add to that the great play of his line mates,  Bergeron and Marchand,and the Bruins’ 1st line is just chugging away like a little train.  Choo Choo! All aboard!

Bruins vs. Pens face off again this Sunday, March 17th.

This time, we’re gonna have the luck of the Irish on our side.

The last couple of days have been crazy.  Slammed at work. Prepping huge event. Plus 6-day work trip to Seattle.

Just when I think that it is all too much, I see this photo and feel instantly better.

photo courtesy of boston.com & Jessica Deitsch

Thanks, Tyler Seguin, for just being you.

We appreciate you so very very much.

Read the full story about this most awesome of photo bombs [here].

January 31, 2013.

The day we’ve all been waiting patiently for.

The day we’ll all feel slightly less creepy staring at photos of men 10+ years younger than us.

Today is Tyler Seguin’s birthday.

And not just any birthday, but his 21st birthday.

Shots of Patron for everybody!

Oh lord, help us all.

People of Boston and the world…you have been warned.

Today, as we pause to celebrate Mr. Seguin and his inescapable charm , let us reflect on all the good times he’s had…

Like that time he won a Stanley Cup in his 1st NHL season…

Like that time he got that sleeve tattoo and raised his BAMF rating with a 7 (out of 10)…

Like that time he finally passed his road test…

Like that time he perfecting his imitation of a sad, disappointed baby…

Like that time he scored a salty shootout goal despite a flying hot dog…

and then scored another salty goal on the re-d0…LIKE A BOSS. 

Like that time he wore a scarf…

Like that time he officially joined Red Sox Nation…

Like that time when he learned to talk to girls…

 Like that time he found his two new spirit guides…

Like that time he actually went out in public with this haird0…

Like that time he went to Europe and fell in love…

Like that time when he spent some quality time with his sister…

Like that time he got really bored on a road trip…

Like that time he got really mad at this wall…

Like that time he got a puppy and completely obliterated our ovaries…

It’s no big secret that I’ve been a Seguinista since day 1.  Pants has finally come to her senses and joined me on the dark side.

Today, you can too.

Today is the day that you can finally come out of the closet and admit your love.

It’s okay.

We’ll be here to support you.

Just in case tomorrow really is the end of the world, it’s been fun.  The lockout can’t ruin hockey for me.  I decide what I love about it, like the Penguins and Capitals at the same time.  Throw in a Flyer while you’re at it.  Expansion teams, underage boyfriends, never remembering if the Blackhawks are in my time zone… ah, the good old days.

From facebook.com/hockeymemepage

The last game I went to was a Caps playoff win and, as I said at the time [link], “officially the most fun I’ve ever had at a hockey game.”  The one before that, also playoffs, I dragged Gator out of bed at 7 AM on a Saturday like I knew something amazing was going to happen.  Then Mike Green scored the GWG.

If this is it, I ended on a high note.  Now I can look back at a few things I’ll take with me when we go.

Pants’ Favorite WUYS Moments (old and new)

The first picture I ever posted of Mike Green.  In the 2+ years since this post, our fandom relationship has had enough ups + downs to qualify as chick lit.

The Crosby Comeback (Part I).  Of all the things I could say about Sid – Where are you supposed to look when you look at him?  No place is safe! –  I love how excited I was for his return [link] and that it was a hundred times better in real life. [link]

The way these girls are looking at Jordan Eberle.  You can substitute another player (I wouldn’t) and some full-size chairs, but that’s us.

The James Neal shootout goal that named the Nealmobile.  It was the start of something.  I’m sure you can hear us in the screaming.

The blinding perfection of Steven Stamkos.  Also how high he can jump.  I don’t run away from just anyone in the street.

In Vegas, Intern Jeff Skinner won the Calder Trophy (even though I was rooting for Couture).  This is one of my all-time favorite posts.

The Toewsface. There are so many, each perfect in its own way.  Each one judging you.  Never mind the body it’s attached to.

Camp Biological Clock Biosteel.  And the start of this video where Nealer and Seguin check themselves out in the mirror.

Viktor Stalberg and Andrew Shaw show off their not-so-secret identities. Bless the girl who talks them out of their shirts in under two minutes, teach us your Jedi mind tricks [link].

My fondness for gingers hit a new high/low, depending on how you feel about Claude Giroux. [link]  You ought to be corrupted by now.

Speaking of: if you Google “hockey plaid suits,” we are 2 of the top 5 results.

Then I admitted that I love Danny Briere, right around the time he had to stand on a box to be interviewed. [link]

Gabe Landeskog discovered Instagram & Twitter, could not find a shirt. [link]

When Chuck’s team won it all, and I was really happy for her. [link]

Then my team won Pants vs. Chuck and I was really happy for myself. [link]  Now we actively hate each other’s teams, which makes this all more fun.

Finally I was convinced about Tyler Seguin [link], and Chuck managed to hold herself together. [link]

I didn’t do so badly myself, thanks. (Except for that Stamkos thing.) [link]

My one regret will be if I don’t see another Penguins game.  I’ve forgiven but not forgotten the end of last season, and I’d prefer to wash it from my mind with champagne poured from the Cup.  God, I was so angry at them [link]!  We all need a mulligan sometimes.

My feelings can be summed up by Nike Hockey’s new ad campaign.  What are you going to do, take away my Stamkos?  Sure they’re talking about the lockout, but they could be talking about the apocalypse.  Wherever we end up when this is over, I hope there’s hockey.  And Stammer.  Then cold is okay too.

Because #hockeyisours.

Mostly I hope you’ve had fun with us over the last 2 years.  I love this place and every hilarious, inappropriate, hockey-loving member of this little family.

And if the world doesn’t end tomorrow, you know what that means…

FOXY-POCALYPSE FRIDAY.

It’s no big secret that we here at WUYS are big fans of Tyler Seguin.

Pants only recently jumped onboard the Ty-Ty Train and I’m delighted to see that she, like so many, has become wise to the power of this tattooed man-child.

I probably shouldn’t like this photo.

But I can’t help it.

It is the perfect reflection of Seguin’s new carefree European lifestyle.

And I love it.

The hair - Fierce.  Perfectly imperfect tousled locks.  James Neal would approve.

The beard – while not totally up to my impossibly-high facial hair standards, it is a drastic improvement the Teen Wolf debacle that he sported a couple of seasons ago.  Give it a few more weeks and we could have something quite worthy.

Don’t know about you, but I’m really digging this new Tyler.  This carefree, bohemian, European Tyler.

Wonder when we’re going to get carefree, bohemian, European Patrick Kane.

Wait…nevermind.

No one wants to see that.

Patrick Kane likes to party.  In other news, Tyler Seguin is hot.  When two things so obvious to the world collide, it can only end in Bromaggedon.

First, it was just casual hanging out.  Maybe a Tuesday night happy hour, catch a movie in English with both French and German subtitles that cover half the screen (actual Swiss moviegoing experience).

It was nothing to break up a long-term relationship over.  Everyone knows Seguin never calls before the three day mark anyway.

Then hockey started:

And it was like magic.

ACTUAL magic.

Suddenly, Patrick and Tyler are Lockout Life Partners.

There are date nights involving sawdust and shorts.  Just two guys in matching outfits learning how to wrestle.  It’s perfectly normal.

We all knew that Kaner & Seguin vs. the World was going to be something special.  But did we ever think it would be true love?

Don’t hate the player, hate the lockout.

So it’s no surprise that at the end of a night, from the bottom of a bottle and again in matching shirts, it all came down to this.

Poppin’ buttons, er… bottles.

Go ahead and scroll back up.  Zoom in even.  Somewhere in North America, Toews is doing the same thing while polishing his death stare for the next NHLPA meeting.

In fact, Tazer’s on an Interpol watch list now as a potential threat for an international incident.  P & T are rubbing it in his face, Tweeting and Instagramming and actually playing hockey together.  Jonathan’s been dumped with #nofilter in that awful last-call moment when they turn on all the lights.

Whoever’s hip you’re grabbing at that time of night…

New shoes, plaid shirts, no problems.

Maybe Toews will rebound with a new BFF, someone on this side of the pond, to show ‘em all Kaner’s not the only one who can play the field.  Take a few steps up the 1-to-10 scale himself.  Got anyone in mind, Jon?

At least they could borrow each other’s jeans.

PKane better be careful when he comes home, because what happens in Switzerland is getting us all through this lockout.

Maybe we could just move there?  If this is what they get a guy for his birthday, imagine what they’d have for us.

Oops, not that one…

WE MEANT THIS, YOU GUYS.

It’s hard to be the man, Patrick.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

The moral of this story is that Tyler Seguin still isn’t wearing a shirt.

Adorable family, but where is Marshall the puppy?  Does he have an iPad so we can Face Time?

Another day.  Another video from Camp BioSteel.

Nealmobile!

FINALLY!  We were beginning to wonder about him….

He looks like he just woke up and hasn’t had his Paul Martin omelet yet.

Get that boy a bagel, stat.

BTW – Love that guy’s stank face on the right. It’s as if he realizes he’ll never be as good as Nail Yakupov.

This video, while not nearly exciting as Day 1 or Day 2, does have hot guys sprinting.

Obviously, they are participating in some hockey version of “The Hunger Games”, sprinting all out for the cornucopia and that backpack.

Our money is on Tyler Seguin.  He’s got that look of a Career Tribute.

For us personally, we’d like to see more working out in these videos.

More Steven Stamkos leaping tall buildings in a single bound.

More Tyler Seguin tossing medicine balls like they are nerf balls.

More shirtless massage montages.

And less of this.

His body is bangin’ for sure, but this caterpillar of a mustache just totally ruins it for us.

Especially when it makes him look like Luigi from Super Mario Brothers.