The Penguins have already found the perfect off-ice role for Pascal Dupuis: Team Dad. It would explain a lot about how attractive this team is. I mean, Potash’s Reba McEntire wig didn’t make this:

Is anything more 90’s than spray deodorant?

That’s a lot of fun for a team that can’t win a freaking game.

Actual photo of the NHL team standings

The Sharks, reigning kings of the Holiday Video, know how good they are. This year they’ve made it an event. Five behind-the-scenes videos a la VH1’s Behind the Music – three here, and two more yet to come (today and 12/24).

They are really committed to this – already nearly 8 minutes of content and not a smile cracked on camera. Well, except for mine when I saw Chuck’s #1 Dream Combination come true for a single, still second:

Objection. More 90’s than spray deodorant: Joe Thornton and *N Sync.

There is also a contest to win an appearance in their 2016 video. I love that they’re thinking about next year when we haven’t even see this year’s yet.

That #2 team in the NHL, the Capitals, chose to spoof A Christmas Story, and it’s glorious. [Video] They basically put glasses on everyone who could be improved by them.

Fa-ra-ra-ra-raaaaaah…

And those who couldn’t, well…

Does the Easter Bunny visit Russia?

The Flames went right for the low-hanging fruit: the ugly NHL Christmas sweater. They helpfully feature all five (!) of the Flames ugly sweater designs. (We feel you, Rover.) Chuck’s poor, beloved Dougie Hamilton wins/loses this one – that a lot of yellow even if he weren’t a ginger. Luckily, a cameo by Brandon Bollig’s abs make Christmas the day of giving all over again.

The Senators also broke out the ugly sweaters… sort of. How many hairstyles got made for these little LEGO guys?

Overall, that gets a meh. But the coach should definitely say “Karl” more often. I wasn’t sure he was talking to the only other guy in the scene.

The Canucks went to musical route but, unlike the Habs, left the heavy lifting to other people. Smart move. I may despise The Sound of Music and only understand 20% of the references here, but it’s well done.

And anytime a music video allows hockey players to break the Nick Carter Rule (no freestyle dancing, you dork), we are in.

Speaking of singing and, er, dancing, I’m just going to let the Blues video speak sing for itself.

Stick to what you’re good at, Blues. So, basically this (photo from @BedGear):

Alison printed this out and showed it to Santa.

Many teams that didn’t produce videos found other ways to spread holiday cheer. The Islanders did some toy shopping for delivery to a local hospital. The Blackhawks did a hospital visit, and the Wild too. I stopped counting after that. The Devils don’t have a video, but Adam Henrique still went out in search of another human that shares his affinity for elf culture.

Celebratory cheekbones

Did we miss any? We’d hate for Santa to leave anyone off his list! You know there’s something extra under the tree for anyone who embarrasses themselves for the sake of our entertainment.

Update: From the AHL’s Providence Bruins, here’s Max Talbot and Co. after raiding Henrique’s closet.

Bonus points for the matching tie.

Update #2, from Natalie: Not-team related, but we’ll post because Roman Josi can have our column whenever he wants it. Also, I require an explanation of these pants.

From @rjosi90

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, friends. May your days be merry and bright – and your nights full of your team earning points.

Meet my friend Jess. Isn’t she pretty? With her red coat and red hair, she could be the Caps mascot… except they already have one (more on this later).

The Moore Sisters (no relation)

I recently won a Caps Ultimate Fan Experience, and took Jess as my date. The package consists of watching warm-ups from the penalty box, plus two lower-level seats. Which, after watching warm-ups from the penalty box, seem like they’re in the parking lot.

You can buy these ticket packages here. They come with a jersey and run $250+ depending on the game you want. The Stars game was lowest tier. Obviously that schedule was made last season! For a special occasion, or if you wanted to impress your hockey blogger wife (ahem), it’s pretty darned cool.

Queen of All She Surveys

How are we ever going to watch warm-ups from anywhere else? Would we ever get used to pucks pinging off the glass non-stop in front of our faces? Maybe if I’d been looking at the Caps’ side, I’d have seen those pucks coming. But Jamie Benn was right there.

Dramatic reenactment

After acting like we owned the place/team/universe, and taking a sneaky photo with Caps’ announcer Wes Johnson…

Excuse me sir, would you record my outgoing voicemail?

We moved to our excellent 7th row seats right at the goal line where the Stars shot twice. Now, we were definitely rooting for the Caps, but the Stars have some high-powered offense and it was fun to watch Benn & Seguin connect for a goal up close. If I could teleport, I would have revealed my power to the world when I popped into the middle of their hug.

Not the actual hug, but I am not picky.

Our Tweet was even featured on the Jumbotron, which I then included in a Tweet about the Jumbotron. It was all very meta.

I can see the nachos from here.

The already epic night held two more highlights in store. First, I had the pleasure of meeting Erin (@ErinMIHaley) and Jen (@jhro_jhro), and talking some hockey in real life with people I talk to on the Twitters all the time. I love this. If you ever come to Verizon, say the word and we’ll meet by the Dunkin’ Donuts. (Which no longer has iced tea, so maybe we’ll meet somewhere else.)

Interweb friends

The second shiny object was literally one for the record books. Ovechkin scored career goal number 484, passing Sergei Federov and claiming the title of most goals by a Russian-born player in NHL history.

I do miss him on Twitter: @ovi8

Ovi has never been my favorite, but I’ve seen quite a few of those goals in person and this was a pretty fantastic moment, both for him and the Caps’ faithful.

Bald is beautiful

To round out the night – and maybe because he was afraid of Jess taking his job – Slapshot came down and paid us a visit. The Caps didn’t win the game, but we definitely had a winner of a night.

Sir, I can’t see over your plumage.

Since losing this game to Dallas, the Caps have won 5 straight and jumped over the NYR (whoop!) for first in the Metro Division. Now if only the Penguins could stop losing in OT and get those second points….

The general reply has been, “Not all Isles fans are like that.” Of course they’re not. Many of my friends are Isles fans, and they’re none of the things these people exhibited Sunday – racist, homophobic, threatening. I rooted for the Caps on Long Island last winter. It’s not the best example: impromptu game = no Caps gear + stomach flu > limited cheering or movement for fear of throwing up on glass/players/TV. But I was in the front row! Even the Isles bench saw me cheering for the Caps! Sorry, John! Still, the Isles fans I met were all friendly and polite – and possibly worried I was contagious.

Maybe no one noticed me down there like a Hobbit.

That doesn’t remedy the awful truth of what happened Sunday. No one should ever have to feel unsafe, bullied or personally demeaned over team colors (or anything, but that’s a rant for another blog). I guarantee each team has a small percentage of belligerent (especially when drunk) fans “cheering” for them. You can’t pick your “family,” right? That doesn’t mean we will do nothing. We’ve seen these people. Maybe sat by them. I hope we do – and going forward, always will – intervene or at least reach out with support to the opposing fans. Because you can pick your friends – and these people look fun. I want to go to a game with them:

Photo from www.drivenbyboredom.com/bsides

It seems the Long Island situation was not properly addressed by arena security, but some Isles fans did their best to help. Good on those people. Especially because the number one person who would not condone poor sportsmanship is Captain Science Pants himself, John Tavares. In November, he personally reached out to a young Isles fan who was bullied in Winnipeg. Shame on fans of any team who don’t follow his example.

I hope the “bad apple” Isles fans in question had horrendous, vengeful hangovers and are crushingly ashamed. I also hope the Caps kick their team’s collective ass in Round 1. Karma! (Again, sorry John.) Either way, I’m anxious to hear if Caps fans attending Game 4 at the Coliseum tonight experience a more welcoming atmosphere generated by all the good Isles fans who don’t want to be painted with that same brush.

I’ve been to NHL games in 13 arenas: Boston, New York Islanders and Rangers, New Jersey, Washington DC, Pittsburgh, Raleigh, Atlanta, Chicago, Colorado, San Jose, Los Angeles and Anaheim. People always ask me if I worry about wearing my Pens gear there. I’m not. As popular as the Penguins are, I am rarely alone even in my row or section, and there’s a healthy contingent of black and gold in every rink. But wearing a Crosby jersey means you’re begging to get razzed! Mr. Pants laughs; he thinks I’m waiting for someone to come at me, so I can try the moves I learned from Miss Congeniality. (S.I.N.G., ladies!)

And yet, my experiences have been overwhelmingly positive. I don’t mean chirping or some boos. That should be expected and, when handled well, is all part of the fun. But we should also expect it will stay good-natured and. I hate to think I’ve just been lucky – I prefer to think almost all hockey fans are better than those who threatened the Caps fans Sunday.

Don’t get mad, get on TV. (Photo credit: RMNB)

Instead of aggression, I’ve more often encountered the casual sexism that assumes women know nothing about the game. (Sid, your jersey is still not helping.) Luckily, I am equipped to sass that unsuspecting interloper right back to the bar. And I enjoy it.

Guy at Caps game (pointing to my Crosby jersey): “Wouldn’t you rather have a real man?”
Me (pointing toward the ice): “But Mike Green looks busy.”

I’m also ususally with a small group, or sometimes even by myself.  Going to a hockey game alone is a bit weird, but I honestly don’t mind, even in my away team kit. If it’s the difference between seeing the Pens or not, I’m going. At worst, I pay unparalleled attention to the game. At best, I make friends with the people around me. (If you haven’t guessed, I’ll talk to anyone. I’d talk to a tree.) Someone being rowdy would have to say it right to my face. It’s easier for a drunk or coward to shout anonymously at a group, which makes it all the worse that individuals within the Caps group were targeted Sunday with specific harassment.

As I said, most of my encounters have been great.In Atlanta, a guy on the upper level concourse and gave us his group’s unused tickets eight rows off the ice. Perhaps this is why ATL didn’t make it, but I got to watch a Malkin hat trick up close. Thank you, anonymous man! When the Pens scored in Anaheim and the crowd sang, “Who cares?”, all the Ducks fans behind us pointed down and yelled, “She does!” At a Caps game, I was one of only a few Pens jerseys in the VIP area when this guy walked by:

There was one WTF moment at a Pens vs. Rangers game at the Garden, circa Thanksgiving 2011. I was with a female friend and male cousin, both NYR fans. Some guy still felt the need to tell me he hopes Crosby gets run over by a car in front of his parents, so they have to watch him die. He actually said that out loud. Before I could even formulate a response, the other Rangers fans around us were telling the guy off. They apologized to me. One of them, some girl I didn’t know, even paid for my beer. Rangers fans! And me! Having a drink together! World peace is possible. (Also, the Penguins won.)

The only place I might not wear my Crosby jersey is Philly. Still, jersey or not, there’s no way I keep my mouth shut for three periods. Maybe it’s better to announce my intentions? I bet @DLF1021 and @sunnyinNJ, in their black and orange, make great bodyguards. This lady did okay.

Have you ever experienced a truly bad fan interaction at a game?  I certainly hope not, because we’re all hockey fans. We have a lot in common, and also a lot to lose if/when the teams and League struggle. We should stay “frenemies” whoe love to hate each other until the final buzzer. There are bad people everywhere, but I’d like to think enough of us are cool to drown them out. Hopefully, those are the Isles fans we hear about tonight.

A while back, @eyetotelescope suggested we address the idea of liking more than one team. Many of you are in the same boat (er, on the same door) at this treacherous time of year, when four-point games rain down, winning streaks become glorious victory marches and slumps are loose bars on a shark cage discovered after you’re already underwater.

Today is the perfect day for this post. I don’t just support two teams, I picked the Penguins and Capitals. Rather, they picked me. Divisional rivals who actively dislike each other, currently a single point apart in the standings – Pens in the playoffs, Caps in a wild card spot. The Caps have beaten the Pens the last I-have-blocked-out how many times. It’s pretty much the worst pair of favorites available.

They play tonight in DC and I will be there, wearing a Pens jersey.

So, for your cheating heart and mine, here is my guide to supporting two (or more) hockey teams.

Rule One: Know your favorite

I like the Capitals. I love the Penguins. Between the two, there is no contest.

More simply: The Capitals are my Horcrux. A piece of my soul is in there – and while it hurts, sometimes they must be destroyed. Tonight, I don’t care if Slapshot hugs me on the concourse or free ice tea and nachos are hand-delivered at intermission by a sweaty, Under Armor-ed Mike Green. None shall pass. Not this night.

Maybe your favorite team was determined by geography, or you inherited a family allegiance. Perhaps you’re riveted by the excitement of trap defense! (Psych – no one is. Explain yourselves, New Jersey.)  When I say I am a Penguins fan:

• Unsuspecting stranger: “Are you from Pittsburgh?”
• Me: “No, I’m from upstate New York.”
• Person, now approaching edge of cliff: “Shouldn’t you like the Rangers?”
• Me: PUSH

Kidding. If a person wants my hockey life story from ’91 to present, they can have it. But it ends like this: Penguins first. Capitals second. Blackhawks third, but I couldn’t maintain this even in a Cup-winning season, so it doesn’t count. Then everyone else, and Flyers/Rangers last. Everybody knows their place.

Rule Two: Own your infidelity

As a Pens fan first, living in the DC area, I must often betray a lovely Caps fan who has unwittingly befriended me.

• Me: “Actually, the Penguins are my favorite team.”
• New friend: “Prepare to die.”

Nowhere does it say you must like only one team. Second (or third, fourth) favorite teams come about in more interesting ways! You move away from home. A player gets traded.  Hell, RNH’s eyebrows are the only things selling tickets in Edmonton these days. I’d love to know how your second-favorite teams snuck into your hearts and set up camp.

My story centers around the 2011 Winter Classic. Not the game – David Steckel should walk into my office right now so I can put my stapler through his face. Rather, the lead up to the game ruined me, in three easy steps:

1. NHL: “Crosby vs. Ovechkin is a thing. See all these TV commercials? We are making fetch happen.”
2. Mr. Pants: “How would you feel about moving to the DC-area?”
3. HBO 24/7: Penguins vs. Capitals.

I never liked the Caps growing up, but since they’d switched out of the Pens conference in ’93, I hadn’t cared. The League’s insistence on this rivalry brought the Caps into my home and my Center Ice feed. I tried to resist. This blog, born September 6, 2010, was originally full of me making fun of Mike Green – and meaning it. Then something happened.

Mike Green’s belt. Four years later, still hilarious.

Here’s my original post about my descent into madness. The more I got to know the Caps, the more I liked them. Then I moved to the DC area. I went to my first Caps game two days later and watching my new “home” team, I couldn’t help hoping they did well. Not that well, but you know. Just a little well. Is that so bad?

I KNOW, OKAY?! But it was too late. This is why you should vaccinate your children.

Fine print: We won’t even knock Taylor Swift for performing in nearly every hockey jersey in the league. If the girl likes hockey, she is cool with us. But support too many teams and it’ll look as if you don’t really like any. [Google images gallery] Now, if Taylor turns up with an encyclopedic hockey mind, we retract this statement and offer her a guest blogger password.

Rule Three: Hold your ground

Firmly establish the hierarchy between your teams. It will be the most important component of your fandom. Favorites first, always. Even if it means Caps fans, who were your friends ten minutes ago, are taking this picture of you when the Pens go down 4-1:

Perhaps your teams are in different divisions or conferences (the relief!). But they will eventually play each other. If you’re the two conference type, your greatest dream and worst nightmare could come true at the same time: your teams play each other in the Final. Arrive unprepared and you’ll be like Bella, trapped in the freezing cold and of course you have to cuddle with the shirtless werewolf or die, while the vampire is right outside listening to a pervy inner monologue. It’s your fault for not having a jacket.

Don’t look so comfortable.

This gets tough in tight playoff races, like the Pens and Caps have now, when you kind of have to root for Team #2 to lose against everyone. They’re too close to Team #1, or in front of them, and basically ruining everything. Horcruxes, people. We never said it would be easy.

Rule Four: Have a sense of humor

I have been chirped for my Crosby jersey at games in LA, San Jose, Anaheim, Atlanta (remember that experiment?), New York (Rangers) and, of course, DC.  I just laugh.  Luckily, most hockey fans are awesome and even if they hate Sid and the Pens, they’re nice to me. Maybe it’s because I’m a girl, but I prefer to think it’s because I’ve obeyed rules 1-3 and I know my stuff. And I’m just waiting for this moment:

• Announcer: “Penguins goal by Sidney Crosby. His 20th of the season.”
• Caps crowd: “Who cares?”
• Me: “I do. I care.”

But I won’t lie – I hope Mike Green scores one. After the Pens score ten.

Rule Five: It’s your party

How can you like two teams?! Teams that hate each other? How can you be at odds with the fundamental tenet of sports? Obviously you are an idiot/bandwagoner/in it for the hot guys/not a real fan.  That argument can (and will) be used against you for a litany of imagined offenses no matter who you root for. We say do what you want. Love who you love. Stay weird.

Finally, if you’re a one-team kind of person, know this: I envy you. I have a lot of love to give, which leaves a lot of open wounds when my teams don’t love me back.  I trade slightly better odds of winning for twice the angst come spring and playoffs. Told you I was bad at math.

Foxy Friday: Tom Wilson

Tom Wilson has been on the list for future Friday-ing since, well, since he was way too young to be on that list.  Aren’t they always? He had also been in the Capitals lineup consistently, spending time on the Ovi/Backstrom line, and some more time in the box for boxing.

Since December 23, Tom has been fighting that elusive illness we call “healthy scratch.” It bit him again Wednesday night in San Jose. Now, we’re not doctors, but we watch them on TV. And the only prescription for this is more Foxy Friday.

First, the good news: Tom Wilson is 20.

Wait, that’s not good news. He was born in 1994, the same year as my first car. It’s times like this that I enjoy my inability to properly process math.

He’s from Toronto, and is pretty much the future pool-boy-next-door of college-aged Chuck’s dreams: 6’4″, longish hair, looks like he could rock a mean flannel, chop down trees, rescue you in the forest – general woodsman duties. Not sure about the beard though, not on this babyface.

EPIX’s “Road to the Winter Classic” show gave us a look inside the bachelor pad Tom shares with Caps teammate Michael Latta.  These two are besties in the best ways. Vacation:

Guest star Foxy Friday: Liam O’Brien. Here’s another.

Slumber parties:

Gracias, instagram.com/latta17.

Twitter discussions of the English language:

A wacky Twitter Q&A in which they agree with everything I have ever said:

Driving with expired inspection stickers and bulk buying ketchup. (In an unrelated story, @lm1485 and I once convinced our boss that ketchup was the Official Condiment of the Washington Capitals. WE WERE RIGHT!)

This & many more from www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com

[More video: Tom’s game commentary, ride along with Latta & Schmidt]

I’ve met Tom twice, and he is the strapping, handsome, friendly guy with the reach to knock out an opponent that you imagine. You would have spent high school writing “Mr. And Mrs. Chuck-Wilson” on your binder, while your dad sat on the porch with a goalie stick (it’s Canada) to make sure no one snuck out (or climbed in. See: woodsman duties.).

How did we live before internet?

Did I mention Tom is Mr. February on the Capitals Canine Calendar? He gazes across DC offices from his softly-lit clearing in the woods (!), hair all glossy and holding not one, but two puppies! Only he isn’t holding them because why, why would they run away when Valentine’s Day is just arriving? This should be a Lifetime movie, where a nerdy girl who volunteers at an animal shelter meets the hunk of her dreams at a charity calendar photo shoot. Consider this my copyright.

Pupface says it all.

That puppy on the right is hitting the high note in “I Will Always Love You.”

Tom has played on the Caps top line. He fights too, rather often – I’ve seen more Tom Wilson fights in person than any other player. Maybe he’s trying to impress me., though I was more impressed by this one time he didn’t fight. (Against a Flyer, no less. What is happening to me?) And by this time he got KO’d by a Make a Wish kid. He’s been called the team’s “heart and soul” and the Caps have said they don’t want to “dull his edge” – but they also don’t want him turning the puck over, especially not during valuable Oveckhin ice time.

Not-So-Average Joes

Lately, Tom has also been instrumental in the Captials’ support of young fan Bensten Schone, who was hurt in a sledding accident. You can help too – send him some love using #prayforBman. See the Caps video for Bensten, and watch (we mean cry) as Bensten watches it for the first time.

Also, watch Caps announcer Wes Johnson’s awesome video.

The Caps are out west for the weekend (vs. LA and ANA) then in Pittsburgh Tuesday night, where I will not be rooting for Tom or any combination of the Washington lineup. Until then, may this Friday help a fox get his groove back.

What, you want more puppies?

Pocketful of puppy.

Like the puppy you missed in the bottom there?

MY TURN?? MY TURN!!

Because I can go all day.

Puppyselfie. That does it.

Follow Tom on Twitter (@tom_wilso) and Instagram, and hopefully on TV during a Caps game soon.  Until then, enjoy this time the boys all went to see The Interview:

And where, while ‘working’ my real job, I didn’t get out of the shot fast enough.

Busted. (You bet I volunteered to work that event.)

Me and Dupuis

Me and Pascal Dupuis – that really happened, you guys.  Kudos to Jess, who was having none of my typical reaction (RUN AWAY!). Also bless the glacially slow press elevator, in which we and Duper were all waiting to ride. There was no way not to talk to him, being one of few people sporting Pens jerseys in the VIP area. Some folks gave me looks like I shouldn’t be eating all their nachos… well, I had to win something last night.

Duper was exactly as you imagine – lovely, friendly and still older than I am. That one never fails. He was taller than I expected and made me wish I paid more attention to White Collar and had learned how to lift someone’s phone, so I could call Sid and tell him what I thought of the first period.

Before that, warm-ups looked like this:

Borts asked to send this pic to Alison.

I finally remembered to stand on the Crosby side.

The game looked like this from our great seats, only the count on the scoreboard kept getting worse.

Too bad I could see the scoreboard.

In the end, it was an excellent game at which to enjoy free food and Duper’s brief company.  We rode in the elevator again later and shared a grimace over the way the night was going.  Everything else was horrible, especially Steve Downie, and except Mike Green’s goal to make it 4-0. The Penguins were practically on their bus already, so let Mike have one.  I’ll take the punishment.

Real friends stop making fun beyond 2-goal deficits.

It was great from my seat.

America.

I had the squeal-inducing, off-the-wall-bouncing fortune to get a ticket through my work and attend the game with a colleague. You all know the ending – Caps won 3-2 on a goal from Troy Brouwer with 12 seconds left. Let me tell you how it looked from my seat.

I was overdressed, and carrying a bag of hand-warmers. I might wear this outfit when I race the Iditarod.

Which way to the arctic?

Our seats were incredible: club level, front row. This will never happen to me again. But don’t be too jealous – the club level ran out of food in the second intermission. I just wanted to give Nats Park my money in exchange for calories and they did nothing. Thank God I didn’t have a hangover.

My seats were better than Kathryn Tappen’s.

Billy Idol sounded great. He looked like he’s been frozen since ’88, outfit and all. Not really sure why he was the opening act, but of all the non-A-list randos the NHL could have secured, this was a very solid choice.

Not my photo. Nor did he sing “Mony Mony.”

The National Anthem was spectacular. I believe I saw Caleb and Bob, the Caps regular singers, front and center in the Armed Forces band, yes? They didn’t have a great angle on the Jumbotron and we were busy marveling at that flag – and the fighter jets.

America.

The sun glare was real, and we could file a class action suit for premature eye wrinkles against whoever put this game at 1 PM. When the teams switched sides at 10 mins of the first period, Holtby went from the shade… right back into the shade on the other side. Thanks, Billy Idol, for taking just enough time.

42,000+ is a lot of people. A lot of red was rocked, for both teams. Everyone got a free seat cushion, because GEICO is the official sponsor of my butt.

We did not do the wave.

Among those 42,000+ people, only one made this:

Nightmare on Every Street

My colleague pointed to a man on the field, with a microphone, and asked who he was because she’d seen him “holding court” in the press box. It was Roenick, of course. How to explain JR to someone?

The Caps opened a lead. They took some dumb penalties. Patrick Sharp scored in the blink of a eye. Matt Niskanen had a rough third period. But we Unleashed the Fury and Troy Brouwer saved the day. I was so excited I took an accidental celebration selfie that was supposed to be a picture of the game.

Candid Camera

Afterward, everyone launched their unused fireworks from the night before.

Boom.

I hadn’t eaten in hours and wished they would launch hot dogs into the air instead.  But fireworks are cool, especially when they are for winning!

Clap.

It was a stellar day. That said, is it something I’d do again? For cheap/free, yes. The spectacle mirrors how I feel about hockey (big, loud, fireworks), but in the end even a great game is still just a regular season game. For fun, the Winter Classic is it. For heart-wrenching, tear-jerking, feel-it-in-your-guy hockey, save your money for a playoff game.  They’d never run out of food.

The title of Foxy Friday has occasionally been awarded to a collection of things (plaid suits, glasses) to great as to define the genre.  Today’s honorees take it to a whole new level.

San Jose Sharks “Holiday Sweater”

The Sharks have an amazing history of holiday videos, but they can stop now. There’s no topping this throwback karaoke masterpiece, complete with semi-choreographed white guy dancing and someone holding a block of cheese.

It goes on forever. Literally.  Make sure you stay for the scene after the credits, then check out this much-needed infographic.

How BU does it.

Capitals Holiday Video [that’s a link]

This dork-fest is gloriously unscripted and runs the ultimate test of improv comedy – who will laugh first, us or them?

Almost enough right to fix all this wrong.

A wink of the eye to how intentionally awful the whole thing is – the Caps tried to enter the NHL ugly sweater contest. What’s the prize? Is it Caps tickets?

Ecard versions – send ’em to your mom.

Penguins Holiday Video [also a link]

If I were going to re-enact a Christmas movie, it wouldn’t be Christmas Vacation (duh, Love Actually), and if I were going to have the Penguins remake a movie, it wouldn’t a Christmas movie (Newsies, anyone? Oh yes.).  But as commitment to awkwardness goes, this Penguins’ holiday video is a Best Picture nominee.

Beau should’ve worn the hat.

My movie would of course feature Beau and Borts in matching costumes.  I might even cover Crosby up to dampen his attractiveness – and fail, badly.

Is this a cowlneck shirt? Could this be worse?

There’s nothing in this, however, as good as the “Sieze the Day” sing-along going on in my mind.

Chicago Blackhawks All-Star Campaign Videos

Just as you’re having the happiest of holiday video viewing sessions, the Blackhawks show up to ruin it by, well… being the Blackhawks.  We should be used to it by now.  They’re not even promoting Christmas because nothing under your tree could be this good.

Ice Bucket challenge Spanx = no tanlines!

What the hell is happening here and how do I make it rule the Earth? Is that what we’re voting for? I’m pretty sure Chuck and I came up with this idea while a) drunk and b) watching that Crystal Light aerobics championship video set to Taylor Swift for the 900th time.  The Blackhawks must be reading our GChats.

You guys saw that, right? I didn’t hallucinate?

Toews is the original Canadian dream, which sounds like the tagline for an ice cream treat made with maple syrup, and it’s finally proven, scientifically, that he is fun now.  We have created a monster.

Players gonna…

It would appear there will be (already are?) videos promoting Bickell, Sharp, Keith, Kane and jazzercize.  The wait might actually kill me.

I’m getting this on a shirt.

And this on the back.

Good luck, next Friday, on coming anywhere close to this.

Last year I had the Caps calendar, and it could be a front runner again this year.  Or I’ll get them all and do a wall display (and no work)!

Remember when Alzer’s dogs ate his whole apartment?

You need a close up, I know.

I will not fancat.

What’s more perfect: tag team puppy kisses or Mike Green’s hair?  Be honest – it’s the hair. Sorry puppies! You are a close second. Meanwhile that cat is praying for strength.

Not to be missed: Tom Wilson’s hair and general Tom Wilson-ness.

Loves long walks in the park.

The dog’s saying, “Are you seeing this?  Is everyone looking?  His hand is on my knee.  I’m gonna faint.”

If only two puppies were enough to occupy John Carlson while someone runs by with a Flowbee.  Perhaps a quick trip to the groomer?

Chuck, I’ve been waiting for you all night by this fence.

The best part: today is Giving Tuesday, and 100% of proceeds from the Caps calendar go to Homeward Trails Animal Rescue!  Get yours here for $20, or tell me and I’ll buy you one at the game tonight.

The Bruins also know where it’s at, releasing their 2015 Pucks & Pups Calendar.  This behind-the-scenes video is heavy on the cute.

I hate being a foregone conclusion.

If I have one objection, it’s that the Bruins calendar does not appear to feature a single Boston Terrier.  None.  The cutest dog on Earth shares your city’s namesake (and that of it’s greatest educational institution), but you’re saying none of your players want to hug one?  Inconceivable.

Chuck, make a call.

I’m going to call this puppy “Mullett.”

The Bruins calendar benefits a host of charities, and you can get it for $20 at shop.NHL.com.

Their socks, you guys.

I don’t know where this came from, but I saw it in five places and decided that equals public domain.  They are so damned cute, I don’t think they’d care!  Everything is making me happy right now: Mr. Pants & I bought a house yesterday, Mike Green is both married and actually smiling, everyone’s a grown up and this season  is going to be fantastic.  Bring on the hockey.

Happy Monday.

Love, Optimism

The Caps and Islanders hosted casino nights last night.  The events benefit wonderful charities, but “Crush on Mike Green” is not a deductible category on my taxes.  At least not when “Married, Filing Jointly.”  Perhaps in Canada you can claim “Pretending I Can Count While John Tavares Deals Blackjack.”

I hope John’s a slow dealer, because hockey + cocktails is already more math than I can handle.  Read about the event here and see more photos here.  If there’s video later, I’ll post it.

Unrelated to casino night but very related to things we love, here’s the Winnipeg Sun story about John sending a signed jersey to an 11-year old Isles fan who was bullied at a Winnipeg Jets game.  Perfect guy is perfect.

The Caps don’t have a story or photos up yet.  They must’ve partied harder and the web team is sleeping it off.  Their Instagram managed a few photos:

How many drinks before I say, “Mike Green, your hair is too short!”?

But luckily the DC news was up early – Fox 5 TV – Caps Casino Night.

The event featured Ovi’s blue jacket:

Underage gamblers:

And the Brouwer Rangers modifying their suits into Power Tuxes.  Helmets and all.  No offense NYI, but this looks more like our kind of party.

Hoping for a more in-depth analysis of Mike Green’s hair in tonight’s broadcast.

Mike Green scored two goals last night, including the OT game-winner. Including me jumping off the couch, from under a pile of blankets, which is the equivalent of true love when it’s 4 degrees outside.  Dust off the “Game Over” nickname!

I mean it. Can this please be a thing again?

Mike’s goals were the 100th [video] and 101st [video] of his NHL career. Thanks to the folks at Japer’s Rink, this Elias/ESPN stat: Mike hit 100 goals in 483 games. Only Sergei Gonchar took fewer games among active defensemen (461) and Shea Weber’s the only other d-man to reach 100 G in under 500 games (495).  Maybe Mike should have outpaced Gonch – Remember when MG had 31 goals in a season?  Gonch had 26 as a Cap in ’01-’02. – but beggars, losing teams and Pants can’t be choosers.  Hey, Mike had as many goals as Ovi last night!

(Love the Japer’s Rink HTML file name: wednesday-caps-clips-mike-green-is-such-a-friggin-badass.)

The Caps had previously lost two shootouts to the Sabres this season. Feels good to get a win – only the Caps’ fourth in 13 games – even against the worst team in the NHL. Who are the only team below us in the Metro.  Again, I digress.  We’ll take the good – and the goals – where we can get them!

I noticed Buffalo’s Ville Leino rocking an impressive beard, and wondered if he wanted to get the growth in now since the Sabres won’t be making the playoffs. Then I realized Mike has been lightly bearded almost all season too… hypothesis deleted. No thought can be so handsome and depressing at the same time.

Back to post-game happy face [video]:

Gah, I missed that!

There has been little to write on Mondays this season, but any day can still belong to Mike.  Please let it be for goals and wins and not losing streaks. Or neck tattoos. Or all this talk about trading him [Washington Post] and keeping him [RMNB, Capitals Outsider, Japers Rink].

I’m firmly in the KEEP MIKE camp, and not just for selfish reasons of hair excellence.  The Caps have problems.  Mike is not the biggest one.  Nor is he any longer a top-2 defenseman, which maybe eases the burden of pressure that has plagued his game in recent seasons.  Overpaid for a top-4 guy, yes.  But he QBs the powerplay, still shows that offensive glitter on occasion and has already been on the ice for more of this season (50 games) than the previous two full NHL schedules (49 in ’10-’11, 32 in ’11-’12).

The Caps have hung their hopes and hats of Mike for a long time – maybe too long – but now is not the time to jump ship.  Or create more problems.  Finally healthy and potentially confident, Mike Green may be the one Capitals problem that could actually solve itself.

I like goals and winning and the Caps need some of both very badly tonight. They’re winless in 5 games, including two shootout losses.  Ovi is a game-time decision vs. Ottawa, a game I’ll miss because I’m snowed in at home.  I will wear my Caps pajama pants though – they never get to go to games.  Or have nachos.

Ovi was on The Today Show yesterday, talking with Carson Daly about his starring role in the Sochi Olympics.  Most of you are probably not old or American enough to remember Carson Daly on Total Request Live but let me tell you: Chuck & I would have fit right in back in the day.

Turtleneck sweaters and pineapple hair and true love.

I understand Carson now hosts a reality competition show that I don’t watch. Good for him – he survived all those shrieking teens for something.  As for interviews, he and Ovi both say “excited” as convincingly as John Tavares does, but we believe them.

Video: Alex Ovechkin on NBC’s Today Show – Jan 20, 2014

Carson’s hair – part Elvis, part Robbie Williams

What you should really watch – and we wish had made national TV! – is this behind-the-scenes video from Caps Red Line.  Alex, you’re fun.  You say “excited” like you mean it and decline that makeup like a guy who makes $9 million a year and is engaged to a sassy fox.  (Side note: @mkirilenko, let’s be friends.)  This is the Ovi that even I cannot resist.

Also, Today Show anchors do a lot of hitting guests with paper – is that a thing? Just with athletes maybe.  Ovi’s into it.

He did however miss a prime opportunity to razz this dude in the Rick Nash shirt.

Gah, the end of the BTS video is so cute I don’t even know who I am anymore!

Get well Ovi, as in right now for tonight, and let’s get some Caps wins on the board.  Whatever happens in Sochi, and whether or not Crosby steals your Rocket Richard trophy (mwahahaha), please don’t make me look past the Rangers and Flyers to see you down there.

To be in the front row for the Capitals @ Islanders game at Nassau Coliseum!  I always sit at the glass for warm-ups but it was my first time being so close the entire game (and probably my last, unless Chuck marries Tyler & Marshall).  I’ve always wondered what it was like down there, so here are my thoughts from the good seats.

1. The ticket was $50.  If you’re traveling or live near a team that struggles with attendance, check StubHub.  The three nice Canadians behind me also bought their tickets 24 hours out for $50 each and we had a bargain basement blast.

Actual 1st row.

2.   The front row is awesome.  I was practically on the bench, right next to  backup goalie Kevin Poulin.  I was the first person in the arena who was not an Islander.  At any moment, Doug Weight might have yelled at me.  It was very cool to hear them talking, calling line changes, making plays.  Watching up-ice rushes at speed, with bodies in every lane and shots caroming everywhere, gave even me a new appreciation for how players see the ice.

3. At the same time, it’s also not that awesome.  In Nassau Coliseum, the bench is on a riser.  The front row is not and it’s an extra foot back from the boards.  That’s why I look like a Hobbit in this picture and Poulin looks like Gandalf.

10 year old girl next to me is kneeling on her chair.

4. It’s extraordinarily cold down there.  In the much-maligned Coliseum, insulation was not a priority. Other buildings are less frigid, but after 2 hours cold is cold.  I thought about asking Poulin for his sweater, since he clearly wasn’t going anywhere.

5. The biggest, most obvious truth about the front row is you can’t see.  Even if everyone is still and you stand up, this is it:

Or you could slide forward and awkwardly get in everyone’s face like a creeper.

But in motion, half the ice is blocked and you watch on the Jumbotron overhead.  So you trade half the game on TV for the other half up this close:

And being that close is, er, distracting.  Except during TV timeouts where it’s pretty much watching beads of sweat roll down John Tavares’ face while the guys in your section holler pickup lines at the Ice Girls through the glass.

Hockey right in front of me… and I’m looking at the bench.

Obviously knowing I would be so close (and not feeling well), JT shaved off his mustache one day before the end of Movember.  He is the only player I’ve ever seen whose hair sticks out the top of his helmet.

I didn’t have any Caps gear with me, and ended up not cheering much at all for fear of being sick again.  Mostly I wallowed in my cold, amazing seat and hoped the Caps would win while at the same time feeling bad for the Islanders.  Tavares had about 8 amazing scoring chances and his frustration was palpable.  A few rows back, a guy in a Caps jersey and Red Wings hat (what?) yelled, “MIKE GREEN, YOU’RE NOT GOOD!” every time Mike touched the puck.  If I need to throw up again, I was headed right for him.

The game was exciting.  The Isles pulled ahead 2-1 with under 2 mins to play, then Nicky B scored a shorthanded goal at 19:11.  Everyone got a point before Ovi brought home the +1 in overtime.  I may have jumped out of my child-size seat.

In the end, if I never sit that close again it’s okay.  I actually prefer the cheap seats, up high where I can see the entire ice and yell inappropriate things with no chance of the person I’m yelling at actually hearing me.  Still if you get the chance, it’s well worth it to experience hockey in a completely different way.

Side Note: A Farewell to Barns

Much of my front row experience was exclusive to the Nassau Coliseum.  We know it’s the most hated arena in the League and the Islanders are moving out in 2015.  The cramped single concourse layout with sloped ceilings, terrible bathroom lines and a damned door to the outside cold every 10 feet makes it the arena equivalent of an Atari.  But I must say the Coliseum has a certain old-time hockey charm.   Like an aged college arena, it feels nostalgic.  The fans were as decked out and lively as any place I’ve been.  I saw my first ever NHL game at the Coliseum back in 199-something, and a little piece of my hockey youth will be laid to rest when they lock these doors.  I was glad to go back one more time.

Video: Happy Holidays from Your Washington Capitals 

This year, remember that Christmas isn’t just about onesie pajamas and Joel Ward cracking up from the very first frame.  There is a deeper meaning.  Like when Ovi says, “Hey guys, I need some backup here!” – he is not just talking about musical accompaniment.

Not you, Nicky.  Capitals Hockey Santa has you on his NICE list.

Remember when the Caps were about the Young Guns “Rocking the Red?”

Even if the trade-off is guyliner for tattoos, I must say the boys have grown old(er) quite nicely.

Canuckles is right, I am remiss in not sharing the link to the Canucks ugly Christmas sweater photo.  It’s glorious and features a level of commitment to cardigans heretofore unseen in life.

That would be 18 penalty minutes in under 12 minutes of game time.  Mike Green: Time Turner.  Making time out of time that hasn’t happened yet because he has that many penalties.

If you have Game Center Live, you can go back and watch this.  I do not recommend the first period, as this was my reaction:

Instead, read this Russian Machine Never Breaks recap which softens the blow with gifs.  Or just laugh with the girl whose fiance scored 4 goals in the game.

That is one fewer than Mike Green took penalties, so there.  Nicky B had 5 points, because he and Mike always have to be matchy matchy.

Now no more of this, Mike.  The Caps have won 3 in a row and moved to 2nd in the Metropolitan Division… which is a bit like a Perfect Attendance Award, at 36 points overall, but there is still time to get hot and stay hot or just be Ovechkin.  Damn, he has a lot of goals.

That’s almost – almost! –  as good as holding a dog like an awkward baby.

After this awful hockey weekend, not even Mike Green getting 5 penalties in less time than it takes to make macaroni & cheese can get me down.  We love you, Mike.  We even love Ovi right now.  That was a sick performance but a man so gleefully parenthetical.  Four goal games make me want to madly punctuate things in place of emoticons.

Did he ever.

Let me tell you what it looked like in person, at real-life speed.

At least in the end Mike was laughing:

Because I will be laughing every day, forever.

It’s just so…

Does anyone look at this:

And see this?

Right?

If Mike still had long hair, this would be too much.

What IS the meaning on Stonehenge?

I shamelessly cut Brooks out of this picture to show you what I mean.

So maybe the dark-haired guy looks a little more like Mojo, but you can’t just break up the band.

Even this hat makes the rounds.

It’s safe to say that in addition to my hopes for the Caps this season, my Halloween expectations are now off the charts, boys.

Congratulations to Nicky on the birth of his first daughter Haley on Tuesday.  I can’t cope with the cute!  Here’s an adorable WashingtonPost.com story.

Mike is not used to sharing this MG stuff with anyone.

Say what?

Mike did have two assists vs. Chicago, plus another two since then and he’s quarterbacking a heck of a power play.  The Caps were the NHL’s best power play last season and currently have a league-leading 4 PPG, converting on 44.4% of advantages.

Mike also leads all NHL players in ice time with 84:54 so far this season.

Mike: Guys, what do I have to do here?
Erat: I don’t know, I’m on the 4th line now.

Annie S was at the Caps/Hawks game and took these great pictures for us.  She (and I) suggest Mike get back to work because:

– It’s almost our collective birthday (Friday/Saturday).
– They’re playing the Canes on Thursday and Intern Jeff Skinner was first star last night. The competition around this office is fierce.
– @jfrancesw, @thekitchenette and I will be at Saturday’s game vs. Colorado and Gabe is back in the lineup.  Don’t let your hair get upstaged.
– Lastly the Oilers come to town on Monday.  One week away and I feel like I’ve had a pile of Pixie Stix and a giant Coke.

Okay, I’m focused.

The Caps are 1-2 right now, with their next 3 match-ups vs. teams they should beat.  The schedule doesn’t stay easy for long, boys.  Take advantage.

Click for a much larger picture.

Read the preview here.  Note the Post has the Penguins winning the East, by 1 point over the Bruins.

Though the Caps lost their opener vs. Chicago last night, I saw a lot of things I liked.  The power play is still gorgeous – three goals!   The boys definitely played a full 60 minutes.  Add in some very pretty passing and it was a strong show against probably the toughest team in the NHL.  Ovi had 9 shots, Green 6 and he played 26:48.  Guess he’s well rested.

So far, things are looking good.

Well, mostly.