What's Up, Ya Sieve

I had no one to yell/text/tweet to last night while watching 24/7.  The vase in my living room, however, is a huge hockey fan.  You can watch the whole show online at Youtube 247NHL.  Sadly for Dawn, Ovi kept his pants on the whole time.  Huzzah for the rest of us.  Highlights!

- Ben Lovejoy’s face.  How many needle-in-the-skin closeups can we have?  I almost barfed.  And the poor guy had to get on the plane knowing it would swell?  Crosby laughing at him was priceless: “Woah, Benny.”  Lovejoy had the best deadpan reaction shot since My Big Fat Greek Wedding, “Can you tell I got hit?”  Someone get Ben a Baby Ruth and a pirate ship. [Photo Credit]

Rocky Road!

- Malkin’s one liners.  He makes Lovejoy feel better by telling him, “Girls love” the messed up face.  Geno knows.

- Mike Rupp’s Christmas. That elf outfit was outdone only when Rupper looked at his daughter’s pink razor scooter and asked, “If I get one of those, it it like Mike Green’s thing he had?”  Oooooh, burn.

- Brooks Laich close-ups. You’ll hear Cassy screaming from the UK when she sees this one… those are some blue, blue eyes.

Don't it make your brown eyes...

- Pens vs. Caps, Round 1.  Simply amazing to see so much behind-the-scenes from both sides of the game.  The intermission pep talks were the best.  And inside the replay office in Toronto – that was fantastic.

- Sidney hits puberty with the F-bomb.  I picture this like the scene in A Christmas Story when Ralphie curses in front of his dad.  Crosby got so mad his voice cracked and I almost choked on my drink.  We are fired up!   Mike knocks Sid down,  and he yells, “Fuck you, Green.”  But the real show is at 13:35 here:

- Bruce Boudreau’s food cravings in the mall.  You all do it, don’t judge.

- Mike Green in a suit. There are two 2-second clips, but if this were VHS I would have worn them out.

Holy Canada.

- Jordan Staal’s hair.  I want him back so badly that I’ll take it.  But he’s gonna look like Lady Gaga soon.  I can’t even bring myself to post a photo of it.

- I’m buying a silver car and naming it Disco Dan.  It can shovel, dance AND carve a turkey.

Poker Face.

I am so pumped for Saturday.  There will be tears if the weather screws up the Winter Classic.  Come on, Mother Nature.  Please.

My girl Kimmy has coined the perfect phrase to describe Mike Green, Sid and half the rest of the Pens and Caps on HBO’s 24/7 Episode 2:

ADORKABLE. It’s absolute perfection.

If I had the setup, I would have stayed up ALL night screencapping   Until then, here are the highlights that I can remember screaming about alone in my apartment:

- Sid talks about fighting Niskanen.  “Do you want to take your helmet off?”  Oh, and he’s laying on a bed.  For heaven’s sake!

- Mike. Vespa. Helmet. Moccasins.  LOVE.  I don’t know why. (Dear Santa: Please bless whoever at Yahoo!’s Puck Daddy screencapped this.)

Back of his shirt should say: If you can read this, Pants fell off.

- Sidney Crosby’s 5 PM PB&J.

- When Ovi gets a wife, obviously he’ll live with her.  Till then, it’s mom, dad & dog waiting up for him. [link]

Does this dog like cats named Moe and Poe?

- Craig Adams’ son naming the Pens players… makes me wanna babysit. (Excellent catch by commenter Mrs Crosby, I was so busy giggling over Mike’s Vespa I credited this to Matt Cooke.)

- Caps fist pump dance – Brooks Laich is so hot he can almost pull it off.  I bet Greener refuses to do it.  Too busy being cool in his moccasins. [link]

I'd go to Jersey with that.

- JORDAN STAAL WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?

- Ovi cannot be bothered to get dressed.  No just shirts, but pants.  He was 99% naked multiple times – I’m surprised someone other than Dawn would put their hand so high on his hamstring.

This program is rated TV-MA for Ovi's table noises.

- In a related story, Ovi totally flashes Mike.  Intentional.  Mike doesn’t laugh, so Dawn may be on to something after all.

Tonight it’s Penguins vs. Capitals in DC at 7 PM Eastern.  You’ll hear me and Dawn screaming at each other from SF to Seattle.  I cannot wait to see what HBO gets from this one.

No need to set your DVRs for Monday – the Sid & Ovi Price is Right appearance video is here.  And it is weird.

Sidney, why are you wearing your shoulder pads?  You’re jacked but that is silly.  And reading the cue cards… sigh.  When Ovi’s unintelligible English is doing a better job delivering lines then you know you’re stiff.

Guess what? I'm not a robot.

I got bored and didn’t watch the end – does this Lauren girl win it or not?

I love wine.  I also love hockey. Now normally one does not associate the refinement and elegance of sipping a fine Napa Cabernet Sauvignon or a crisp Pinot Gris with the rough and gritty sport of hockey.  Hockey is more a beer sport, fueled by the grease of chicken wings, hard-boiled eggs behind the bar and gallons of Molson Canadian.

It seems like the sophisticated air of the oenological world would not mesh well with the philistine-like culture of hockey, but I think this is changing.  Here are just a few examples…

• Boston Bruin Mark Recchi has a 1,000 bottle wine cellar.  Mario Lemieux got him started and a Montreal Canadians trainer got him hooked even more, wooing him with fancy wine and cheese parties.
• A picture of David Krejci is the label for Italian winery Vignamaggio’s new Chianti Classico
• The NHL Alumni Association has a whole Signature Wine Series feature bottles with NHL greats like Pat Lafontaine, Bobby Hull, Gordie Hull, Bobby Clark and others on the label.
• The “Great One”, Wayne Gretzky, has his own winery in Ontario and has been making wine since 2007.

Also, my Little Brother (aka LB) happens to work at a very nice Napa Valley winery where he has tasted with players and owners from the Blackhawks and Sharks and NHL legends like Ray Bourque, who reportedly purchased quite a bit of wine for his Boston restaurant from said vineyard.

Even the Winter Classic is getting in on the action.  Duckhorn Vineyards has produced 500 cases (6000 bottles) of its delicious Napa Valley Decoy Merlot in honor of 2011 Winter Classic. This is what Pants and Dawn will be drinking while watching the game on 1/1/11.  Ladies, I have had the Decoy Merlot and it is DELISH!  I bet it will taste even better when sipped out of these…

Do I ever think that hockey and the NHL will let go of its “beer-and-pizza” image?  No, and I’m totes okay with that.  I love beer and pizza.  But I am hopeful that more and more hockey fans will venture into the world of wine and start to appreciate what all those French and Italian dudes have for hundreds of years.  Trust me folks, wine (and quality wine at that) is worth tasting and enjoying.  And if I can’t convince you, maybe he can…

À votre santé!

Until next time…Chuck out.

P.S. Sorry I’ve been MIA.  Pesky graduate school classes….

PANTS IS ADDING SOMETHING! Sorry for the post hack, Chuck but I can’t post a photo in the comments.  Mike Green has a wine room in his condo. Oh yes.  This… I… censored.  I could not possibly ever be drunk around Mike Green unless I want to go to jail.

One for him, one for Pants.

The only way to properly sum up the awesomeness of Penguins/Capitals: Road to the Winter Classic is to treat you to the real-time Twitter conversation between me and Dawn last night.  Please note, I had to rewatch the entire show because I was giggling so much the first time.

The Penguins watched the show as a team and you can see reaction videos from Crosby, Talbot and Bylsma.  Max got a lot of airtime (Mr. Personality) and Dawn’s right, his face is pretty banged up from the puck to the forehead he took in Atlanta on 11/13.

He wears it well.

The Pens lost to the Rangers last night, but Sid got a point to extend his scoring streak to 20 games.  He informed us that this mustache business will be going on until Christmas.  Oy.

At least he's going for it, eh?

So, what did you think?  I loved every second (even the Capitals seconds) and cannot wait for 12/22!

I just sit here and laugh all day.  Everyone thinks I’m crazy but they can’t see this.  It’s from the Penguins Online Store, where you can buy my Christmas present.  The title of this series is Awkward Turtle.  Sid looks stiff as a board and really, Geno?  They had to photograph him in various stages of growing out his bangs?  Either smile or don’t – pick one.  I love ya boys, but this makes me squirm.

And to make it worse, the Capitals did better.  (Shut up, Dawn.)  Fidget’s rocking the sassy hands-on-hips pose which he surely saw on America’s Next Top Model.  I bet he can strut too, but only wearing sunglasses. He really is good looking, eh?  Ovi looks… well, terrifying frankly.  25 years ago he would have been pulling teeth for the KGB.  Dawn owns everything in this store.

PS: I totally bought Dawn a Caps barstool for Christmas. Mr. Cherrie can bolt it to the floor of their house so she doesn’t tip over during games.

It is time!!  Better than Christmas morning.  Call up your cable provider (I just did) and add HBO for $10/month so you can watch Penguins/Capitals Road to the Winter Classic on 24/7, starting tonight.  Yesterday, HBO promised us so much vulgarity that you should “hide your kids.”  If I had kids, they’d say, “F&$% that, I’m watching my dad on TV!”

I got extra excited by re-watching how excited Max Talbot is in this video.  Bonus: He’s Dawn’s favorite.

Bring it on.

We also suggest you check out Puck Daddy’s Unofficial HBO 24/7 Penguins-Capitals Drinking Game.  Their predictions had better all be true because I can’t think of a more entertaining hour of TV.  Favorites:

• Mike Green is seen wearing sunglasses. (Bonus Drink: He’s actually outdoors.)

WUYS suggests: Another bonus drink if they’re those hideous white Kanye West glasses and Pants likes them anyway.

• You find yourself thinking, “Damn, that Brooks Laich is handsome.”

WUYS suggests: Drink now, you’re already thinking it. (Cassy!)

• Max Talbot eye-[expletives] his interviewer.

WUYS suggests: Audition for job as HBO interviewer.

Our last suggestion is to make your drink of choice something caffeinated (rum & Coke?) so you don’t fall asleep while Crosby is talking.  Let’s hope the camera caught him doing at least one interesting thing.  I’d settle for a particularly creative burst of cursing.

I may melt my DVR.

Sid, Ovi and Jeremy Roenick will make a guest appearance on The Price is Right on Monday, December 20.  I saw this as a Tweet last night and thought I must be hallucinating.  Apparently not.

The trio will introduce an NHL-themed showcase that includes a trip to Pittsburgh for the highly anticipated 2011 Bridgestone NHL Winter Classic®, played outdoors at Heinz Field on New Year’s Day. – NHL.com [Full Release]

We're playing Plinko.

I will think of something witty to say when I stop laughing.  All I can think of is a) how dumb this is going to be and b) how good Crosby’s going to look. Grandmother’s everywhere will calling him ‘handsome.’  I wish they were playing! Sid could try to guess the price of dishwashing liquid while Ovi checks out the model waving in the direction of his new fridge.

With friends like these, who needs enemies?  Sid and Ovi will be featured in the January issue of Vanity Fair. They may be dressed like waiters but it doesn’t take much to get us all riled up.  NHL.com posted this behind-the-scenes video of the photoshoot.

I've never wanted to be a chair before.

There’s also this teaser blog from Vanity Fair and this transcript of Sid’s interview.  Sid says nothing interested (story of his life) but the idea of Lil Crosby watching The Mighty Ducks just about keeeeeeeeeeeels me.

You try explaining the "Flying V" play to Malkin.

Vanity Fair Editor-in-Chief Graydon Carter is Canadian and a big hockey fan, hence his support of the game.  The NHL and VF headquarters in NYC made a nice pairing back in September during the NHL Media Tour when they hosted this party.  Which Ovi attended in a t-shirt.

Blue Steel.

It’s nice to see the NHL getting some mainstream media coverage.  Not that I think the VF readership is particularly sports-oriented, unless you count golf, but you never know who might be reading.

Dawn's kids love Ovi too.

There’s so much goodness here that I’m just going to picspam… you all aren’t listening to me anyway.  Too busy looking at the shiny.

P.I.M.P. "Baby I'm the man, I invented rubber bands."

One neon laser background shy of a Grade 10 school picture.

Sid shows Ovi where Dawn lives in comparison to DC.

Magnum.

On my way!

Christmas has come early for Dawn.  Not only have I found her Christmas card image, but also her new job.  Caps365 posted this behind-the-scenes video of Ovi’s Winter Classic commercial shoot.

Merry Xmas, love Dawn & Ovi

I hate to admit that he looks kinda pimp in that sweatshirt.  Not to fear - he takes his shirt off in the video.  Of course he does.  He’s wearing multiple gold necklaces/charms too, so he gets a lot of mileage out of it.

Dawn's new job!

Who do we have to know to get Dawn hired as “person who soaks Ovi with a water wand“?  She’s over-qualified, I promise.  And she has waterproof mascara.

Rain does not faze him.

There had better be one of these behind-the-scenes videos for Sid’s side of the commercial.  Though I’m willing to bet there’s no footage of shirtless Crosby toweling off his hair because the internet would break.  I’d sneak into the Apple store at night and play it simultaneously on every single screen until the whole system collapsed.  It would look like Die Hard 4 in here.